Today marks my one year anniversary of joining EC. I remember that day. I'd decided I might as well sign up. EC had turned up a few days before or so in a search, and I had found myself coming back again and again. Funny thing: I think there were moments I wondered the first day or so if/when I'd have enough posts to qualify for the Full Member application. As it turned out, I had the post count long before the 2 week waiting period ended--maybe even in a matter of days--and a year later I have more than a thousand posts. Amazing. I wish I could report that the last year has been a Huge Success. Indeed, a short period after joining EC, inspired by stories here, I had dreams of by the end of this year, I'll be where this person is! Unfortunately, the reality was different than my dreams. As is so often the case. And so, a year after joining EC, I have, at most, a mixed bag of success and failures to report. One success: I now consider myself to be gay. Not bisexual. Not "well I could fool around with another guy, but it wouldn't mean anything!" Indeed, I think I came to an acceptance of reality within a month of joining EC. It may have been at the end of that month when I first half thought maybe one day I could have a boyfriend. And maybe I can...but it doesn't seem like that day will come any time soon. It may well never come. It may well never come because in this "EC process," I became too conscious of other problems in my life. And there is a sense that I need to have those issues resolved, first. Coming out is mostly a failure. My entire coming out in the real world was at a PFLAG meeting. Real life...well, there is no one that seems right. What few friends and family I have aren't close enough to really warrant (in my mind) telling them at this point. Later on, if I get that boyfriend, yes. But not now. On an uglier level, there are people who would not take the news well, and there could be practical problems, such as losing a good job reference. On the brighter side, I am caring less about what others think. With many people if they think I'm gay, fine. That, alone, I guess is a huge step from where I once was. Real world interactions with other LGBT people (like social groups) has been seriously limited. Basically only PFLAG. My attempts at finding anything else turned up very little in my area, and most of that doesn't apply to me. The only coming out group appears to be one for lesbians. Social groups seem to emphasize the young, or the more mature man. While I'm disappointed by the list of failures--enough that I now realize I don't want to think about it anymore--I do have to say it's been an interesting journey at times. And this journey may well turn out to be something I look back on, and view as a period of solid personal growth and transformation.
It has been over a year for me, and not nearly as many posts as you:dry: I also am not along the path as far as I would like. I am still married, and slowly working on how to get an amicable divorce. One of the best things that I did, over the past year, was to come out to a few key friends and family. This pisses off my wife to no end, as she has lost control of my closet (one in which she now shares). The feeling of inner peace and joy with being out to a few people who are significant to me has made a huge difference. I do wish for a boy friend in the future, but I am also working on a lot of other family of origin issues. If you can, keep doing those baby steps and keep coming out if you can.
Hi, You know what... You had the confidence to publicly spank yourself. That speaks volumes about you. Based on the courage you displayed it tells me part of the reason you did it was to drive yourself forward, pushing off from the failures. Congrats. I admire you. Tom
Hey BMC, congrats on your first year! I wish you all the best in your endeavour to be yourself, your being here has been as a fellow-traveller on this adventure and it has been a comfort to me to know that you have stuck with us. Good for you for doing this for your own betterment, no matter how you feel about where you are right now, it is in the right direction!
BMC- EC friend and brother for almost a year- Thank you for helping and supporting me on my journey too!!! I'm out & divorced but still need the support of my EC friends. (&&&)
This site is like a miracle to me... It is the first place I've been (online or in real life) where it's felt safe to be completely vulnerable and open--to feel connected. Stick with us; it's all of us here who make this site what it is. I've found some kindred spirits--some real, if anonymous, friends--here. If any of them stopped posting in threads or chatting via our walls, it would feel like a personal loss to me. No, it would be a personal loss for me! (*hug*)
I can't wait for my twelve month update. Lol Congrats!! Life is full of ups and downs.. Your being true to yourself peace And I felt the same regarding worrying if I'd ever have enough to say to make 50 posts sure enough it happens..lol
For what it's worth, my coming out process was at least 4 or 5 years, in my late 20s to early 30s, and it was probably another 3 or 4 years before I felt completely comfortable with who I was that I didn't consciously avoid the topic. I think it's easier for younger people because they've got less built up with those around them as to who they are. I know a number of people who came out older by moving to another city far enough away that they could "reinvent" themselves and then reintroduce themselves to their family/home towns once they were more comfortable. Everyone goes at his or her own pace. There's no race, and no particular timeline you need to adhere to. So I'd say that loving yourself and appreciating where you are -- and admitting you're "so gay Kinsey doesn't have a number for it" is actually a pretty big step in the right direction. My guess is, the more comfortable you get with yourself, the easier the next steps will be, and the faster they'll come. Just give yourself time.
Thanks for your kind words, everyone! Yes, as several of you have pointed out, at least I'm headed in the right direction. And that, alone, is hugely valuable.
Today is my 1 year anniversary on EC. I was so scared to post in the beginning. The support I've gotten here since my 1st post has given me courage and confidence on this journey. I learned to use my voice. You let me be me. I've whined and vented. Shared the good and bad. And you were always there. Thank you. (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
Thanks for posting the Anniversary thread BMC. I would not have started my own. Sometimes I look at all the things I don't have in my life right now. Today I will look at all the blessings in my life. I am so grateful to have found EC and everyone here. Thank you again to my EC family. (&&&) Rose
You're welcome, Rose! I, too, am grateful that I found EC. I don't think there is any way I'd have come this far if it hadn't been for EC. I also remember that fear of posting here. As I recall, at first I was willing to post on any topic other than my sexual orientation issues. In fact, I believe one huge strength that EC has is that there is active forums covering other topics. My early posts about exercise, computers, and TV may not have helped me deal with the fact I'm gay. But those posts helped make me comfortable being here so that I could start addressing the fact I'm gay.
BMC and Rose = congrats to both on 1 year anniversaries on EC. I read your posts and love your brave honesty and striving to be authentic. It isn't easy - this journey we are all on - and for those of us coming out later in life, we have our own special twists and turns to challenge us. It is easy to dwell on stuff that has gone less well or differently, but it is baby steps. For me if i look back over the last few years since I came out and focus on the incredible progress i have made, things I have done and thought and said to people close and not so close - which to an outsider might seem like nothing, but to me are huge advances - then i can smile inside and move on. Hope you can do the same? Thanks again for your own stories
I am another who has today clocked up a year on EC, in some respects I was already ahead of others in the coming out stages, but it hadn't gone any further, and I was kind of stuck. Joining this website meant I wasn't alone and that having feelings for someone who doesn't even want to talk to you was not uncommon either. I have seen a few people over the last 6 or so months, none that have formed a serious relationship but which have been fun. I don't post here daily but I remember checking this web site every day on the bus to work, reading through every ones stories and problems.
