Should I tell my sister...

Hi,

Ha, ha, ha. Sorry. You don't have kids? A baby totally re-orders your life. Your sister's focus will be her child till the day she dies. If you want to get little to no reaction tell her now.

I do not think she will drop the baby and fret about you and your news. You are an adult, the child is an infant needing 24/7 care and attention. I think you have this backwards and are hyper focused on yourself.

Or you are simply rationaliIng another excuse NOT to take action.

As having been a new parent I can tell you the worries of others is not a priority to new parents at all, they have their hands full.

You could also say your sister is the most nurturing she will ever be at this moment.

Just my opinion.

Tom

 

Hi,

Not a wimp, simply over thinking.

Tom

 

You should definitely tell her now she will be tired and nurturing totally obsessed with her baby.

 

Hi,

Gotta ask... How did she respond to text? Positive or negative, or ambivalent?

Tom

 

Glad to hear it! I have a sister 11 months younger than me who I've been thinking of telling. She lives 1000 miles away and I only get to see her once a year. Her life is even more of a mess than mine is so I've been hesitant to add something else to the mix. Perhaps it's time.

 

Choirboy,

What if telling your sister is a blessing to her?

It can go either way.

What if the crux of her problems are unspoken sexuality issues?

You never know.

Tom

 

Actually, she has a 22-year-old daughter who is a lesbian, so I suspect she's already had a few chances to re-evaluate. She has many of the same issues with social anxiety and connecting with people that I do, but her "drug of choice" was children (she's got 6) and some problems with hoarding and, I suspect, agoraphobia. Mine seems to be to to live my life like Shel Silverstein's "Giving Tree".

 

Hi,

My opinion... Closeted gays are "people pleasers", to the point they will forfeit self identity to garner praise and affection.

Of course you are a giving tree.

Just my opinion.

I cannot wait to establish a relationship with a guy like me who is out. We will please ech other honestly.

Tom

 

And the others will think what they want/need to think. But they will own that. Not us. My sig below says it all for me. :lol:

 

I suspect I won't have a problem liking me, once I actually RECOGNIZE me. That seems to be the main problem lately.

 

You are the same exact person only more honest.

Don't buy into gay culture claptrap as defining "gay". If it ain't you it ain't you, and forcing youself into a gay culture closet (not unlike the one you just left) will make you happier.

Whoever you are now or always have been is not going to change, only thing is you will share that person with a man instead of a woman.

That is it.

No matter where you run and hide there you are. No escaping that.

 

I'm less concerned about sharing with a man, or men, or a community, than I am about simply not having anything worth sharing with anybody. One of the big factors that kept me in the closet years ago was the fear that I would step out of the closet, shut the door behind me and discover I was face to face with a wall, with nowhere to go. I hate the thought of continuing the path of defining myself by what I can do for others, because I know it's not healthy, but by the same token, I'm so wildly out of touch with who I am, what I want, and even what I'm interested in, that I don't really know where to even try to fit in as myself, as opposed to someone's husband or father. I'm not even talking about relationships or sex, just basic things like what do I even have to talk about with people besides what my kids did the other day or what I made for supper.

I can tell I must be getting closer to some kind of mental turning point, because I remember feeling a whole lot like this 30 years ago. It wasn't pretty then and it's not pretty now, and I hope I have the sense and strength to make the right choice, because I have a pretty good idea what it is.

 

Choirboy,

Given your posts here on EC, I find it hard to believe that you're not in touch with who you are and what you want. You are so articulate and sincere on this site--maybe you just haven't found someone you can really be yourself with.

I can easily imagine you and I sitting in front of a fireplace with glasses of wine, or good scotch, or great gin, or whatever, and talking the night away.

Your words speak of depression--the sense that you see nothing of yourself that others would find interesting. And I have a lot of experience with people suffering from prolonged depression. Are you seeing a therapist? Maybe that might help...

I'm here, and I'd love to keep talking to you.

As a young friend said after we'd met just once, when making arrangements to meet up again, "This is the start of a beautiful friendship. Just accept it." And we haven't run out of things to talk about and share since.

Stay with us.

Shalom.

 

I'm new here and still sort of lurking, seeing how my experiences match with others, but I really wanted to comment. I totally identify with trying to please other people to the point of chopping myself down. If no one else has suggested it, there should be a thread.