Hi! I am a man in his 30s, and as most people in my Indonesia, I was raised in a religious background (in my case, Islam). I have accepted that I am gay and I am fine with it. I have the chance to work in a neighboring country (Malaysia) and decided to be out in my new office. Had a really difficult time convincing my coworkers, one of them was even so angry at me because she thought I was lying. It's not because I am such a big butch, I am not. They just had this idea that all gay men are limp-wristed and well-dressed, and I am neither hahaha... So yeah, I say I am doing moderately well in the coming out department. The thing is, I don't know where my place is in LGBT society. I have been single for 3 years after a 7 year's worth of relationship and find it very hard to find a new one. I don't like going out to drink and party. I tried online dating, but most people just want sex from me and I find it appalling. Yes, I don't really fancy sex that much. It's one of the reasons why my boyfriend of 7 years dumped me even though we care a great deal about each other. I find sex to be a chore and I ended up leaving my ex boyfriend to be so depressed. I am sure that I am not the only one in the world who feels this way, right? I am extremely worried about my future. Who'd want a 34 year old man who only want to hold hands and cuddle in bed? :lol: Suggestions? :help:
Hey, congratulations for coming out like that! It's awesome that your coworkers seem to be accepting, even if they didn't believe you at first. Hooray for breaking the stereotypes! ^.^ (!) I don't know all that much about meeting other gay people, except that I'm lucky to be in university right now, so there is an LGBTA club that organizes events. Maybe look around in your area for something similar, so you don't have to go out and party to meet people? And don't worry. When you do eventually meet someone who cares about you, it shouldn't be a big deal if you don't want sex right away, or even very much often later on. A healthy relationship should progress at a pace you're comfortable with. And some people just don't have incredibly high sex drives, whether or not they happen to be gay or straight. It's not a bad thing that cuddling and holding hands are more appealing to you; honestly, they are to me, too. XD Too much sex in a relationship, and not enough cuddling, and I start to feel unloved. I think part of a healthy relationship is finding a balance of physical affection that works for both of you (it might be slightly more than you would ordinarily seek out for yourself, or less than they would, but hopefully not too much of a stretch for either of you... and it should be a compromise, not just one of you giving in all the time. You both deserve to feel loved!) I hope that helps a little bit. =)
First hello and welcome to EC...I congratulate you on being brave enough to "come out" especially growing up in an Islamic religion. Which is exactly my religion. About finding someone, I'm quite sure that as long as you stay true to yourself someone great will come along, hang in there. Something you might want to try is meetup, it's a site that has all different kinds of events for all types of groups (including LGBTQA). You just plug in what area you live in and see if there are events in your area...so check it out. Many hugs to you. (*hug*)
Aw, thanks sweetie. I wish I was a college boy in a first world country where there's that kind of cool club you're talking about, but I am not heheh... My ex was a wonderful person, he was very patient with me. But I couldn't make him happy, and I wasn't happy about having to force myself either. You know how people say "sometimes love is just not enough"? Well, it's true Hiya there. I've read your story and I can relate to the religious part. I am not sure that you'd be happy with a man who just want to cuddle, though, considering that groping activities you have going on hehehe... Hi there, newly out lady! Let me get this straight: your religion is Islam? Thank you for the suggestion, but what is this meetup thingie? Can you fill me in?
Yes my religion is Islam...hehe...(!) Google meetup and you will see what I'm talking about. It can help you meet individuals who like to get out about doing activities within the LGBTQA community. It's a new thing for me too, but I want to get to know more individuals in our community, especially ones that live in my area. (*hug*)
