Ok. I've finally accepted that I'm gay. I have this overwhelming need to really start telling people. I have postponed telling my kids bc I wanted to have clear definite answers regarding where their dad will be, schools etc. That part is just about done- enough so I'm considering telling them this weekend. I've also decided to rip the metaphysical bandaid off all once and explain that the reason their father and I are not able to stay married is bc I am gay. I have plans on st Patrick's day to go out with friends from work and I am considering telling them that night.. All together so I only have to do it once. ( I know I will be the meat of gossip in the hospital I work at for a while, but at this stage I hardly care) my question to my EC friends is this: do you think I should not make plans to fully out myself until I get the ok (do to speak) from my kids? Can anyone share the experience of telling their kids with me? I am very nervous. I would've been out 8 months ago were it not for these lovelies. That being said... I am so sick of this fucking closet I could puke!! Help!
Lovetoski- I told my son I was gay and about the divorce in the same conversation. I started with -When I was young it was not ok to be who I was... That Mommy is gay.(real version was longer but kept it simple.) And then about the divorce. He said he did not care about me being gay just about the divorce. I told him it was ok to feel whatever he was feeling.And to ask any questions he had. And that it was ok to cry whenever he needed to. I did have what I wanted to say written out in case I needed it. Maybe see how the kids are doing a couple of days before St. Patricks's Day and then ask them them re-telling everyone else. (*hug*)
I will be coming out to the ex-wife in about a week or so, once the divorce papers are finally in my hands. I actually spoke about this to my therapist this afternoon. Essentially it is important to understand that this is a long game, in other words, a single announcement will not suffice, not everything you say will register right away. Another important consideration is to create the conditions that let them decide whether they want to discuss the various aspects of this event. Remind them constantly that it is up to them whether they want to discuss something, it gives them the control about what they want to hear. Also, be vulnerable; be human. Although painful, kids need to learn that their parents are not those mythical perfect beings, but flawed like everyone else. Finally, be proud of who you are, never apologize for what you are. You may be sorry you couldn't tell them earlier, you may be sorry for the consequences but never about who you are. Also, if you can get from shock to humour, that would also be a good thing. Give them permission to tease you if it can break the tension, it can only help!
Great post gw-(*hug*) I was driving w/my son a few weeks ago and he had a question :Why now? [Why didn't I come out when he was younger] He had asked that months before but I don't think he was ready to process the answer.
I too came out in the same conversation with my kids about the divorce. It was without question the single hardest conversation I've ever had or will ever have. It still gives me anxiety. In hindsight they were more upset about the divorce than me being gay. It's over a year now and were doing ok. They love me; I love them, and my relationship with my ex is pretty dang good. My kids are still hurt, but I try really hard to be a good dad. Honestly, it's never enough. I'd advise keeping the kids foremost in mind. I know that you've suffered tremendously for a very long time, but they don't deserve the horseshit you're about to drop. Try very hard to put yourself second and not do anything like bringing someone new to the table before they've had some time. There's going to be a lot of dust to settle. It needs to be done though, right? None of it is fair, to you or them. This situation is unthinkable and no one wins. We do the best with what we've got. That's all we can do. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
