Why is it that no matter how old I get, my mom can make me feel so young and stupid? I was finally feeling okay with everything. I had evened out over my husband's revelations of unfaithfulness, I had my first appointment with the lawyer and filed our paperwork for the divorce, and I even went to a new church this weekend and for the first time in years felt comfortable and welcome. Then I talked to my mom today. And I know the woman loves me, but when she asked about did we make a decision concerning our divorce and I told her yes, she lost it and began preaching at me. I've known she's suspected that I've “changed” my sexuality since my husband and I have had difficulties. And she began hinting heavily that because I turned my back on God and the church's teachings (that I grew up with), that I've opened the door for satan's influence and that's why I've “changed”. I knew it. I just knew that's what she would jump to when she either figured it out or I told her that I was gay. She wanted me to tell her today over the phone, but I wouldn't. I'm not going to be forced into a conversation that I absolutely cannot win or even contribute to rationally. Plus, she doesn't want to hear me anyway. At least my brother was willing to listen to me. Maybe he can help me figure out how to talk to her and get her to listen without jumping to judgment. She keeps saying she loves me and she always will, but why can't she see that she's killing me with this? She kept talking about how I needed to turn back to God and how I never gave Him a chance and how if I was cracking the door open for the devil, then that made it easier for him to get at my kids. I know its sounds crazy. But she really believes that if I just pray more, then everything will be okay. Me, my marriage, the kids. I've told her that I have prayed. I've prayed and I believe that God accepts me as I am. But I guess she doesn't believe me. The funny thing is, my husband and I talked tonight and we were actually more at ease with each other than we've been in a long time. We're both still in agreement that we're going through with the divorce. We discussed his cheating and why. And he asked a bunch of questions about how I figured out I was gay. He even said in retrospect a lot of things I said made sense based on certain things he'd picked up about me throughout our years together. I still think there may be days when our emotions may get the better of us, and we've made agreements to try to give each other space if/when that happens. But it seems kind of weird that we had such a cordial discussion tonight after what my mom and I had this afternoon. I know that's a lot of text, so if anyone read it, thanks. I just needed to get it out. I feel so off balance right now.
Everyone needs a good vent every once in a while hun I know I do. Otherwise if you just let it build you'll end up blowing up and heaven forbid make a given situation worse.
Hi, I read it to the point of your mother stating you turning your back on God. That was the point I realized you were dealing with a manipulative, sadistict idiot, who happens to be your mother. Sorry. No, not a nice truth to speak but a truth nonetheless. I am sure the bible speaks about "pearls before swine" for a reason. You are an adult, you are gay, it is not a choice AND you deserve RESPECT. Set boundaries with your mother. When she breaks them she will be penalized (you know what you have that she wants access to; talking, love, relationship, time, grandchildren, etc). Be nice, establish rules, when she breaks them punish. Some will say how can you deny your mother time with children? Who puts children down to spend time with a snake or have the child be taught hate in the name of God? You need to establish adult boundaries with your mother. Tom
