Where am I going?

Hey saqi. You were right when you said we had similar backgrounds. My relationship ended two years ago and I remained single until a friendship I treasured changed into a romantic relationship. I never saw that coming and questioned if my orientation had somehow effected my past relationship.

I think some counselling would be a great idea. there is so much going on for you right now. I also know just how lonely it is with no one to confide in. I have at times felt miserable not being able to work something through with a friend or just tell someone about a great experience with my partner or anything really.

I am so glad you decided to open up. it sounds like you are dealing with two issues, one of a marriage that makes you sad and another of questioning your sexuality. Thats a lot on anyone and when you add isolation to the mix I can only imagine how lost you feel at times.

I hope you will feel comfortable to share a little more about how you are feeling.

 

Thanks for sharing your story, very interesting! So is your husband gay? Or just has low sex drive? He could be depressed or something if he has no interest in sex..

Good that your starting therapy I think it will help a lot get you head around all this!

Welcome to EC!!

 

(*hug*)Welcome to the EC. It really has been an eye opener to me seeing how many people are living a similar life to me. I'm in counselling and it has been a massive help to me. I hope yours helps you. It sounds like you have a real connection with your friend which you can't ignore. If the friend I fell for had kissed me I know I wouldn't have been able to stop it. My feelings for her were/are so strong. Unfortunately she has closed the door on me. What ever the reason your marriage doesn't sound like its in a good place. You need to be true to yourself. That's what I'm trying to do and my counsellor is helping me with that. I have spent my life making other people happy and ignoring my own needs. I avoid conflict. I'm taking it one step at a time but I think I'm heading in the right direction. It sounds to me you know what you want you just need to find the courage to be yourself. Good luck.

 

I'm not sure who you saw before but I made sure the councillor I saw was lgbt friendly. She turned out to be gay with two grown up children and lives happily with her female partner. That in itself was a big help to me. It sounds like your husband has his own issues and your marriage would have suffered anyway without your confusion. It does sound like you are in a complicated situation financially and with your husbands depression. However you can't keep supporting your husband forever, he has to help himself too. Have you looked into the legal situation if you separated? I'm planning on doing that this week. In the uk you get help if you are single. I'm sure it must be the same in the USA. I'm sure you care for your husband but you can't stay with him if your heart is elsewhere. It's not fair on you or him in the long run. Really hope you find some support but here if you want to talk. X

 

Hi saqi...you may well already have considered this (and meant to imply that in your post), but I wanted to be sure: *absolutely* make sure you find an LGBT-friendly lawyer as well!!

 

That's fab news. I think you will find it a big help. Let us know how you get on. X :icon_bigg

 

I am really happy to hear you will be getting some support saqi. As others have said someone LGBTI friendly is really important. My counsellor clearly wasn't, her body language and tone of voice made that clear. I made no progress while seeing her.
I hope it helps you, I am glad you are making yourself a priority!

 

Welcome! I'm new here as well it is a wonderful place. I am also married and trying to figure it all out. Look forward to getting to know you!

 

It is really, really unusual for anyone to get alimony in this day and age. You don't say how old the children are now. But if you did separate from your husband, any child support obligations would likely depend on whether they lived with you or with him.

I would encourage you to explore the reality of the situation with a lawyer, an LGBT friendly lawyer like others said, before you decide you couldn't afford to leave marriage. Too often we let assumptions and fear guide us, in my opinion.

Good luck with the counselor!

 

Saqi, have you heard the campaign "It gets better"? It does.

My first marriage was similar to yours. So first of all, whatever your attractions are, you need out of that deal. Unload that guy and move someplace more affordable. It seems as if there are obstacles, but do it anyway. You'll wonder why you thought it was such a big effort once you've done it and feel free of the drain on your soul.

So then you can live. It will be ok if you are true to yourself. Not "easy" every step of the way, but right, true and authentic.

I don't know you, but I know this situation. I'd have stayed if my husband had been interested in us having a good relationship on any level. He wasn't, which was his choice to make but like me, you don't have to sit there till you die in a tomb of a marriage.

 

If you're living paycheck to paycheck already the courts may not award alimony. Obviously your attorney is going to be the best source of information but if you're working yourself into a worry I would see what information is available online. Also, you're already paying for two people now and, once single, you'll have more control over your financial situation. You could move to a cheaper city or state or closer to a better paying job. You'll make the decisions about what to buy and services to use. You may find, even paying alimony, that your finances are in a better position.