So I was invited over to this forum. Before you continue please read my post in the Coming Out forum which can be found here. With that out of the way I am at your disposal and in need of your counsel.
Welcome over here at Late in Life, anilox. Some questions for you... Do you live in an area that is gay-tolerant (family aside)? One way to find out is to google LGBT activities in ______, and see what comes up. It may surprise you. Look for a PFLAG chapter near you. Even if the closest is an hour or two away, it will be worth it. Tell me more about the exorcisms. What was that about? Assuming your family won't be supportive, you might want to stay away from telling them anything for now. Sounds like you're in a pretty fragile state right now. You said that you're in a relationship with a woman right now. Do you need some space to deal with your own issues? I suspect so... If you really have no doubt about your sexuality, maybe it's time to break off that relationship to get in touch with your own feelings. Or, if she really wants to support you, to let her in on the issue. We've talked a lot on this forum about being people-pleasers, about trying to gain affection/approval in our lives by basically suppressing who we really are. Sound familiar? There's a thread near the top of the forum dealing with that. You might also look at Richie8109's thread about being gay and married. And I recommend you look up threads and posts from skiff, choirboy, and GayDad. Come back and talk to us some more. There's a lot of collective wisdom here, and a more caring bunch of (anonymous) people you'll never find. Welcome!
An invitation?? Oh, I am *so* jealous! I just crashed and thankfully, nobody's thrown me out yet! It is so cool that you've managed to realize your sexuality without getting yourself into a doomed long term relationship. In terms of how to move forward...start slow and feel your way along. Is there any kind of LGBT community where you are? Perhaps one that holds social events? At least a college campus near by? Often they'll hold LGBT-related talks or forums that are open to the public, and you might be able to tap into what LGBT culture exists in your area through that. Just some starter thoughts. Good luck...oh, and yes, welcome! This is definitely a good forum for you!
Hi, Welcome! Be sure to get your logo jacket and hat at the "Later In Life" gift shop at the door. I assume the exorcisms were ignorant attempts at reparative therapy to change your sexuality? Sorry that happened to you. On the upside you are young and resilant. From the "religion" standpoint... Religion has nothing to do with God. From time in memorial mankind has done the most heinous, unGodly things in the name of God. Being born gay is just one of the favorite targets of these sadists. How can we help? By the way... Just because you gave up on religious whack-jobs (terrorists using emotional bombs) doesn't mean you have to give up on God. Two very diverse topics. Tom
I have unfortunately gotten myself involved in a doomed long term relationship. I have been with my female partner for six years now. I feel like given my background that seeking relationships with women was a defense mechanism. When you grow up regularly hearing things like fags go to hell and such it scars you when it comes from the people you love/admire/respect most in this world. As for religion I am a pretty staunch atheist. That really has not so much to do with the things I was subjected to as it is a personal choice that I made. So to answer the questions. I live in an exceptionally gay tolerant area. The exorcisms..they were because I liked comic books and fantasy novels and things that were deemed by our church elders to be evil. I remember coming home one day to find all of my he-man and sheera toys thrown out. My entire My Little Pony collection gone and my Care Bears as well because it was decided that all of those things were evil for various reasons. I am beyond certain that 90% of my family will not support me and will likely never speak to me again once I come out. Tolerance is not something we were taught growing up and sometimes I wonder if I hadn't been different in a way that I had no choice about if I would have turned out as intolerant as they are. I have no doubt about my sexuality but through discussing this with my therapist we both agreed that it is best to plan for the cataclysm and have it not happen than not plan for it and be decimated by it. I don't know how she is going to react but I need to have myself in a position where the worst outcome can be managed in such a way that I can continue to do things like sleep in a bed with a roof over my head and get to work.
I commend you for sharing your story here, you really are not really any different than the rest of us. Everyone's story varies the details, but the bottom line is our dysfunctional society and families contributed to our decisions to marry and have children in order to conform, to "do the right thing" and be "who we were expected to be". I particularly empathize with your hard-core intolerant "christian" (deliberately in quotes and lower-case) family situation, I still have the battle scars from my own family. It sounds like you've found a good therapist. The first advice I received when I admitted to my best friend that I am gay, was to make sure I did my homework first before doing anything else. Not just making sure if things go to hell when you come out to your partner that you'll have somewhere to sleep, but all the other things that go along with it. You didn't mention you're married but you have a child(ren), so there are all kinds of considerations there, emotional and financial. How about your relationship with her family? The good thing going for you is living in a very gay tolerant area, so you should have options for resources to get support as you go through this process. Looking forward to talking more, as I'm in a marriage with children and working on doing my homework before taking the plunge. -Rich
Her family is just as intolerant than my own with the added bonus of being comprised largely of drug addicts and convicted felons. She is one of those stories you hear of a kid over coming that kind of upbringing and not turning out the same as. Those that raised her in such an awful environment. The bottom line her unfortunately is that I am not likely to see support from either family. There are fortunately LGBTQ resources here that I have al ready started working on making connections with because when this goes down its likely that it is going to create a lot of fallout and I know that I am go ing to need resources to be able to deal with that.
All I really have to offer are hugs (*hug*) I'm so glad you are here. I wish you all the best with what the future holds for you.
Anilox, you have friends here that will support you as much as we can. Parents can sometimes surprise you. My mom was very religious. I fully expected her to quit speaking to me. She said she didn't agree with my lifestyle but she would always love me. My dad said he didn't have a problem with gay people. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best!
I really appreciate all the well wishes. It's nice more than anything to know that I am not alone right now in coming to terms with my sexual orientation and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I'm not entirely sure what sports has to do with anything but I really only keep a peripheral tab on sports. I can hold a conversation about them but I don't really follow them.
So to update everyone. Yesterday she stumbled onto a conversation on my iPad with a gay friend that was having in the course of trying to suss these things out soils it or not I am out of the closet with her. She was understandably devesated by what she read. This was not the way that I wanted her to find out but there isn't much to be done about that at this point. About two hours into the conversation we elected to call close friends and let them know what was going on. I was terrified but our friends were unbelievably supportive if both of us. It's touch and go for the moment and I have no idea what to do now but at least I know I don't have to do it alone.
