Crushes/Dating in your 40's

When you're interested in someone, what do you tend to do. Being in your forties has probably afforded you a degree of self-knowledge, but even if it hasn't, your interest in someone generally shows in your body language (which is just as subtle and skill-requiring as any other type of language).

The eyes are probably the most important of these, keep it at a semi-intense level, only look at him and make him feel (as you no doubt want to do anyway) that he's the most important person in the room.

The rule is: there are no rules. Only vulnerability and the willingness and the courage to risk a "no". There can be no "yes" without the possibility of a "no". So go for it, all you have to gain is the delight of discovering someone new!

 

I would use the word "date".

"would you be interested in going on a date sometime?"

 

If you think he's really that shy, you might just ask him if he wants to hang out sometime? Any common interests? Maybe just a cup of coffee and conversation, since you seemed to enjoy each other's company? No need to go all in just yet...

And that's my two cents' worth, coming from a position of absolutely no experience on the dating scene, with either sex...

/Ed.

 

My limited experience in the gay scene is there are friends and dates with hard boundaries and you can get locked into "friend" by not showing dating interest.

Just what I have seen.

 

Hey GM - great progress! I'd probably not wait until he gets in touch though. If he's as shy as you describe then he might not necessarily make the first move back. What's a reasonable period of time to get back in touch to say, 'hey, was thinking that it would be good to meet up for a coffee soon' kind of thing? A fortnight? I think you can get in touch without it appearing desperate, especially if it's just that 'getting to know you' kind of date. If there's no reply or a brush off at that one, then maybe it's time to leave it to him next time?

I know what you mean though about being in your forties and suddenly finding that you might have that whole game to go through. I'm not advocating 'getting straight to the point' in any chat up conversations: "Yeah, so how about it eh?" (!!) - but having that confidence in yourself as a person others should want to be with and enjoy company with is a liberating experience.

 

I would suggest a confident friendly approach.

"Hey lets do lunch at xxxx"

Lunch is easier, no hidden agenda, and non threatening for him if he is shy.

 

i'd probably say something like, i really enjoyed spending time together and would like to do it again sometime.

 

Skiff has good advice. Reach out to him in a week or so with a specific plan. Ask him out. I agree that lunch is non-threatening. Pick a day and a place, and ask if that works. If he wants to go but that day doesn't work, y'all can work that out. But it's a lot less awkward than starting from scratch "what do you want to do?" "I don't know. What do you like?" "Etc etc.

 

tell him he looks like he has a pretty good eye for fashion and if he could help you pick some clothing out you need then he will be able to see you in what looks best to him if hes eager to dress u up he will probly be just as eager to undress you as well it worked for me

 

LOL! I love this. Sounds like a risky move to me, but it's great. (&&&)

 

Go for it. As you say, what do you have to lose? Hope it goes well

 

I'm with you on this. What do any of us have to lose? Too much lost already...

 

Well, he said he'd like to have dinner with you, and then asked about the support meeting. You said that wouldn't work, and offered him Friday or Saturday "if he wanted to do something." That sounds tentative to me--you started the conversation, after all. So why not just be more concrete? Something like, "What evenings work for you? I'm available on ____, ______, and ______ this next week." I don't think it comes across as pushing too hard. It's just saying, "No, I really am interested in spending time with you. How do we make this work?"

 

Very sweet! Keep us informed!!!