A little food for thought for us Later in Life folks...

Hi John,

My aunt lived be 99 and what she taught me is to keep a youthful spirit and open mind.

It is a choice.

I have met 50 year holds old, so damn old in spirit. Then there was my aunt, she truly lived until she the day she died.

The trick I think is to break away from the herd. Be that person who can dance naked on the shore and truly revel in it.

Tom

 

Hey StillAround,

Marcus Aurelius had a thing or two to say about this:

You must become an old man in good time if you wish to be an old man long.

Substitute "loss" for "letting go", and then contemplate the paradigm shift this engenders. The former is passive, the other active.

If the blessings of youth and of the loves that happen between then and now must pass, letting go frames the proper attitude to these blessings, that they are never truly yours, that they are gifts. Youth, health, wealth, etc. really are gifts, which we should accept graciously, and let go gratefully.

 

My mother worked in a nursing home for a number of years and observed more than once that the the grumpy, difficult and unpleasant old people had generally started out as grumpy, difficult and unpleasant young people, and that age didn't so much change them as it made them more and more like themselves. And you could often see in their children the seeds and saplings of the same type of old person that their parents had become.

One of my favorite conversations with her, which has stuck with me for over 30 years, was about her grandfather. She never met him, as he had died when her mother was only a toddler, so he was largely a man of mystery to all of us. But when asked, her grandmother would always say with great sincerity and fondness that he was a "truly good man". I remarked to Mom that I would love to be remembered that way when I'm gone. Her reply was, "Then start living your life that way now--today. Because no one will think of you as a good man when you're dead if they don't think of you that way when you're alive."

Gay, straight, whatever, I think that speaks volumes to how to live our lives. Be TODAY the person you want to be when you are old, and live TODAY the way you want to be remembered when you're dead. Chances are you'll be a happier and more loved person in the long run.

 

I *love* this notion! I pray that I can continue to become more and more myself.

But it does raise the question...what causes grumpy, difficult, unpleasant *young* people?

 

Yes, but how does their unhappiness *so* affect/drive the mode of their lives? We all have unhappiness...just as with you, I've had many times of grumpiness and unpleasantness, and I *love* your articulation of how this relates to our own internal battles bubbling to the surface (thank you for that bit of wisdom from beyond my years!). But yet, I do not describe myself as grumpy or unpleasant *as a person*. Perhaps that comes from chronic inability to *cope* with unhappiness? To treat its sources productively?

But as I was reading your comments, I was struck by your signature...hit me like a thunderbolt (is it a new one, or did I just now notice it?). It was *that* specific recognition, almost in those exact words, that sparked my "getting over" my adolescent grumpy unpleasantness. The recognition that I can be myself, and if people judge me...well, they'll judge me anyway...at least if I'm myself, they'll be judging honestly; and if *I'm* happy with who I am, then I have no need to care what anyone else thinks...those who like me will be drawn to me. For me, that was exactly the cure for coping with unhappiness...for treating its sources productively.

I doubt my sister was as different or as criticized as I was...she was the beautiful, straight, "good-girl" honor roll student. And yet I'm sure she never learned that lesson of self-acceptance, and so remains battered down by what criticisms she does perceive...and she perceives them everywhere...and so she has become, in many ways, grumpy and unpleasant. *sigh* Life is such a harsh trial...surely there's a better way to accomplish whatever it's meant to accomplish :icon_bigg.

 

I think we all have our bad days, or sometimes weeks or more. God knows I do. But the ones who manage to keep that youthfulness are the ones who keep that behavior a transitory thing and keep themselves moving past it. They don't let their negative experiences define who they are. They are just negative experiences to learn from and leave behind. It's when that negativity defines your whole being and attitude and you refuse to even own up to it, that you become one of those grumpy old (or young) people.

Taken down to the basics, what's the difference in attitude between old age and youth? Old age means that you believe that the best parts of your life are in the past or are unattainable. Youth means you believe they are still on the way. You can be 99 and still believe tomorrow is full of possibilities, and you can be 30 and believe tomorrow will suck. It's far easier to believe it will suck, because it absolves you of any responsibility to make your life better. Looking at the possibilities is hard work at first, and many people refuse to consider the idea. But it's addictive, and in the end, it's worth it.

 

Well actually, the difference between old age and youth is about 70 years' worth of wear *smile*.

I think some personality types are more (much more) amenable to looking ahead than looking at the now...some of us simply can't help looking ahead, and find it *hard* to see the now. I'm not sure that this difference is a significant contributor to youthfulness (gosh, I sure hope it is, though! *smile*). But it's an interesting theory you posit!

 

wow, that really summed up my lousy attitude toward life for many years.... working on turning the ship around, the extra mass both physically and mentally creates a lot of inertia. :icon_wink

 

There was a interesting TV program on a flight i took a few weeks ago, its was
Don't worry, be happy.
The idea was if you try to make yourself feel happy then its good for your brain and also the friends around you will feel better as well.
I have one straight friend who is always complaining, I have actually stopped talking to him, it kind of helped I moved cities but he was an example of, constantly worried or upset about things so his online persona was this grumpy old man, a few times people have said is he really that grumpy in person, not really but get to know him better then he will start to bring out the grumpy side but brings up the fact that you act grumpy around people it brings the mood down.

Also you have all reminded me of another song "Caught In The Crowd"
I guess you want to walk your own path.