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Why am I making such a mess of everything?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Quest2, Mar 5, 2014.

  1. Quest2

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    It's been a while since I have been on here. So much has happened yet I feel no closer to having any peace of mind. About 6 months ago I came out to my husband, as soon as he had time to properly process the information he started to talk about moving on with his life without me. I should have been happy at that point but instead I panicked. I proclaimed that I was not really a lesbian, I simply had a huge crush on someone at work and that had really confused me.
    He accepted this but we have now become even further apart than ever. We have no physical relationship at all and although we are friends, we are increasingly distant. I now feel really stupid for pulling back from the inevitable break up. Why did I do that?

    Now I have met someone at work. We have so much in common and have developed very gradually a very special relationship. We text each other every night and have done so for months. We have begun to know each other very well and we plan to spend the night together soon. The problem is that when ever we are close I become unbelievably shy, we have never kissed. In my head we have kissed a thousand times and I am excited by the thought of intimacy with her, yet I feel a barrier between us that prevents me from getting closer.

    I am panicking as she says she loves me and wants us to leave our husbands and live together. I have spent my life keeping who I am a secret, I am not ready to come out to my workplace and do not want to be forced into this situation.

    I feel I am making a mess of everything, I am very lucky to have found such a lovely woman who thinks the world of me, I do love her but I am not ready to simply move in and settle down so quickly. I have never spent time by myself and in my heart of hearts feel this is the right thing to do.
    How can I offer anyone anything unless I know who I am first? What a mess!
     
  2. Penpal

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    Quest2, I'm sure if you talked to her she would understand. You wouldn't be saying you don't want to be with her but you want to be happy in yourself before moving in with her. From my own experience I am separating with my husband and I'm not ready to commit to anyone, although I haven't met anyone like you so it is different. Just be honest with her. Tell her how you feel but explain you need time. If she loves you as much as she is saying she will understand. Good luck and be good to yourself x
     
  3. saqi08

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    Quest2, Penpal offers some great advice. I think you do need to be on your own, assert your independence first so you can focus on what is really best for you. Let your friend know that she is definitely included in the plans, and I do think she will understand.
    She has her own family issues to deal with as well (i.e. a husband) and you can show your love for her by being supportive of her journey as well. I wish you the best!
     
  4. Quest2

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    Dear Penpal and saqi08, thank you for your replies. You are right, I will speak to her. We are both on a journey and have our own issues to deal with. I just hope I don't hurt her feelings.
    Time on my own to re-calibrate my life is definitely needed, I am just thankful there are others I can talk to.
     
  5. Penpal

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    Good luck Quest2, I'm sure she will understand. Both of you will need time to adjust. Here if you need to talk. X