Hello everyone. Been reading these forums for a little while and decided to join. Seems like a great place for support. I'm in a long term hetero relationship and feel like i am finally ready to accept myself. I can no longer deny that something very important is missing. My boyfriend knows i am attracted to women and we have talked about it before. Its getting harder for me to go on like nothing is wrong. He is a very caring and loving guy and i feel lucky to have him in my life. I feel like i should be happy with him, but I'm not. I feel horrible, but i just can't do this anymore. I want to be happy with myself and allow myself to be me and i have a lot of self hate built up over the years prob because i keep trying to hide who i am. ---------- Post added 15th Feb 2014 at 04:33 AM ---------- I have been with him since i was 13 off and on, have never been in a relationship with anyone else. I have been through so much with him over the years. I have known since i was young that i was attracted to women and never paid much attention to men. When i was in 9th grade i had class with him and knew he liked me and i had fun taking to him so i decided to ask him out to see what it was like to be in a relationship to see what it was all about. It was quite a while before we had sex and when we finally did it was very awkward to me. I just figured it was because i was inexperienced. It took me many years to start to fully understand why it was so awkward as my attraction to women grew. Several years ago i brought it up to him and he didn't want to hear it and said he wouldn't be able to be just friends. It terrified me because he is the only person i really talk to so after a while we decided to try to work it out and we've stayed together since. ---------- Post added 15th Feb 2014 at 04:41 AM ---------- I thought that i could learn to be happy with him, but I'm not sure that's possible. I just came out to my friend yesterday and just telling her took a huge weight off of me. It surprised me when she said she could have told me that because she had a feeling i was into women.
It's great that your friend accepted it! Congratulations! "The first step" is the hardest to take and you got through it! Now, for the relationship part. If you're not happy you need to get out of it. You should never have to sacrifice your happiness for someone else's. I know you've been with him for a long, long time and it's not going to be easy, but you have to experience other relationships. You should always feel comfortable and happy in one.
Hello! I can relate. I'm hetero married for a little over ten years and this line of your post describes about everything I feel in my relationship: "I feel like i should be happy with him, but I'm not." My husband is an amazing man - truly, truly amazing. Yes, he has his faults but he is everything I should want...except that I want to be with a woman. I've been with my husband adobe I was 17 and am going through a similar journey and trying to see how much longer I can hold on to my "normal" life. I'm here if you want to talk.
It's amazing you get when you start telling people!! It gets easier and easier I think!! Be brave be truthful and all will be good!!
I'm so glad i found this place, it makes me feel good to know that I'm not the only one. I knew i wasn't, but its great to be able to share it with other people going through the same thing without fear or judgment. I love your signature Richie, that's pretty much where I'm at in my life right now.
You are young, you must choose what makes you happy. If you stay in a life where you are not happy, the people who are close to you won't be happy either. I'm going through a break up with my husband at the moment. I thought we were forever but I have realised I am no longer happy with him. It feels rubbish at the moment but I have to move on. It's sounds like you do too. Good luck, you are doing the right thing for everyone in the long run. Why should you live a lie to keep others happy. You deserve to be happy too. X
I feel like this has held me back so much in my life because i just didn't want to accept it. The more time goes by though the more you realize you can't as easily brush it off to the aside anymore. Its like all of your bottled up emotions reach critical mass at some point and it kills you more trying to keep them contained.
I know its time for me to move on, but i don't think I'm quite there yet. Even though it what I've wanted for so long its not easy. He's been part of my life since i was 13. Just coming here and talking has given me a lot of confidence.
After coming out to my friend a couple days ago i was feeling really happy that i was finally able to tell someone other than my boyfriend, but now i think that's wearing off and I'm starting to feel depressed and everything again. I know i would be happy with a woman, but i don't have a clue where to meet someone. I'm a shy a quiet person and don't think i would be able to go to a club or bar. Ugh, i hate this. Sometimes i think it would be better if i was just never born. Its hard for me to trust anyone and I'm so awkward socially. I feel like i would just lose him and not be able to find a woman i can connect with. Guess its just my anxiety kicking in again.
