...lately I've been really up on bisexual visibility and stuff, very defensive...and I'm kind of afraid that I'm so aggressive because I'm a lot more gay than I want to accept. I love my husband deeply and even though there is a huge age gap between us we get along great. He's my best friend. That said... lately I've been getting really tearful over my first girlfriend. And I've been listening to the music I listened to when I was a teenager, and thinking back over all the relationships I screwed up, and wondering who I would have become had I been more mentally healthy and comfortable with my own body. I don't regret the path I've taken. My husband and I don't have regular sex, so I'm not having the same problems in this relationship that I have in the past. Normally with guys I don't really enjoy sex and get bored/sad the longer the relationship goes on, until I don't want sex at all and end up cheating with girls. I don't want to cheat this time. Does it ever get any easier?
Oh my, I'm sorry to hear you are hurting. I understand how you feel about listening to the music that reminds you of being a teen. I also miss my ex best friend and listen to the music that reminds me of her frequently. I'm a bit opposite though as I tend to get bored in relationships with women and go back to men. How do you feel when you and your husband are connecting - Do you feel like you want sex? I find that when my husband is distant or not around I start thinking about women again (more emotionally).
Does it ever get easier to be with just one sex, when you're bisexual? (Or to be with the sex you're not attracted to if you're homosexual...or straight for that matter?) I gotta say it flat out, hon. Not in my experience, or in the experience of anyone I've ever spoken to or heard about. But in the words of Richie's signature, when the pain of doing nothing exceeds the fear of change you will act. And in that sense, *life* does get better, easier, pleasant enough to bask in, in fact! Don't cheat. Cheating does harm to both of you. But be honest...completely honest. Communicate. Share. Make sure your husband understands exactly who you are and what you want/need. As long as anything that follows is agreeable to both of you, it's not cheating. ---------- Post added 25th Feb 2014 at 01:19 AM ---------- In the meantime...we're here for you, dear. Lean on us as much as you need to. *hugs*
Thank you so much. I don't want to confirm the stereotype of bisexuals that I've been fighting for so long--that we can't live with just one person, that we're greedy. I hate cheating. Doesn't mean I haven't done it. It's brought me nothing but pain and I'm trying to repay my karmic debt by being the best partner now that I can be. I used to get with partners who were also cheaters, and somehow that made me feel justified--now I see I was doing that on purpose. Had a long talk with my husband after I posted here. Lots of tears and some much-needed laughter and I think we're going to be ok. He just has to accept that occasionally I'll get all weepy and self-indulgent for a bit and then I'll eventually come out of it. We talked about having a boys' night together, which I know is supposed to offend me as a feminist but in a way it would be a great comfort to drink a beer and check out girls at the bar (no flirting, no being a jerk, just looking) like we're both still teenagers. I know it sounds awful, but I think it's a good compromise maybe. ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2014 at 11:08 PM ---------- ...and to answer your question, browneyedgirl, I actually miss girls most when my husband and I are most connected emotionally. I don't understand why that is. I'm beginning to think that maybe I have problems with true intimacy, that I have to compartmentalize love and sexuality or I get too vulnerable. I have only really let myself be vulnerable to one woman in my life, emotionally, and she broke my heart. So since then it's always been disconnected...not that I didn't feel tenderness or affection for the women I've been with, just that I always kept my heart well-protected. Now being so open with my husband I feel like I could love a woman in a more complete way and I'm regretting having fallen on the side of the fence I've fallen on. BUT I do plan to stay here. Because he's the most open-minded and thoughtful and tender person I've ever met. I'm lucky.
