I move out next week.. I'm scared, what if I never find love again what if I am making a huge mistake... This is the real reason I stayed married..
Will it make you feel a bit safer to know that you are definitely not alone? (*hug*) ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2014 at 11:15 PM ---------- nice signature, btw
I've sort of been resigned to the fact that I felt "Forever alone" after a good relationship in high school but we moved away, and I had a REALLY crappy one in college. But right now I am pursuing one that feels like it may work. But then I'm not gay or lesbian, and I play the chameleon really well, and I can't complain, but I have had those feelings that I'd probably be alone because I was too scared to go look for love. I am blessed it sort of came to me. Don't be like me... look for it.
Rich, I've been where you are and stayed (and stayed, and stayed, and stayed). Please trust me on this, you don't want to be where I am today. (Although I 'm glad to have finally gotten to where I am, and I'll be in a better place in my head with each passing day.) Yes, it would have been easier to come out before you married and had a child, but what's done is done. And you have a child--what a precious gift! Think of the joys you and that child will share! Being alone is scary, no question, especially for those of us who married when we knew, if not accepted, that we were gay, but married at least in part because we feared being alone. But it's not as bad as you think. In a way, you're already alone. In a way, you've always been alone, locked away in that closet that so many of us are here trying to come out of. And once you're out, you'll never be that alone (and hopefully, not that scared) again. And you can be alone without being lonely. But Rich, you're just 32. Trust me, you're not old, you're not undesirable, there is a world out there for you. You just need to keep up the courage to find it.
StillAround, thanks. It puts a lot of our fears into perspective when reading your posts. I think we get hung up around our ages, either 30's, 40's or whatever, and feel that time is passing by at an alarming rate. No-one knows how long we've got, but selfish though it might appear, I'm determined not to lie to myself any longer. Like Richie I'm also moving out next month and into a flat of my own. I am less scared than I was initially, but still apprehensive about a future possibly alone but with each passing day and me coming to terms with the lack of feelings for my wife, the fear slips away little by little. I am starting to plan for the move - physically with purchasing items for the new place, but also psychologically, planning how I'll arrange grocery shopping, who I'll invite round to socialise with, and start to see myself living that life now. Richie, start focusing on crafting a life for yourself and imagining the positive parts. By all means acknowledge the negative aspects but plan now on how you will counter those negative aspects now, so you're at least half prepared. Let us know how you're getting on and good luck. You've loads of support here when the going gets difficult.
Thanks for the kind words. Just trying to inject a little humor here--do I give you that "I think I have it bad, but just look at that old fart over there" kind of feeling? Seriously, though, this site, and all of you posting here, are saving my life, literally. Realizing that you're not alone, and that even when you're physically alone, you'll never again feel as alone as you did in that closet, has come to me late, but it's such a powerful realization! And I'm so grateful all of you are here. Thanks again.
I have my worries about being alone.... But then I start thinking, the closet is a pretty damn lonely place to be. I have spent my whole adult life alone, without even myself as company, when you think about it. I can't imagine being more alone than I have been all these years of keeping myself at a distance from everyone because I was afraid they might figure me out. Even if I never have a partner, I think I will feel less alone in that respect. As far as finding someone--Ric, you are so young, and you have so much time for that! But look at it this way - you managed to find a wife and spend a decade with her, even though deep down a wife wasn't really what you wanted. I have spent 20 years with mine, and StillAround and others even longer. Now you have so much better an idea of what you want. And if you had the drive and love to devote all those years to your wife, think how much MORE likely you will be able to make a new relationship work, once you adjust to a new life and get your bearings? I'm not expecting it to be easy for any of us. This is new territory. But it's the RIGHT territory for us, at last. We can do this, all of us and in the end we'll be happier and stronger people for it.
Someone here (skiff??) has expressed an interesting idea. That gay guys who have been married to a woman are great "dating material" because they know how to make a relationship work.
And we all know practice makes perfect:badgrin:. My wife and I are seing a mediator Monday evening, a more amicable way to settle divorce issues. I rather look froward to having my own place, but recognise it will be lonely, but I have to make a home my kids will want to live in. It's also a physical representation of who you are. You're gay how bad can your taste be:lol:? Make a cozy nest for yourself and maybe it'll help attract the right mate...hey, it works for bower birds in New Guinea. Above all you're not making a mistake. Change is uncomfortable. What we're doing is like giving birth. This baby is crowning and even if the mother crosses her legs it's going to come. Can this be any worse than standing in front of the church and marrying someone that despite the love you have for each other in that moment, the denial of who you really are, performance anxieties, and somewhere down deep where it can bearly be heard a niggling voice saying it's wrong? Of course not. Think of it as having gone off to school for the first time. There'll be new people, neighbors, experiences, new places to shop, a new place of worship. I say congratulations, and besides that we're not going anywhere. we're still here for you if only in the ether.(&&&)
tscott, is a mediator in addition to a lawyer or in place of? we are thinking of using the same lawyer to save money since it should be rather amicable
