It's been awhile since I've been on here and there are SO many new names and faces! Yay! I've been in a relationship with a woman since last April (started online, we met in person two months later, I broke it off for a few days in December(?), she convinced me to come back...) and it seems to be going better. I don't know what happened but I think that she was not convinced I was a real lesbian. Has anyone had that problem? I suppose that one might wonder since I didn't come out until I was 49.
Hi. I'm new here, but I've known plenty of lesbians who didn't come out until late in life. And lesbians who were married to men for a long time, had children, etc. I also don't get this concept of "real lesbian"--what would a "fake lesbian" be? I know women can fake some things, but why that? Maybe your girlfriend is just insecure for personal reasons, or maybe she's worried about something in your sex life. I hope you two can talk and work it out. I'm glad your relationship is going better though!
Hey BT, welcome back! Funny you should mention that, I was with my friend (a gay "lifer") when he suggested the same thing, that because I was able to be with a woman, that I could possibly be with one again...When I reminded him that I had not been intimate with a woman, my ex-wife included, in the past 5 years, he finally understood...
Yeah, it's important for people to understand that not everyone who has had experience with both sexes is bisexual. Some people are gay. Some people are straight. Only bisexuals are bisexual. This coming from a bisexual
When I first realized I am a lesbian I worried that this is what a lot of people would think of me... after all I'm hetero married and have three children. Then I realized that whoever I end up with will also have a past of some sort and if they can't accept mine then they won't be my friend/lover/partner/spouse/whatever. I have and continue to live a life for other people and when the time comes to live life for me I'm not going to let other people's narrow mindedness inhibit me from doing so. My guess is your lady may have had a crisis of self confidence or in the relationship. Stop relationships go through those phases though so, if things area all good now, maybe just hang on and see where things land over the next few months.
We went through a rough spot toward the end of last year simply because both of our lives went to hell. Deaths of friends on her part and cancer diagnosis of my dad and death of an ex on my part. When I broke it off she was quick to say, "Wait a minute!". I don't believe that she questions me any more but I do understand where she was coming from. Yes Rose27, you DO love your (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)! On a side note, my dad is NOT doing well. It won't be long now.:tears:
Biotech, so sorry about your dad, my dad is facing some health issues as well and I am hoping he can overcome them. My heart goes out to you ... it has to tough to be going through that while you are also dealing with relationship issues. Hope you have good stress relieving activities and supportive friends you can call upon. I have recently found that the lift this site gives is enormous... wish you the best.
My girlfriend's ex-partner calls me the girl who thinks she might be gay. As in, I can't believe you left me for the girl who thinks... One of their friends asked my gf if she was "sure" I was gay. I found that really irritating but my gf doesn't let it affect her at all. I get worried that those doubts will affect her at some point but I hope that doesn't happen. Independent of them, I was in a social situation last week where a straight friend outed me to another lesbian acquaintance. It was fine for her to know I'm gay, obviously, but she actually said "going through a phase?" And I said no and started talking about my gf. So annoying!
Totally agree. This ties in so much with the "gold star" lesbian worship in the gay community. Its not fair to those who have come out later in life.:icon_sad:
I didn't come out as bi until some months back at 41. I am now seeing a great older guy. The age to which I came out did not have anything to do with him believing if me being attracted to men was real or not. Who I am made that clear. So I am lost in wondering why this woman would question if you were a real lesbian just because of the age you came out at. I can understand her wondering if you are just confused. Confusion comes with all of this, but age determination? That's one I have not come across before. I think as long as you girls love each other and want to be with each other, I don't see any issues that need to be questioned. Hope all turns out best for both of you.
I think it might have been because I had been married twice and have three boys. That, and she had relationships in the past where the other person had been experimenting. From that perspective I certainly understand.
I suspect that there's a certain amount of feeling among people who came out (and stayed out) early, that if you didn't, you're somehow still uncertain of your real orientation. In my case, I had gay feelings and one minor gay experience, but got married, had kids, and now finally I'm accepting that I'm gay and am shifting my life. To someone who's been out and proud since their teens, I might look like someone who's waffled around, and now I'm gay, but tomorrow I might not be. I get it, but unless you've lived it, you wouldn't understand the many mind games that go into sealing yourself into the closet and then breaking out of it. Coming out as bi is probably somewhat different; I think the feelings that bisexuals go through aren't really understood by people who are much closer to the gay or straight end of the spectrum. Coming out as bi might be perceived more as "just" experimentation, and I think people don't really take it as seriously as they should. From what I've learned here on EC, being bi has its own set of challenges and pluses, and some of them are quite unique. In the end it's all about figuring out who you are and how you can live you life in the best way possible--and how to connect with the people who you can connect with in all the most positive ways. If some people don't get it, well, that's their problem, not yours.
sorry to hear about your father. my situation is different, I guess bi is the title I pick when I must. My gf is a lesbian. The majority of her friends accept me but there are some who seem to struggle. There is an expectation I may suddenly crave a male partner again and leave her. Taken to an extreme I could say her last gf was blonde, maybe she will suddenly crave being with a blonde again. It frustrates me but I just let it go. It amazes me that so much discrimination goes on in a group so frequently discriminated against. We all need to support each other.
I think this fear among the gay "lifers" is real. A guy I am seeing actually asked the question as to whether I would ever go back to being with a woman, since he knew I was married for many years. I reassured him that I wouldn't but it was quite revealing...
