So I am trying to move on from the guy I fell hopelessly in love with and he just wants to be friends as he's still in love with his bf and I think there's a fairly high chance they'll get back together. So I need to move on. I used one of the apps the other day and there was a guy on it who got my attention from his photo and the blurb he had written. I didn't have a profile pic and he was clear in the about me part he wouldn't enter into chat with anyone who didn't have one. So. I did a quick google search - he put his name as his "name" and I now a bit more about him. He has a Facebook and linkedin page. Now. It was obvious that he was on the app looking for a date and chat and if I'd been braver if have messages him but I didn't. Is it weird or creepy that I make contact with him and say that I would've contacted him on the app but didn't have a photograph pic to share. I'm on LinkedIn too so he can see what I look like...? I'm just looking to get to know other guys rather than jump into bed with them. I'm trying to think how I would feel getting an out of the blue email at work...and that's why I'm asking the question. :dry:
Hi, As nicely as possible... inappropriate to stalk somebody in this fashion. People here on EC will warn others about odd behaviour on dating apps. If you fully support app use why no photo? Tom
Yeah. I did think that it would be a bit much but I just thought I'd make sure I am thinking correctly. I suppose I'm not at the ready stage of publicly being out and that's what holds me back on the photo front.
I'd agree. If you're not ready to put a picture up, then maybe you're not ready to be dating. You're going to be out in public, where anyone might see you, with another man. Conversely, on this app, presumably only other gay men are going to see you. Don't reach out to him in another way. He stated that he will only chat to people with pics - so he's not going to appreciate you going around that. He might have different motivations for making that request - superficial or otherwise. How about looking into other social events / activities for the LGBT community? Bowling leagues, softball teams, etc. That way you get to meet people with similar interests as yours in a non-hookup kind of atmosphere so that you can make friends and meet people 'the old fashioned way'.
Thanks guys. Yes. I just wanted to check... Great advice too. Getting used to being out is the most important thing right now. It's just like there's so much lost time to make up for it feels!
Sure you are...we all want that, plus there is the loss of intimacy...not just sex...being married, we're used to all kinds of small acts of intimacy...loooks, touches, words, gifts of time, labor, things...will our friends step into the gap or shun us...the sounds, sights, and smells of home will be gone...so we try to fell that void with a new friend, lover, or hookup...we're babes in the woods...regardless of our level of sophistication or status, we're new to the woods (forgve bear reference), and we are vulnerable to anyone who shows the least bit of interest in us...that's how starved we are. I would be majorly creeped out, by getting chatted up surreptiouly, but I get why you might want to do it...Don't. I joined the gay men's chorus, just to get out there apart for going to the bar I like once or twice a week and never at a peak time. If your religious at all try to find a gay friendly church...It's been a real comfort to me...check out your local LGBT centre. Let's know what you find out.
He might have that requirement not just because he wants to see what guys look like but because he only wants to chat with guys who are willing to put themselves out there enough to have a picture up. You are not there yet.
