Okay, I just need to vent so I apologize in advance.(*hug*) Yesterday I spent a few hours on a dating site, reading profiles in the “a woman seeking a woman” section but every time it just makes me feel kind of depressed. The problem is I desire to be with a woman but I'm not able to make a step There are days when I'm okay with not acting on it but sometimes it hits me out of nowhere and I feel like exploding. The same happened to me yesterday so I went to the dating site but then I just feel completely lost and like I would be never able to do it. I've accepted my attraction to women and am comfortable with both my sexuality and gender identity still, among others, I somewhat fear what women may think about me because I'm not a “normal” woman. Well, I don't feel like a woman and I'm a genderqeer. Besides I have so many insecurities and unknowns about the gay world and dating women. For example I have no idea how to date online. What should I say about myself? That I'm rather an androgynous looking both male and female genderfluid person who tends to hide their breasts, doesn't shave their legs, from time to time feels like a guy and passes as a guy and even in mid-thirties has zero experience in the women department? I bet it's not what the women there are looking for :icon_sad: I think I'd rather meet someone in person but I live in a middle of nowhere area where is no LGBT group whatsoever. The main reason for me holding back though is my boyfriend I've been with for 13 years. I already told him I was attracted to women but that's all I've been able to tell him so far. I still care about him and he's the person who knows me best and I need him in my life but rather as a best friend. I know I don't want to live with him even if I could and if it was up to me I'd rather just cuddle than to actually have sex with him. It's not that I hate it but I've never been right in the moment and stuff. I'd rather experiment with women to be sure it's really what I want and like... I just don't want to hurt anyone in the process. I feel so trapped :bang: It's such a leap into the unknown for me. I'd like to be able to take that leap but...:bang:
Its ok to not be ready. No need to rush into things, is there? Looking -- is a really good thing. Seeing their pictures, reading profiles -- lets you know there are other people out there looking, thinking about finding someone else, and isn't that reassuring! And then there is the "eye candy" aspect -- ogling those who you'd likely never date, but sure are sweet on the eyes! Take your time. Browse online listings. Get ideas for what kind of pictures you would be comfortable posting (your face where you would be identified or maybe just a feature -- your eyes, your smile, etc). See how others describe themselves -- the words, phrases that catch your eye -- will probably get someone else's attention, too! Explore, research, and when you're ready, you'll know.
I can completely understand your feelings on feeling trapped...I am in a similar situation...been with my bf for 6 yrs. now. I really do care and love him... I have been very apprehensive about talking to other women.I happen to be femme...I am so new to this that I feel I will never meet any one...I have no experience at all with all of this...but I am taking my time and just take this new journey slow...but I will not lie and say that I am not afraid of crossing that road. I really do hope things work out for you and I wish you all the best on your journey and meeting someone great...many hugs(*hug*)
There is someone for everyone! You would be very surprised what you may find. You don't have to be the "normal" woman. Actually what is a normal woman any ways? We come in all shapes an sizes and look all different. That is the beauty of life. Finding the right lady to love will come in time. Believe in yourself that you to can have a very loving relationship with a woman. Be who you are and be true to yourself. You don't have to look a certain way to find love, love will find you when the time is right.
