I am still in this in this angry mood. I think I have a right to be. After all, I am hated by the closet people in my life if I am to be me and not who they want me to be. If I am bi or gay, I am hated. If I am straight, I am loved. That’s pure b.s! I do not have a bad history of anything. I don’t have any criminal record. I never abused my pending ex-wife, our child, anyone in or out of the family. I don’t have a history of moody or angry or anti-social. I am not a taker or use of people. If anything, I am known as a giver to others even if it takes away from me. No! I am no saint or perfect anyone. I won’t say I am, but I am not a bad person doing bad things. I am not a pervert trying to have sex with this person or that. I am just me. I care and love people and try to treat them with compassion and respect. I try just to live a normal life like anyone would try. Nothing great or special and nothing horrible either. Yet, if I am not straight, I am hated. I have to be man who loves woman in order to be wanted and loved by those I feel closet to. If my partner is my ‘girlfriend’ or my ‘wife’ I am good to go and loved by all. If my partner is a guy, woo. I am so hated and not wanted. That is so b.s! Who I love is my business. What my partner and I do is also our business and has ‘ZERO’ impact on others and their right to pass judgment. I have never flaunted my private life in front of others. So if I am bi or gay, it’s not okay. If I am straight, I am loved and welcomed in. Ya know what I am? F’m Angry! I am angry cause my heart is judged on the conditions of others and that is so very wrong. I am angry cause if I love a guy, I can not be loved by those closest to me. I am angry because I want to be me and this f’n society is still so intolerant of that! Yes, straight, bi, or gay, I am above all right now angry. I am also very hurt.:bang:
Wow...I feel so bad for you right now...You aren't bad nor you can choose what you are...My oldest "friend" pretty much told me I was no longer wanted in her or her family's life if I continued to choose this lifestyle...Really...Really...As if someone would choose to be gay after being married 25 years and 3 children...A minority group reviled by so many...It sucks...My mother was prepared to disown me shortly after my father died, and I'm an only child, when I was in my early 20's...Went into the closet and bolted the door...The only thing I can say is to hang on and know this will pass...You're not alone...You've the right to be pissed and hurt...Know that you've got friends here.(*hug*)
Max, I understand your anger. I feel disappointed in such people. But I realize that they are doing their best in a complicated world, and that if they are so limited in spirit as to not be able to accept me, then these are *their* limitations...their limitations say nothing about me. And such people needn't affect me. Particularly, I do not want or need the friendship of bigots. It's only when they seek to violate my rights that I get angry...but even that anger is tinged with pity.
Hi Max, We closeted guys or guys in denial tend to be people pleasers. We go along to get along, forfeiting huge chunks of our wants, needs and desires to be wanted, to belong (despite being gay/bi). Realizing this can leave you angry, especially the realization they NEVER loved you for who you really are. Also... Suddenly you are a minority. You know exactly what it feels like to be black, Jewish, Hispanic, Native American (pick your group). And unlike them you did not grow up with it, it is being thrust upon you suddenly. You know what the pink triangle meant; Those were our tribe too. You have a right to be angry. The trick is you turn the anger to pride and become a beacon. Sounds impossible now but it will come with time. Tom
Max, you have every right to feel angry. You're angry because you dared to care for these people who are important to you. Because you dared to invest so much of you life, your energy and emotion to support them. And now, when they learn JUST ONE PART of you is mot what they expected... well you're no longer welcome, or loved, or whatever. Been there. It rips your heart out and puts it through the blender. BUT, keep this in mind. You are not the one that is truly hurt by their intolerance, they are. If they push you away, they lose a valuable part of their lives, just because you would prefer a man as you lifelong partner. It's no one's business how or whom you love, what matters is how you interact with the people in your life and the world at large. Don't let the anger co.sume you, or you've allowed them to put you in a different closet. As painful as it was, after I moved away from my parents after allowing myself to be put back in my box, I basically excised that part of my life; co.tact wasiited to holidays and birthdays. I absolutely resented them for soong, now I just feel sorry for them. Mom died without being able to have me more involved in her care. Dad has never picked up the phone since I moved 18 years ago, and we've spoken only once since moms funeral a year ago. It hurts, but I cannot go back to "be the good son" just to make them happy. Now I have to work on my own family to be a better man than I grew into being for all these years.
Max, my friend... One of the really horrible aspects of homophobia is that people express hatred and they don't even know you. These people have never met you or me, but they express such venom toward us. My best advice is in two parts: 1. It's natural to be angry. Sometimes it's the anger of, "Why did I get stuck with this?" (Who knows?) Or it's the anger of being treated as if you've done something wrong, self-indulgent, or otherwise reprehensible (you haven't). But it's okay to be mad. It is frustrating! I still get angry sometimes: at the world for making me have to live like this. And I get angry at those who lash out against homosexuality either to me directly or to gay people as a whole. I'm usually depressed first, and that means asking "what did I do wrong?" Anger comes later, and I think it's a good sign. It means that I've recognized the injustice. 2. I find solace in science. It's my profession, so I'm drawn to scientific answers. Sexuality is still a mystery, but sometimes it's easier to recognize that being gay has a lot to do with biology. There are genetic predictors (the number of older male siblings, a gay uncle, or a gay twin, for example.) Even if you don't fit in to those scenarios, you have to realize that there is scientific evidence to show that you didn't plan this for yourself; it isn't a choice. It just happens. Science also means affirmation from every major medical and psychiatric organization. Homosexuality hasn't been considered an illness since 1972. You're not sick, Max, nor are you a criminal of any kind. You're just growing and evolving. We're all here with you. Take very good care of yourself.
Hi, Anybody here who remembers Red Skelton knows how he ended every show. He believed we are all here for a purpose, to build, not to destroy. Yeah, you are angry. We all could find an ocean of things to rant about, to grieve and wail over. But in doing that you lose this moment, this now, this opportunity to do something new, something better, something joyous. Yes, we all have a purpose to create. Don't waste another moment to create, to live, to love, to make a better world for yourself and others. Anger cannot achieve that, regret cannot achieve that, shame cannot achieve that. Only by finding the joy of taking those first few tentative steps of creating a happier world for yourself can you build and not destroy. === “Whoever has ears, let him hear. There is light within a man of light, and he (or "it") lights up the whole world. If he (or "it") does not shine, he (or "it") is darkness.” Excerpt From: Thomas O. Lambdin. “The Gospel Of Thomas.” === So shine, create, build and lead those bent on destruction to a better place. It is all any of us can do. Tom
