How did you know for sure?

I knew for sure when I started really getting into gay romance novels and stuff like that. I'd been questioning for a few months after feeling attracted to a guy I met at the pool, but that was when I really knew "yeah, I like guys as well."

"...and I'm pretty sure emotionally but never had been with a woman how do I know if I am emotionally.I don't feel an emotional attraction"
If you say you don't feel an emotional attraction to women, then you're probably not. There's a difference between sexual and romantic attraction, and from what you've said, I'd say you're heteromantic (romantically attracted to the opposite sex) and maybe bisexual. Unless you really start to feel a definite, strong emotional attraction to women, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

 

well, I first came out to myself when I was like 14, so three years ago. But, I didn't really ACCEPT it until I was 16 and I started watching gay romance movies and looking into LGBT advocacy and stuff, like a year ago. But I had lots of doubts about whether or not I was fully gay or bisexual, but mainly gay.

All in all, I went for gay. Then one of my female friends said she had strong feelings for me, and I felt bad, blah blah, long story short, I dated her for a few months. THIS is how I knew. She is a REALLY great girl, great friend, great everything. But, all I could think about was how I was gonna get out of this relationship.

I eventually did of course. And that's how I knew. I knew if I couldn't go straight for a girl as great as her, there's no way there's any hetero in me.

 

Its hard to figure out sometimes thats for sure. I have been married 3 times but still was always attracted to women and even slept with a couple during my marriage. Finally an affair with a woman cause me to rethink what I really wanted...and that was to be with a woman. It takes time...I am in my early 50s and am just now figuring out that I want to be with a woman. I am certainly not advocating cheating....cheating is cheating no matter what I have learned that for sure. Have you told your partner how you feel?

 

Well, it was pretty clear for me because outside of my wife, I had no real sexual interest of any kind in the women I dated before her, and had no real feelings of loss when I broke up with them, even after dating for a long time. Whereas I had crushes on a couple of guys, and when they ended up out of my life (a high school friend who left the state; a college friend who didn't stay close after graduation), I felt a very profound sense of loss, even though we were never actually in a real relationship. I DID have very strong and complicated feelings for my wife, for a variety of reasons, still do, but the feeling of emotional disconnect with her started very early and has never gone away. There are many things about her as a person that I like, many that I find very frustrating, but there is no emotional bond of love or partnership that I would expect there to be after 20 years together. I see the relationship she has with some of her closest friends and think, THAT is how I would like us to be, and the expectations that being her husband carries always have gotten in the way of that, rather than making it better--which is what I think WOULD have happened if I were straight.

 

This girl that I had been in love with when I was 14 (which I've only realized a few weeks ago) died the next year and I was devastated. At the time I thought it was because someone of my age had died so young but my grief was far deeper than it should have been for someone I hardly knew. It hurt so much because I had had an enormous crush on her.

 

For me, emotional attraction takes a lot longer than physical. I can know I'm physically attracted to someone on sight or with a casual touch but emotional connections require me to actually know a person, their likes and dislikes, what makes them laugh, and all those fun emotional triggers. It could be that you haven't felt an emotional connection with a woman because you haven't connected with someone yet.

Are you satisfied in your current relationship? Are you contemplating leaving? If you're satisfied I would just chalk this up to being open minded and something to explore if your current relationship status changes. If you feel like something is missing and you think it is something that can only be fulfilled with a woman then you may have to make some tough decisions on whether to continue on as is or to take a chance on something you're not sure is there.

 

I can fully relate to this... I was completely none accepting of myself as being gay. I tried everything I could think of to push my attractions I had for women far away. It apparently didn't work. I have been in a hetero relationship for at least 6 yrs. now, I am still working on telling him about me, because I so don't want to hurt him, because he has been so great to me. I do know eventually I will have to tell him. I brought it up in conversations but kind of under the radar. Funniest thing is now that I have fully accepted that I am actually gay, although I have yet to be with a woman in any form; emotionally, physically, sexually, whatever...I know that I am attracted to women and I love it. My full acceptance of me was just a feeling that came over me one morning and I was able to just accept it, I can't explain the feeling. I can say that I do feel so much relief and freedom to just be me; although I have not changed physically or anything like that, its just a change in my inner-self. I am quite happy I finally stopped lying to myself.

I know that this thread is a few months old, but if you are still feeling this way the only advise I can give you is, don't try to rush things, take your time in figuring you out. Only you will know when your moment that you can fully accept yourself will be. It's just something that will happen. I wish you all the best on your self discovery journey...many hugs. (*hug*)

 

I got that feeling when I knew I wanted to be with a guy and it wasn't just because of his equipment - being drawn by interests, personality, etc.

 

I knew for sure when I developed a crush. It came out of the blue and then I started entertaining the idea of possibly dating a woman. I was in my 20s.