I am similar, at the moment I need to go through the separation with my husband. Then I'm going to take some time to settle with my children. After that I will look into groups that meet in my area. I know there are groups that meet to go walking around my area. I wouldn't be comfortable going to bars. There are also ways to meet people online. You will be fine. Look into groups within your area. Don't chose something you won't be comfortable with. You can't live a lie anymore it's not fair on you. You deserve to be happy. I have had many dark thoughts like you. I am on antidepressants to help. The best thing I have done is seen a Councillor. She has made me believe I can do this. You may be shy, but it doesn't mean you won't find anyone for you. With the internet the world is your oyster. Don't give up before you have begun. X
For me personally I wouldnt be as concerned about finding someone else but just finding myself. The rest will happen as you go along. What woke me up was meeting a woman that I am wildly attracted to. I have no idea where I will end up. Its a journey in progress, and I find it extremely freeing and exciting. Reading your OP I was absolutely thrilled for you. I hope you get your bearings back and move forward *hugs*
Hello...I'm new here as well and I am going through a similar situation...I've been with my fiance for 6 yrs. now and I have been married in the past. I am really confused about what I feel, but I am trying to work through it by talking about it on here and writing about it. I hope you find the answers that you are looking for and that your journey to self discovery is one filled with happiness.
Wow, is all i have to say about today. I was all nervous about where to meet people and two opportunities knocked today, well one was maybe a week ago that i just realized. The friend i told about me being a lesbian asked me over like a week ago two days in a row lol. Guess i should mention she is bi. After thinking about her response when i told her and how she wasn't surprised it has me thinking that she asked me over already knowing that about me. I was actually kind of worried she would think i was trying to flirt with her or something because she is the only true friend i have had in a long time. i still haven't taken her up on the offer, maybe i should? i find it easy to talk to her and know i can trust her with anything. She knows about some of my darkest times in life and was still there for me and has just always been so accepting and understanding. ---------- Post added 17th Feb 2014 at 01:15 AM ---------- I'm literally sitting here right now kind of shaky with sweaty palms, lol. Lots of emotions right now. Anyway, the second opportunity that arose. I was driving a friend from work home and he said that we should hang out sometime like go to a bar or something. I told him that i have never been to a bar, but was actually wanting to go to one lately. I get really nervous when there are a lot of people around. It kind of appeals to me right now though like maybe i could go to a bar without having a freak out attack, lol. He asked what kind of bar i wanted to go to and the first couple places he mentioned were not even possibilities for me. Then he named one downtown and was the place that immediately came into mind when he suggested we hang out. My heart jumped, but i didn't let it show. Kinda played it off like maybe that i wasn't completely opposed to it like the two previous. Seriously though, how much one day can change things. So nervous, not sure I'm ready for the bar scene. Hanging out with the friend i came out to sounds more my speed, lol. Prob just hanging out at her house watching a couple movies and maybe having something to eat. Although i have kind of lost my appetite lately, just not very interested in food. It would be a no pressure just relax and talk kind of thing, could use a real friend to talk to. You guys are great though! This site is such a good find at a time when i really need support.
Sorry for the extremely long posts, guess I've been holding in a lot over the last 30 years. Lol. I've had so many emotional problems because of this. I'm so glad i met my therapist, she has helped me a lot. I started going to her several years ago and i only recently told her because i finally had the courage somehow. She said it makes some things about me make more sense and why i feel the way i do. I had been going to her for like maybe a year or two when i had a serious mental breakdown that i had to be hospitalized for. They called it a psychotic break. At the time it happened i had been thinking deeply for many months about my sexuality and between that, work, my boyfriend and just normal everyday life it basically over loaded my brain. I finally came out to my therapist like 4 months ago. That was over 3 years after it happened. I kind of feel like i have said too much on here.
Did i scare everyone away? I know i said i felt like i said to much on here, but why should it even bother me? I don't know anyone here. I do value all of your opinions though. Guess i went a little overboard with the sharing...oops.
