Where to start. Started coming out about 6 months at the young age of 55. I always liked guys for as long as I can remember. Off and on from about 13 to 21 I had sex with another guy in the neighborhood. I only had one serious girlfriend and she kept telling me I was gay and eventually I found that we are better off as friends. Today she is one of my closest friends. At first I was telling almost everyone that I am gay. I have since have pulled back somewhat. Not going back in the closest, but just being a little more discreet on who I tell. Some people don't need to know. Only one person has distanced himself from me and me like wise with him, which I just realized. He is the one person I have know the longest who I came out to. I have brought up the subject, but he quickly switches the subject. Early on I developed a crush, which was not mutual. Most crushes seem to be that way. it turned into an emotional mess for me so I have removed my self from the situation and have cut off all contact. We both attend a 12 step group. Fortunately there are enough meetings in the area that I can go to without running into him. Sometimes I feel I have wasted all this time not coming out and finding happiness. On the other hand, I came out when I was suppose to come out. The 55 going on 16 is about an article I read a few months ago about people who come out later in life and go through adolescence in regards to their sexual identity. So I have all these adolescent emotions, which at times has been thrilling and at other times so overwhelming. My close friends have been very supportive and reassure me that what I am going through is normal. I need to hear that at times. Not sure where i am going with this.
I think you will find a whole lot of people in this section of EC who are experiencing those adolescent emotions! For a lot of us, our adolescence was quickly hidden once we realized we were different from the other kids, and many of the things we should have felt as teens or young adults were buried and blunted. We range from our 30's to our 70's, many of us with spouses and children, all realizing to our great surprise that we can actually allow ourselves to feel. Not just attraction, but excitement, enthusiasm, and enjoyment for life. What an amazing revelation! The real trick, of course, is to figure out what to do with the families we have created in our attempts to be considered "normal". I have a wife and two teenage daughters; we have many moms and dads here who are struggling to do what is best for both ourselves and our families. Our adolescence is tempered with a bit more common sense and experience than it would have been in our teens. But it's still an amazing feeling.
You might benefit from reading about the process, as related by Loren A. Olsen M.D. in his book, "Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight". He discusses the issue of deferred adolescence in delayed coming out.
Welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. I tell people the same things about the emotions and how they can be very overwhelming at first. You're experiencing some of them for the first time in your life, when many of your peers experienced them when they were in their teens. So yes - it can be confusing and overwhelming at times. But it will pass. Good luck. And again, welcome.
Welcome to EC and Later in Life, like everyone else said there's a lot of us in the same boat; some of us are sitting at the dock still, other are out on the lake rowing away. We all get where we need to be in our own right time. Look forward to talking to you more. -Rich
I am 57 and I feel like this period is the same of my youth. I wonder if anyone had a crush on one for many years and did not date anyone. That's me, the lonely one on a Saturday night, yet I am a survivor. ---------- Post added 23rd May 2015 at 05:51 PM ---------- That's a great quote. Here's one for a Saturday morning: "Wake up now or later you'll still be asleep."
I really struggled to control my feelings last summer and fall when my 'trigger' happened. I'm going on a girls' weekend with her and another friend next weekend, so I will keep you posted as to how if feel next week. I'm hoping that all our face timing this year will mean I've calmed down enough to just be friends in person, as I was kind of a mess!
I feel the same with the adolescent emotions. Started coming out to friends the last couple of weeks and go out for the 2nd time tomorrow with a guy I met online. Its definitely strange to be dating for the first time at this age. It's really new for me since I never even tried to pretend I was straight and date women. Just never dated anyone. A little scary, but definitely worth it.
