How did you know???

Why label yourself???? In my high school years and early college years I was in a very loving relationship with a guy. He was my high school sweetheart yet my high school "sweethurt"! I knew all my younger years I was attracted to girls but I did the "right" thing and got involved with a guy. Was it so right? No! It was so wrong that I felt that I robbed myself of loving a girl/woman whom I was attracted to. It wasn't until early college years that I called off the engagement to my boyfriend to seek my love for a girl. It felt so wrong but felt so right if you know what I mean.

It was scary back then (1994) to leave a heterosexual lifestyle for a lesbian lifestyle but ladies let me tell you it was the best thing I ever did in my life. I have been with my beautiful partner (female) for 16 years. I wouldn't give my life up for anything. She is the most amazing individual I have ever met. (Believe it or not we met online during my college years in a chat room on AOL dial up connection. Lol.) There is hope. She was not my first lesbian relationship but she is different my first TRUE love of my life.

I always had questions about who I was but I knew back then I had to be true to myself. I could not stay in a relationship with a guy and have kids because that was the 'normal' thing to do. I knew in my heart that my feelings lead towards girls. I am so lucky to have made that move to where I am today. Living a lie will just create more depression in your life. Be true to you! You owe it to yourself to be free. It's a refreshing feeling!

 

I'm actually really curious if it is ever just a phase for anyone. I lied to myself that it had just been a phase in my teens and early 20s. I actually told a friend who said she always wanted to hook up with a girl that she'd missed her chance with me because that "phase" of my life was over. I'd slammed the closet door tight at 28. That conversation was one of the last where I even acknowledged my experiences with and attraction to women - I lied for about it through silence for 10 long years. During that time I married a man - who never knew I'd been with women or previously identified as bisexual. I stopped because I was a coward, was becoming a lawyer in the south, and badly wanted a "traditional" family.
Of course, I was miserable.
Now I can see that I was gay all along. It was not a phase. For me.

 

I've talked to other L and G people, who tell me that the way they "knew," even after some of them had been married to an opposite-sex partner for many years, was because what they had experienced as "love" with their heterosexual partners felt smaller than what they felt for someone of the same sex. They could feel love to a certain extent for their heterosexual, "safer," "good guy," but they couldn't truly give all of themselves to them. They didn't feel like "soul mates" even when their partner may have been convinced that they were.

In my experience, I can feel these deep feelings for someone of any gender, even though I'm usually much more strongly attracted physically to women. I'm currently in a relationship with someone who has a male body, but would prefer to be a woman and may or may not transition someday.

You don't have to choose a label right away, or even at all; just see where life takes you and who you come to care for. =) It may be that you're bi, with a preference for women, or maybe you're lesbian. And if you do come to identify a specific way, it could even be that this will change over time (sexuality is often more fluid than a lot of people seem to think). But I guess all that matters in the long term is that you keep an open mind, and pay attention to how deeply you can feel for a specific individual, rather than for their gender.

I hope this helps a bit! (=

 

For me, it was my first girl-on-girl kiss that did it!!!
Yowza!

 

I think personally it has always been there for me that I am a lesbian. It's just that society norms are a powerful thing. And with the right amount of effort you can convince yourself of anything you want that badly to be true. My husband was my knight in shining armor. He swooped in and offered me stability, love, reassurance and I went with it. However, if you deny yourself of who you are, I think you're only postponing inevitable pain.

I can appreciate an attractive man, but when my friends are appreciating their men it's the pictures of half naked bodies. I prefer my men fully clothed. Penises make me uncomfortable. For lack of a better way to put it, I just find them yucky.

When I was with my therapist and actually came to the realization it was that the only time that physical intimacy has felt like anything more than a means was when I was with another woman. I had perfectly rational reasons for all of my male relationships, most of all my husband. But there was always the slight separation of heart and mind...although instead of an easy black or white, especially regarding my marriage is a lovely shade of muddled gray.

I love the products of my marriage - most of all my children. But at the same time I do wish I had listened to myself and lived for myself from the start.

 

I always assumed that my considerably greater interest in women was partly to do with fashion: women wearing different styles and most men (that I know anyway) having a similar and somewhat dull style. But since a while I started to realize this as well: my so-called crushes on men only have to do with nice faces or personalities but not their bodies. I never cared if they were very fit or slightly overweight or otherwise because I wasn't that interested in their bodies. I agree with the fully clothed bit. For me I thought it had to do with a history of abuse that made me slighty freak out whenever I see (partly) undressed men and which I also credited for generally keeping men at arms' length, physically and otherwise. This has caused me to not question my sexuality for some time, but looking back that wasn't the sole reason... I've been into women for as long as I can remember, but have not been able to admit that to myself until very recently.

 

I am currently in a long term relationship with a male, the relationship has lasted for 6 yrs. now. I know that in the past I have had the feelings that I have now, I guess I pushed them away and buried them. Now those feelings have come back and I find it to be extremely hard to be intimate with him. I do love him very much. The sexual feelings that I have lately are geared toward women and not him. I'm fantasizing about women to sexually gratify myself more often to none. I was married in the past as well. Ever since the questioning began, I have felt extremely confused, but I must admit I am feeling much better since I came on this site and began posting and blogging. If any of this helps you or makes sense...lol....

---------- Post added 21st Feb 2014 at 05:33 PM ----------

Ohh yea...sorry...hello and welcome to EC...many hugs...hehe