Hello All, Well... When it comes to my family the closet was inevitable when I was younger. Hindsight is 20/20... As many of you know I came out to my siblings last year, planned to return to the US and before doing so asked siblings if they could put me up till I settled back into the US. My brother agreed he could. Once in his home he asked me to leave after a short period, still unemployed and with no place to go. He said his wife wanted her privacy back, but I know she is upset that I know gay people and those gay people know her address which is where I live. I was told by her I was not allowed to have friends come to the house after my friends started picking me up I in front of the home. Fast forward... Two days till I rent a room and I am out of here... Ugh! My brother is downstairs now watching the news and angrily complaining in a loud voice to his wife about a news story. Evidently a judge is forcing a baker to make wedding cakes for gay couples or be sent to prison. The baker had claimed that making a wedding cake for gays was like him participating and supporting the marriage and that was against his Christian beliefs. Sure and Exxon oil is supporting gay lifestyle by selling gays fuel. Stupid! I am not sure who the bigger idiot is, the baker or my brother. Yeah, he did this knowing full well I could hear him. My fears of youth were correct. A gay hostile, destructive family built my closet, I was stupid enough to step into it. But it was not imaginary, it was there. The proof is in the pudding. If your instincts of youth, when you were literally physically vulnerable, told you to "beware" your family don't rely on those people today when you come out. Be sure your plans are self sufficiency as your instincts of youth are most likely correct. Family cannot be trusted with your well being. At least mine can't. Two more days... Later, Tim
Skiff- (*hug*) The closets built for us by family/ others are so deep and filled with pain, guilt, fear and shame its so hard to break free of them. Mine was extra thickly enforced with fear. It was made clear to me that being a lesbian was bad. Unacceptable. Not allowed. I'm sorry your hurting, Skiff. It sucks that your brother is not being supportive. A sibling's love should be unconditional.
Hi, My brother is a victim of his wife. His motto "happy wife, happy life". She directs his life and she is an @SS! I feel sorry for them both going through life stone stupid. Tom
Hang in on there, buddy. At least you had the balls to tell your brother who you really are while I am still here, cowering at the thought of coming out to my brothers and sisters and then be an outsider to them for the rest of my life. Props up to you!
Tim, sorry to hear that you're going through that. I suspect that how most of my family will react. I hate to say it, but screw them. I didn't hate it so bad after all! Dean
I wouldn't worry too much about family. It's just not possible to build a relationship if the other person doesn't want or care about it, them being related to you literally makes no difference.
Pluvia, you're absolutely right. Blood relations do not automatically make a family. People who care about you and whom you care about... that's what is a family. So, Tom, yeah we're your gay family. I'm your gay brother and you are mine... I always wanted a big brother to talk to and share things with, now I do. (*hug*) It really is hard to believe we've only met online a few weeks ago; it feels like I've known you forever (in a really awesomely good way! )
Hi, Community and family are great things. People who understand because they have lived it too are invaluable. It is funny how parallel some lives are. For years you believe you are unique, being the sole person in history to make a stupid mistake, only to learn you are not alone, but part of a community. We are no longer facing a rejecting society alone. My life's goal is to find a partner and share this journey. I have to focus on that and forget the crap I am passing through. Tom
Tom - One of the things my father always said was, "I have better friends than I have brothers." From what I saw he was right. I know I'm an only, but I have experienced more care and love from people here than I ever felt with many of my cousins or in-laws...and I like them. Know that your family here loves you and wishes nothing, but the best for you.
Tom this is really horrid. I am sorry you are being treated this way. I am glad you recognise the situation for what it is and that you are not letting it effect how you see yourself. although its not easy you are moving forward, being honest with yourself and showing great resilience. I have no doubt in a very short time things will be brighter. Hang in there, things are changing.
I like that your damn right our closets are built by those closest to us.. Probably why I resent my family so much!!! Skiff your wise, you know yourself, you have our support! Peace brother!
Yup, When you realize society built your closet and society is freaking dysfunctional on many, many levels it is easy to step out of their damn closet. Even the "lock" of shame is an illusion. Slight of hand. Misdirection. Many cannot get past the illusion. We are free. Society is trapped. Tom ---------- Post added 28th Feb 2014 at 05:45 AM ---------- What is it the say about Aspergers; ---------- Post added 28th Feb 2014 at 05:52 AM ---------- What is it they say about Aspergers... Why do you think gays are the powerhouse of creativity? We recognize society is f@cked up which frees us... "an ability to turn away from the everyday world (social stupidity), from the simply practical (rigid dysfunctional consensus) and to rethink a subject with originality" That is my take on it. Stepping out of society, out of its closet is truly liberating, way beyond simple sexuality. Tom
I agree skiff. Once you realise you're only in the closet because society "expects" you to be, and not because you actually want to, it gain a new perspective on the world.
Once I accepted who I was and found acceptance from other people, I didn't have any problem in walking away from those who hated me for being gay. When I realised they hated me, I had no reason to feel any further connection to them or their stupid, narrow minded opinions. We waste too many years being in the closet and it really causes great damage. Once we accept ourselves and realise how much emotional energy we've exhausted by worrying and being afraid, it can put us in a much stronger position and give us the inner resolve to walk away and turn our back on idiots (family or not). I've found greater love and support from other LGBT people than some family members and so called friends who turned their backs on me. The gains far outweigh what I've lost and I'm a more confident and emotionally stronger person as a result.
