I AM NOT LOOKING FOR HOOKUPS! Is there anybody on here from the UK? I need to talk to some people about what the "scene" is like in England. If my relationship with my fiance does not repair which i dont think it will. I would like to be able to meet somebody long term. I don't want to mess around like i did with girls in my teens. Wasted energy. I just want to settle down with somebody of a similar age. Full stop the end. Regards,
I can certainly appreciate you wanting to meet someone for a long term relationship. I just can't help but think that you're rushing this a little... You are currently engaged to a woman who has no idea what is about to happen to her. I'd focus on that before thinking about meeting men - for any kind of relationship. But there are people here in the UK, who can give you a sense as to how things are.
She might have a good idea, I have already told her that I am having unwanted same sex attractions (less not wanted as the days pass mind). had a breakdown infront Already told my mum, step dad and dad that I might be gay.... aswell as my best mate. All of which were totally shocked. I am like 6 foot 4, athletic, clever and really quite masculine. After my passed with women aswell.... this equally compounded the shock value. My fiance is really depressed at the minute, i can tell. I dont know when or how to tell her to be honest. My parents have gone away for ten days and I think i would need their financial support when it goes south. Cus if i tell her and she moves out and refuses to pay bills.... i am totally frakked (battlestar fans).
So, you put that first line all in CAPS for a reason... But you say you want to talk about the "scene." To me, that sounds maybe like more than you mean it to. So here's some stuff for you to think about. (I've said these things so often in my few days here that I've now copied it into a document so I can just paste it when needed. And I'd love to add to the list, if other readers offer more stuff.) Oh, there's so much out there for you... Some suggestions: - Does PFLAG have a presence in the UK? If not, I'm sure there's an equivalent. Great resource, where you'll find people looking for the same kind of support that you are. - There's EC, of course. What a loving, insightful bunch of folks hang around here! Everyone here is largely anonymous, but many will fast feel like you've known them--not how they look, or how they sound, but who they truly are--your entire life. You can lose your awkwardness here, and give your inner self room to breathe. This is the safest place I've ever known. - Google is your friend. Search for LGBT Activities (or any other arrangement of those 4 letters) and LGBT Support, and let Google use your location. You'll be surprised. I live in a pretty rural area, 2 hours from a major city, but with a city of 50,000 or so about an hour away. And I found groups that meet for dinners once a week, groups that go for a hike or run every week, welcoming churches, and so on. - Do you live near a college or university? If so, look for a Gay-Straight Alliance or similar group. Generally, these groups are not people looking to hook up. They're folks looking for a community they can feel a part of. - Find a good therapist to talk to. If you can't find or afford one, find a gay-welcoming church, and talk to the minister/pastor. These folk are often plugged into the network you're looking for. So, in addition to being someone to talk to about your feelings, they're more likely to be able to help you find additional resources. OK, so now back to your specific situation... Your fiancée is troubled;duh. She has this life planned out with you, and you've just upset her apple cart, so to say. This is a big deal for both of you! But way better to deal with this now than after you're married. Since you've already told her what you suspect is true, I'd advise talking to her again. See if she's willing to discuss this openly with you. Truly let her know where you say you are--you're questioning your sexuality and you have to figure this out. If you're the monogamous kind of guy you sound like, assure her that you won't cheat on her. (You won't, will you? You can explore your sexuality without having sex.) Explain that it wouldn't be fair to either of you to make further plans right now. Tell her you really, really, really love her (your words). Tell her you hope she can stick with you as you try to figure this out. If she loves you as much as you love her, I think there's a good chance she'll give you some space. The resources I suggested to you above are among the most non-threatening things you can do, both to her and to yourself. (Not to say that she won't feel threatened by them.) But, truthfully, you're on a journey. You've started on it, for whatever reason--it doesn't matter anymore. And you don't have much choice but to figure this out. Because you have to live an authentic life, whatever that means to you. This advice comes to you direct from an old man who's never had more with a guy than a genuine hug, but who knows his sexuality as a clear, bright, truth. /Ed.
i know the 'scene' from a few cities in the uk and scotland lol.... (ooh that sounds bad hah) and they are all generally the same. bars are bars, which more than likely means hookups e.t.c the scene from one city to the next doesnt differ just folk have different accents! at least imo. i prefer a few cities over others but the scene doesnt really change at all. some cities have more bars/clubs/cafes than another. some cities hardly have any! just depends where you go and what you are looking for. agree with the others a little, you seem to be rushing and seem to be doubting your relationship anyways. why drag it out? end it, then look. dont look behind your fiances back. above seem to know more about your situ than i do though so i could be talking out my butt.
