I am sure of my own sexuality. But I still get irritated when other lesbians say "I never thought she was anything but straight" when they find out I'm gay. My girlfriend told a friend of hers about us / about me today. I knew this woman a tiny bit at my old job, though we worked in different departments. I know that having a child and being openly / recently divorced from a man makes me appear "straighter" but in addition to that I don't fit lesbian stereotypes on first glance either. I didn't come out until last year. But still, who is she to ask my girlfriend if she's "sure" I'm really gay? I just get really frustrated. My girlfriend's ex has suggested to people, including my gf's friend that I am "just someone who thinks she might be gay." I know I don't have to prove anything to anyone but I HATE this whole "not gay enough" BS. ---------- Post added 19th Feb 2014 at 03:30 PM ---------- People who actually know me are less surprised.
That sounds very horrible! Especially when you have come through your own coming out and acceptance. I imagine that is still a little raw for you which may be where the frustration is coming from. I haven't come out to very many people and those I told weren't surprised. I am sorry that you have to deal with that and hope that I won't have to in the future. It sounds like those people are experiencing denial themselves and have some biases about what a lesbian should look and act like.
I think it really strikes a nerve with me because I did try to come out 20 years ago. And I let the bad reaction of others convince me that I was bi and that I could marry a man. "Fake it until you make it." My family thought I was really straight and said if I was gay, that I should move far away and not come back. At the same time, when I went to lgbt youth meetings and gay clubs, they were like, "you don't play softball? You wear skirts? Are you sure you're gay?" Even though I had relationships with women, other college girls precisely, I didn't think I was a real lesbian, whatever that meant. It took me a long time to realize I could be myself AND be gay. In fact, the only way to be fully myself is to be out. As gay. And Christian. And a mom. And a pretty darn feminine woman. I guess the difference is that now I know who I am and am confident in that. One reason I want to be as out as possible is so other young women will know they can be gay even if they're not super butchy. (Notably I find all types of women attractive. Casey Legler is gorgeous. So is Cara Delevingne.)
Don't let it bother you. After all at my work a well meaning guy told my co-worker that he supported her and liked her and she should love who she loved. She was straigher than straight! LOL When this was pointed out to him, he was like "well, I thought you were the gay one in your department and I wanted you to know I am a straight alli" so then he names every single female in my department(there are 8 of us) EXCEPT ME and asks if they are the lesbian one. She told me this and we laughed for days over it. He really is a nice kid, I even went up to him later and said "psss, I'm the lesbian" and he was like "no way!" then he was really, really embarassed about it.
HopeFloats, I've gotten that from a few family members but I assure them that I am who I am and always have been. It is frustrating, especially when I've looked the lesbian most of my life and have shied away from relationships of any kind (except for two disastrous marriages). I do not question myself. I guess I shouldn't let it bother me if others question me.
It's really hard feeling like you have to "prove" your sexuality to your partner. As a bisexual, I've had to do this with both male and female partners in the past. And in a way it's a self-fulfilling prophecy because it's really hard for shy people like me to enjoy sex when I'm nervous, and nothing makes me more nervous than feeling my partner is somehow scoring my performance or reading into every little gesture for some sign that I'm not 100% into it. It's sad. Sorry you're having to go through this with the very people you're supposed to rely on for support! My above statement was a bit off topic, I guess. You're talking about stereotypes in a more social setting...which is a totally different matter. Sorry I kind of have my own agenda here. But yes, it's very difficult not fitting into the presumed behaviors and physical presentations that people expect to match your orientation. Above all, just be yourself without compromise!
This is one of my fears :icon_sad: ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2014 at 06:54 PM ---------- Hopefloats...I wouldn't worry too much about the crap that others spew...many hugs to you
