How did you ever get over self-loathing?

What is it about being a lesbian that you hate?

 

My theory is that self-loathing generally comes from lack of self-acceptance. There are things you cannot change about yourself, and if you keep trying to change them then that loathing becomes stronger. Begin by accepting that those immutable qualities you have are part of you, and that you will never be able to rid yourself of them. Make friends with these qualities because they make you who you are. We all want to be someone else at times. But we have to stop and think about the person we are as a whole, and not just as a bunch of parts mashed up together.

 

Do you have OCD? In regards to you making a mistake; that's ok, you're human, people do it all the time.
How about making friends who you can relate to? Maybe other lbgt people, it may help you to see that other lbgt people can be happy and so can you. It also helps so you don't feel as isolated.

If you fall in love with a guy one day then that's ok, its all part of the process of finding yourself.

 

I know about the self-loathing. Its a hard habit to break. It took a lot of brutal honesty with myself & my therapist to make progress with this. Being gay was not the biggest cause. It was covering up being gay. It was the illusions I created about my self because it was easier that really made me hate myself.
There was a lot of guilt. Illusions=lies & I had always thought of myself as a really honest person. It was a painful but necessary process taking myself apart to get to my core and seeing the truth.
For the first time in my life I don't hate myself. Sometimes I have bad days but its not about hating myself. Its figuring out who I am based on the real me. Who I am now that those illusions no longer exist.
(*hug*)

 

I don't know much firsthand about coming from a religious town, but generally anti-homosexuality teachings come from the notion that it is a choice and that it's something you just need to want badly enough to change, so it's your fault if you're gay. But tell that to those who spent years being depressed. Tell that to those who have tried therapy and prayer and even suicide. Tell that to those who have succeeded in committing suicide. It's not a choice for them, it is a freedom that allows them to live a full life.

I spent years wondering what's wrong with me and pushing myself to choose a heterosexual lifestyle (even though I never was sure I wasn't straight). Even though I didn't come from a religious household, homophobia knows no bounds and takes meany forms, and I couldn't fathom living openly.

Unfortunately, when you are dealing with a religious community, everyone in the community reinforces each others' perceptions of homosexuality, and acceptance is very hard to come by. But the first step i unlearning the self-hatred you've learned so you can love yourself, and hopefully love from others will follow.

 

I recommend reading Chely Wright's book Like Me.

 

I haven't gotten over it yet. I just get on with life. It surfaces here and there and sometimes sticks around more than I want it to but I try to forget about it. I even life with my gf so you would think I could get past the self-loathing but I can't. I've carried it around since I felt my first attractions for women I'm thinking 20 years ago.

 

It will take time until you can fully accept yourself but taking baby steps is a sure way of getting there

 

I suffered with self-loathing for many years. What's been helping me is being more aggressive in being out.

I took baby steps at first. No problems. I came out more. Still no problems. I now just let loose. I am gay. It feels wonderful.

Some days are better than others. Don't give up.

 

I identified as bisexual back then so I got a girlfriend. Because I found a girl who accepted me being bi, I decided it was ok to be bi. Later, I went to a gay community center, and made friends.

This might sound fucked up but me coming terms with my sexuality, had to with a period in my life where I felt fed up with Catholicism and Christianity for being anti-gay, because me hating myself for being gay had a lot to do with religion.

 

And for me, my episcopal church which is very welcoming to LGBT people helped me realize that there is nothing wrong with me. I am a child of God, just as I am. Being in a church where it is preached regularly that all people are loved and lovable just as we are helped me realize I was not "defective" or "damaged" like I previously thought. My church leaders are all straight and the congregation is 80-85% straight. But it's a big church and there are lots of LGBT couples with young kids. We are treated just like everyone else, which is really awesome. There is an LGBT group but the LGBT members also are involved in all facets of the church, not simply segregated.

I think this made the single biggest difference - along with being a mother and wanting to be a good example for my daughter - in my coming out. I want to live according to my values and my church helps me do that.

And by values - I mean being out.

 

Things like this really give me hope.