I spent part of my weekend listening to some talks that were delivered by a minister whom I once casually knew. I will, of course, avoid any talk of theology. But one idea hit me hard, and it might be of value to others here. This idea sums up the past: "It was what it was." I needed to hear this line. I have been in a phase of feeling haunted by the past--both bad events, and really bad decisions that I made then. From an EC perspective, it's easy to wish that I'd realized "I'm gay" years ago. Now that I've realized it, I am faced with a reality that some bad decisions I made in years gone by make me hard--if not impossible--to market myself for any sort of long term relationship today. And so on. It's very easy to look at the past, how things could be different, etc, etc, etc. Hindsight is always 20/20. And it's so easy to wish that things could have been different. But things weren't different. The past: it was what it was. This idea somehow gave me a feeling of calm acceptance. Whether or not that acceptance lasts is another story, of course...
"It was what it was" i like it. "you are what and who you are, be yourself, be yourself, be yourself!" - I repeat this or similar quite a few times to myself through my working day.
Hi BMC, One of my dearest friends uses this phrase all the time, but in the present tense: Is is what it is. Both tenses entirely accurate. I mean, I'm 69... More time for bad decisions. Guilt, regret, you name it, I'm dealing with it. But, as skiff and others here say, "The only way is forward." You listed your location as Western Washington. Me too... Maybe we can start our own group, and give the Wisconsin badgers a run for their money... (*hug*) ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2014 at 03:46 PM ---------- Hi BMC, One of my dearest friends uses this phrase all the time, but in the present tense: Is is what it is. Both tenses entirely accurate. I mean, I'm 69... More time for bad decisions. Guilt, regret, you name it, I'm dealing with it. But, as skiff and others here say, "The only way is forward." You listed your location as Western Washington. Me too... Maybe we can start our own group, and give the Wisconsin badgers a run for their money... (*hug*)
"It is what it is" was also used in the same talk, and it's also a line with value. The minister was even mentioning "it is what it is" was something he and his late wife said as her health declined. The one huge difference, though, between the tenses that I see: for the present, there is hope for positive change. While the past is unchangeable, unless something like a time machine comes around. ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2014 at 04:32 PM ---------- Probably a lot of factors. But one huge, real world factor that I keep coming back to: cash flow issues. As I whined, er, said in another thread:
I'm sure there are, but there's a lot to be said for pizza and a movie (though I might spring for a salad--just sayin'). :icon_bigg
ok, couple of things to think about.... seems like you're letting the past define your present and you're assuming the future will be a static version of the present. let's break that down. you have issues from the past. everyone does. the past is how you got to where you are today and that past does not change. however the present is defined by you. by what you decide to do today. the past does not limit your ability to put yourself out there to meet someone, your choices today do that. as to the finances of dating, its not about spending money on someone, its about spending time getting to know them and integrating each other into your lives together. that does.t take money, and is argue money just clouds the issues that should be focused on instead. just something to think about...
Amen, GayDad. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anything less important than financial status. Give me a guy with a brain, empathy, and interesting things to talk about, and I'm halfway there.
As Richie posted in a different thread earlier, live in the past and you'll be depressed; live in the future and you'll be anxious; live in the here and now and you'll find peace. Today is called "the present" because it's a gift. People can form the most unlikely, unexpected and surprising bonds, and being able to match one another financially is never, ever the glue that holds them together. One of my dearest friends is in her 70's, old enough to be my mother, and comes from a very different background than I do. We were thrown together 8 or 10 years ago and became amazing friends almost immediately. She's a physical wreck and has a ton more money than I do, but so help me God, I love her enough that if she were a single gay man instead of a married woman, I'd seriously consider being with her for the remainder of her life. Live in the beauty of today (he says, while looking out the window and another round of snow and crappy Wisconsin winter weather!), and keep your mind and heart open to the people around you. It was what it was, it is what it is--and it can be whatever it can be!
