I'm older (in my 50s) and am *extremely* confused about my sexuality. I've had a regular nagging feeling that I was gay on and off through most of my adult life, but I kinda just brushed it off. I mean, when I was a kid I remember my first attractions were boys, but I did mess around with a girl once when I was around 10 or so? We didnt do anything specifically sexual, just felt each others breasts. I just kept thinking "theres no way I am gay... I am not attracted to any women!" Anyway, I've always had attraction to guys but was never in a long term relationship... I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I actually got married once for 2 years, but that basically crashed and burned pretty quickly. Sexually Ive never really connected to men, have almost always faked orgasms ... which when I think back on it was hilarious. I'd be very surprised if the guy didnt suspect. A number of months ago I read an article on Asexuality and thought "thats me!!" till recently. I started a new job about the same time and my boss is a really hot woman. I kinda felt like she was attracted to me... I cant explain it really. She would not infrequently bring up the fact that she wasnt gay (I mean, really?) and shes not attracted to women. I guess its because people often think she is gay and ask her. I know I have absolutely no right to tell someone what they do and dont feel, but I have a feeling she is. The attraction just started growing for me. I still kept denying to myself that I was attracted to her, but I am. I also think that everyone else believes shes gay. IDK I think its probably obvious to everyone that we're attracted to each other... lol sorry for the rambling but I've never ever felt this way toward a woman before. So last night I watched lesbian porn and thought it was great. I could totally picture myself there. This is a complete first for me.. or maybe its the first time I am being honest with myself. Well, thats why I signed up. I plan to read and hang out for awhile. I'll keep all of you posted on if anything progresses with my boss.
Hey Lilli, Welcome to EC! Self-discovery, at any age, is both frightening and thrilling. Pat yourself on the back for taking on this adventure...You're on the right track!
Thank you I'm hoping my posts are more coherent as time goes on... I just reread my OP and I'm all over the place looolll! For some reason I was extremely nervous about posting that... as though it just makes everything more real to say it. It felt good to get it out.
