I'm not happy living with this stranger, it's his home, and I don't feel truelly at home being here.. So I haven't officially spoke with my wife yet but I plan on proposing I move back in, save up a little money for a deposit and furnishing etc, and then, in maybe six months time move out into a new place.. I think we need to put down some ground rules, Obviously no sleeping in the same bed. No invading each other's private space, allowing me and her to pursue new friends, and not arguing about it... I'm scared of telling my landlord I'm leaving, but it's got to be done... I'm not happy... I feel in limbo... I can't live here another month. Just need to get it concrete with the missus..
It sounds like it could work if she's open to it. Try to be realistic about this, Richie. It might not sound as positive to her as it does to you. Like you said, make sure you set the ground rules VERY clearly before you tell your landlord anything, and if it happens, stick to them 100% to the letter. This needs to be something that benefits both of you, not just something that makes you feel better. I probably don't have to tell you that, but I know how bad you've been feeling, and just want to make sure you stay realistic.... John
Richie, could you share a little more about what exactly troubles you with your current rooming situation? You said you're uncomfortable and don't feel at home, but if you're living as a guest in your former home won't that be uncomfortable too? Especially if you have to (and really must if it is going to work) set ground rules with your wife on how you'll function separately and share space. On the surface, it sounds like it could possibly work if you both agree and stick to ground rules, but I wonder if you really dig into what it is about living where you are now would the same problem exist back in your former home? -Rich
Richie, I think this is the toughest issue. It's one thing for your wife to know you're gay, but it may be quite another for her to see you starting to live your new life while you live together. I'm trying to do the same as you, but I know that, every time I leave to meet new friends, or go to a support meeting, her pain and sense of loss/abandonment increases. I mean, go for it, but keep in mind that this may be too much for her, and that you might have to stay where you are for a while. But whatever happens, we're all here for you. Whenever it gets to be too much for you, remember EC. Send out a few messages, start a one-on-one conversation. You. Are. Not. Alone. (*hug*) Or better yet: (&&&)
Richie - I am currently living at home with my wife. Apart from sharing the kitchen and access to the children, we've essentially divided the house. I can assure you living like this is no picnic. There are warmer SubZero's. My wife has asked me to leave by the beginning of April. I do have a roomate lined up. Why has she asked my to leave? Simply put, it's because I'm "moving on with my life." This consists of my having joined the local gay men's chorus. There have been no "overnights" or any other sexual activity, including just dating (do we do that or call it that). There has been coffee after chorus and an evening of chili and games with some members of the chorus, most of whom are married or partnered. Before you make the move back home be very, very sure both you and your wife can handle it. Mine right now would tell me I made this bed and now I can lie in it. Roommate situations aren't easy, but I'd need to know more of why it's not working for you to advise you. It's not home and can't be home yet, anymore than your own flat would be after a few weeks. Does it just need time? It's been awhile since you live with anyone else or on your own. If you want to chat feel free to post on my wall. Living at home is not perhaps the best solution. (*hug*)
You need your own space and she hers, I would try to avoid going back, unless you are, ok for a few nights, but every day hard on you both I would say. Tricky situation.. As it always seems to be. Im in limbo also myself, now have no home anywhere atm, she away a few days so using house right now, but after that its the back of the var, and friends sofas till I get sorted, which will have to wait for her to get social security to pay the rent, as can't afford two homes... We dont make it easy do we?:bang:
Hmmmm... Just met my roommate/landlord/home-owner for the second time today. Seems like a nice guy but he is very different from me. I want a stable relationship, he wants stable sex with 20 year olds. But he simply rents me a room. House rules... No overnight guests. I like it. As if I have a guy waiting for afternoon delight. LOL But in the end this is transition not my life. I can do this. Can you view it as "transition"? Tom
Well the only advice I could give here would be to look at it from her perspective. For example, what does she get out of this deal?
Hi guys, this is a good move, it means we can save for a second home then the kids can have two homes and be welcome by us both.. Me and missus are getting on really well, boundaries have been set, and I have looked at it from her side, but this is not about either of us really it's about being happy for our children. We are thinking predominantly about the children. I know this seems like a step back but it's not, it's a step forward.. I gave her some time she is a lot more stable than she was six weeks ago.. Onwards and upwards.. ---------- Post added 25th Feb 2014 at 11:46 AM ---------- We are soulmates
As long as you and her are both on board with what your status is and what your goals are for the future, I applaud you both for putting the kids interests first. Obviously things may change down the road so that you'll reevaluate your arrangement, but for now you're in a good place in your heart and mind and that's good for both you and your kids. As long as you are at peace with yourself, that's what gets you through to the next day. Take care, Richie! (*hug*)
Hey guys and gals.. So finally things are where I hoped they would be... My wife has secured a new property, she moves in to her new home on the 29th.. I don't know if this is normal for everyone else, but me and my missus are still rock solid, she has taken this better than I ever thought, sure it's been an emotional roller-coaster, but we both know where we want to be, and that's solid for the children.. I will miss my wife but I know it's for the best she needs to move on and so do I, and she is only a few minutes away ... I think were gonna be best friends eventually..
Richie, it sounds like you and your wife have a really good relationship. So pleased things are working out for you. X
