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I'm Out! - Wife now accepted me as Gay, not Bi

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by bottomsup, Feb 19, 2014.

  1. bottomsup

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    Hi Everyone, /waves, /shy look in eye/head turns and a wry smile is displayed
    Just have had deep chat with wife, (told here two and a half years ago I think im gay), but have always been although convinced myself, not 110%, certainly not enough to tell kids etc, and she was always saying I am Bi, and not gay.
    Tonight (3am here) she managed to get me to open further to the next step, and for her to accept me as gay, not bisexual - which is a big step. (sounds small typing it, but major major, shaking tears the works) - but this is it.
    Our youngest is only 18mths old, so bit of a turmulos last few years (well, whole life for me)
    She held the light of acceptance to me, and has helped me to accept myself fully 100%. my whole life, wow, bammo, omg!! yeeessss!!!!! /jumps round room hopping and skipping gaily/
    I have now (thank goodness) accepted everything, all the details of my life laid in front of me, to analyze and check, wow. released from so much turmoil for my whole life until now..
    I love her amazing soul and light, not as a woman, as a soul, a person, a being and we love each other.
    I am 100% gay and am happy and confident and at peace.
    Next steps.. well, lets see. wont hurry it, but I can with this new found peace I can face my kids (eldest 17) and be open honest, understanding, caring, - I can do it as I'm at peace, I'm there.
    I can have a boyfriend, I can let myself do this - tomorrow is going to be great!!!
    I don't need to showoff at work - will see what the day brings.)

    The future is yours to hold -
    Take courage, be confident, play with honour.
     
  2. Andrew99

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    That's awesome and even though as u said it doesn't sound like a big step in writing it is a big step with accepting yourself as who u r and coming fully out of the closet. Congratulations. (*hug*)
     
  3. setnyx

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    that is great strides and i'm very happy for you. to love someone's soul... your wife sounds amazing.
     
  4. Richie.

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    I hope it continuous to be a bump less smooth journey!! Great news!!
     
  5. bottomsup

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    Thanks everyone, today, the best day of my life so far today, cool , calm and collected, a total transformation.
    Naturally wife has some concerns, but I think we will be ok. Its early days yet, but she now accepts me as gay, whereas before she was hoping just bi. She is coming to terms with it all now.
    I knew i was gay, but was still constantly questioning myself, there's a lot riding on me (he he) , and i am the sole provider for a family of six.
    Hardest of all will be telling my eldest son, (17), but.it.will prob be a lot easier.than.i.make out, and he.is steady.
    Now i.am totally at ease with myself, and she knows the score, we can move forward.
    So so happy, so so proud:slight_smile:
     
  6. bottomsup

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    This is so hard, I love her, her soul, but im gay, we have managed to find a balance in sex, we never have vaginal intercourse for example, but it still confuses the hell out of me.
    The kids are so young, she needs me to be there, .. Also she is finding it hard to consider letting me go for real, ok i might be able to have an affair, but its going to be sooo hard to make it all work and keep everyone happy etc...
    Feeling.better after typing this post, but it sends me into turmoil, im gay i know ot, all i want is a partner, a male lover, not just for sex, for everything....
    she.can cope with the idea its for sex , but not anything else.
    She will not be able to let me go, and it will get nasty.
    Not going.back into hiding, just have to face it and move forward.
     
  7. Richie.

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    Yes I get that!! I'm totally the same, sometimes though you have to be cruel to be kind...

    I understand your kids are young mine are too, it's hard.. Have you thought about going to couples counselling?
     
  8. bottomsup

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    Hi Richie, glad someone is in the same boat as me, hey can you chuck us a padddle?
    This is so hard, work is suffering, can't do jack.
    To many tears, and gutwrentching heard breaking pain.
    a few things I tell myself to keep me going....
    Lets paddle this ocean together, were a bunch of semen anyhow! Lol.


    Dry your tears, and face your fears.
    Be TRUE, be TRUE, be strong, be you
    Be yourself, be yourself
    Be strong be strong
    Fear is the mind killer
    It will be ok.


    I want some.tattoos to help me express myself, a tastefull gaystar on my neck I would like.. Will have to see.

    Be strong, be proud be confident, we will work this out
     
  9. Richie.

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    I hear you, a tattoo would be nice actually, I plan one, but only once I've settled, so I can look back and say damn I did it!! I'm still alive..

    Throws a paddle x(&&&)
     
  10. King

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    Congratulations for telling her, and I am glad that she is taking it well.

    I hope you manage to find a way to manage your kids financially and not cause too much distress while enjoying your life and sexuality.
     
  11. skiff

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    Hi,

    My only advice...

