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So, feeling sad...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by StillAround, Feb 24, 2014.

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  1. StillAround

    StillAround
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    I'm in one of those in-between places right now. I'm out to almost all the people that matter. My two young friends (24 and 21, and in love with each other) will be together this weekend for the first time in over a month, and I hope to see them together and come out to them at the same time.

    They must already know--I've certainly left a trail of clues on FB and in conversation, but I so love them for giving me the space I needed before taking the leap.

    I've researched support groups in two nearby cities, and joined two of them, but I've yet to go to a meeting/activity. I want to, and I'm ready to. But I've been using the excuse that I want to tell my young friends first. It's just an excuse, I know, which is why I just changed my mood to "Sad."

    My real problem is the pain I know I'lll cause my wife when I disappear for an entire evening--one support group meets from 7:30-9:00 PM in a city an hour and a half away, so I'd be gone for at least 5 hours, more if I go out for a drink after. And that's tough for me to handle right now. So I'm sad.

    I know I'll step out in my search for community. As so many say here, the only way is forward. And I'm not afraid to do it--far from it. I'm just---sad.

    Just needed to say that. Thanks for listening. I could use a group hug...

    :icon_redf
     
    #1 StillAround, Feb 24, 2014
  2. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
     
    #2 Rose27, Feb 24, 2014
  3. greatwhale

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    Not easy, I know

    Per your request: (&&&)
     
    #3 greatwhale, Feb 24, 2014
  4. Choirboy

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    Any time.... (&&&)

    We all know our progress is a good thing in the long run, but it's hard to get past the feeling that what we're doing has the potential to hurt people we love. I keep trying to remind myself that someone who really loves me would not want me to make them happy by making myself miserable. And what has a life in the closet done, but make me miserable?

    I know that I would be (and have been) devastated at being told that "I gave up this and this and this, all these chances to feel fulfilled and happy as a person, so you would be happy".

    We have to trust that the people we love, love us enough to allow us to be who we are.
     
    #4 Choirboy, Feb 24, 2014
  5. biAnnika

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    Hey...um...I trust you don't mean you'll *disappear* to go to these meetings, right? I mean, she realizes *why* you're going and that it will help you? And maybe you can help *her* find support for a straight spouse? Even (maybe especially) if it's somewhere local...and preferably for that same night? I don't think this absolutely has to be any more painful for her than just learning your orientation has been for her.

    (&&&)
     
    #5 biAnnika, Feb 24, 2014
  6. GayDadStr8Marig

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    Ed, you've been such a huge support for me since I first joined... you get as many hugs as you can stand.
    (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
     
    #6 GayDadStr8Marig, Feb 24, 2014
  7. StillAround

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    Annika,

    No, I won't *disappear*. I promised her there'd be no more secrets. I will always tell her where I'm going and why. And she does know that it will help me. But I know how hard it will be for her, sitting alone of an evening.

    I wish I could find some support for her... She's finally seeing a therapist with whom she's being open and honest. She knows I didn't cause her depression and that I can't fix it. I've pointed her to the Straight Spouses Network, and they have a reasonably local contact person that she can talk to, at least by phone. But she hasn't done so yet. I've also come out to a couple we see together, and the wife of the couple would be happy to just listen to her, so she can vent if she needs to.

    I'm finding some more support groups to try to hook her up to, but she's so cut off from the world that it may take a crisis to get her to go to one.

    Anyway, I just needed to vent here for a few... Thanks for listening. (*hug*)
     
    #7 StillAround, Feb 24, 2014
  8. skiff

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    [​IMG]
     
    #8 skiff, Feb 24, 2014
  9. BMC77

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    (&&&)
     
    #9 BMC77, Feb 24, 2014
  10. Andrew99

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    All in this together. (&&&)
     
    #10 Andrew99, Feb 24, 2014
  11. StillAround

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    Oh Sup,

    You make me cry, and I mean that in a good way. You remind me how much I loved teaching! It was never just about math; it was always about the kids...

    You give me hope!

    (*hug*)
     
    #11 StillAround, Feb 24, 2014
  12. Andrew99

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    Aww (*hug*) well of course still around you're one of my best friends on EC :kiss:
     
    #12 Andrew99, Feb 24, 2014
  13. Treasury

    Treasury
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    (&&&)You can do it. Take good care of yourself(&&&)
     
    #13 Treasury, Feb 24, 2014
  14. Andrew99

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    Hey bud how ya doin?
     
    #14 Andrew99, Feb 25, 2014
  15. StillAround

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    Not so good right now, kiddo. But just you asking brightens my day.

    /Ed. (*hug*)
     
    #15 StillAround, Feb 25, 2014
  16. Andrew99

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    Aww I'm sorry (*hug*) don't worry it'll get better within a year you'll probably have the world on your side :slight_smile:
     
    #16 Andrew99, Feb 25, 2014
  17. Andrew99

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    Hi still around :smilewave how was your day today
     
    #17 Andrew99, Feb 26, 2014
  18. StillAround

    StillAround
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    See your wall.
     
    #18 StillAround, Feb 26, 2014
  19. setnyx

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    maybe she would be able to find some help and insight here on EC. dang it1 now where are the emoticons. well anyway i'm not a hugger but...hugs to you.
     
    #19 setnyx, Feb 26, 2014
  20. tscott

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    How about a real bear hug? (&&&)
     
    #20 tscott, Feb 26, 2014
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