    Tattoos are long term and society is a snake.

    Never give a snake an easy target.

    Know when to be sly and when to be simple for society can be brutal and backsliding.

    Tom
     
  12. bottomsup

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    Thanks for the advice and words all:slight_smile:

    I came out to her two and a half years ago, its taken till now for her to accept, and now I can accept properly also. (holding back untill she ready)

    Oh, wheni came out to her, she was two months pregnant, and we had only been married for four..
    So could.not push it, lest the damage be to great.
    Darent see anyone about it, as they will say that I need to leave, and she needs to.move on.

    ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2014 at 05:18 AM ----------

    Apart from work, im ready to defy society, im strong.
    But yes, it would cause issues having tatto on dispay, but I feel like im denying myself if get a tatto and its "hidden" even though sensible. I have had enough of letting society and other peoples opinions dictate my life, Boyle its time for my way, my way my way.
    Thinking a nice rainbow star, or feather on neck, but in such a way that a collar would at least partially obscure it...

    ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2014 at 05:19 AM ----------

    Ill just pen one for now, in case its a mistake and gets me fired!

    ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2014 at 05:19 AM ----------

    lol, my wife is a snake!
    And im a tigger, grr

    ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2014 at 05:24 AM ----------

    I did my whole torso in "sharpie" perm marker the other day, is quite a good way to express with no self harm or hate
     
  13. bottomsup

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    Things moving fast now... Holy cow so many tears..
    Wish me luck
     
  14. Richie.

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    Yup your in for a rollercoaster ... Buckle up
     
  15. bottomsup

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    Full tilt now, soon escape velocity...
    I have to leave her sobbing in order for her to come to terms, she is totally addicted to me, this is hard.
    "
    Tough, tough, it tougher than tough, its worse than Benny hill, and he's bad enough"

    Springs to mind .

    Its hard not to allow myself to be there for her, the kids are young, we only have one car, and live in the sticks.
    Will scrap my beloved Bedford tk this week I think, and ill get her a car sorted, and do everything to support her in every way other than emotionally and sexually.
    She is in totall pieces, she has loved be since she was 17, and is now 37, even though we only been together first for a couple of months, when I was 21 and she 17, and then the last 8 years..
    She must have known about me really....
    Tough process for her, big life changer..
    Im cool and stable right now, will have to save my tears and breakdown for another time..
    Have to keep things in order for the 3 kids in the house.
    And pick up my 17 year old son tomorrow also, well perhaps ill just go see him rather than have him here for now, not seen him a few weeks already as of all this....

    Be strong, be strong, be real.
     
  16. bottomsup

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    Acceptance, and a new dawn for us all here:slight_smile:
     
  17. bottomsup

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    He's telling my 17 year old, but really good to give him the info, and some background to my life to try to put context as to how i came to not be able to see it, or accept myself.
    Really good to be able to tell him not to bottle things up and everything.
    Wife and i both coming to terms with the end of our marrige, and all that it means.
    For now i am in the spare room, with option of a caravan a few miles away.
    I have to scrap truck and other hobby vehicles tomorrow and get cars sorted, and start emptying our house.
    I need to get her up on her own feet, which is happening, last few days have been hard, mental breakdown stuff, bit getting over the worst of the wobbles, and think we will be able to do this without me loosing my marbles....
    A 40 year old virgin with issues is what i now am!!
    trying not to think ahead,, or to talk to those i wish to love as a gay man, need to take it in small steps, this weekend coming up we will have a small house and garden party, will be a goodby party, expect very emotional.
    Not sure if i can face work this week - is it better to push myself and do it, or to rest.She is going away for a few days with the kids, so i will have breathing time.then.
     
  18. bottomsup

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    Hi all.
    Little update.
    Were pretty much ok now, we did a "taking the rings off" ceromony, and have removed the wedding reinga and put back into the box. The first time I took it off since the putting on ceremony nearly 8 years ago now.
    Some pain, but no hits, and no anger. We love each othe R unconditionally, and our lives together have been great, and worth every minute.
    Now I need a flat or house to live in! Have like two days to find one... And no money till end of month...
    Dread to think of the financial cost, but that is nothing to have peace within myself.
    Bloody amazing road trip this has been!
    :slight_smile:
     
  19. bottomsup

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    Ill be out by the end of the week I aim, she going away with the kids for a few days, ill either go to work as normal, or stay here and sort out all the millions of things that need packing and throwing, ally crap basically.
    This is amazing.
     
  20. greatwhale

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    Hey bottomsup,

    I wish you all the best on this radical but necessary step! The freedom might give you a little vertigo, but don't fret, use every minute of it!