Is sex with an older guy wrong? If I am physically and emotionally attracted to an older guy who feels the same fore me ( beyond just friends and beyond just sex ), is it wrong for him and I to be more than friends. To have relationship and sex as any normal couple would? I have been told that it is wrong and to stay with someone with in my age group. I am 42 and this guy I like is older, but not major older than me. We are with in reasonable age range. He is not some old pervert looking for a younger piece of *ss. We actually started off as just social friends and things have clicked beyond that. His personality, heart, and yes, physical attributes are all a draw for me to him. He feels the same way about me. So why would someone tell me that I am wrong for wanting to be with him beyond friends ( as in a personal intimate relationship ) and that I should not have sex with him? Am I missing something here? I am just lost at what I was told by someone ( a gay social friend ) about all of this. It boggles my mind.:dry:
Max, It depends on the age gap. You say you're 42. OK, how much older is he? If he's in his 40's, even in his early 50's, I don't think the age gap is significant. (I expect Chip to chime in here soon. He usually does.) I think the important questions are about the kind of relationship you have, whether he is at all controlling, trying to recapture his youth through you, stuff like that. But if you think you have the same level of maturity, that it would be an equal sort of "partnership," and the age difference isn't too great, I think that the only problem is in the minds of critics...
I generally agree with Ed on this with regards to the basis of the relationship being the important factor. For me, age in itself means not so much, especially compared to how well the two of you connect on emotional, psychological, and maturity levels. As long as the relationship overall is on a healthy basis, who cares how old you guys are?
A thread on this topic was recently closed because of strong reactions I guess. What I've understood is that you always need to consider common goals/perspectives and check if in the relationship there is a power imbalance or some unhealthy control dynamics. If that's not the case, go for it. I guess that at 42 dating someone older should not be a problem.
I agree with ornoir29, I think at age 42 dating someone older should not be a problem. So if you click, enjoy it. Best of luck to you!
I don't agree that older men falling in love with younger men, even 20 years their junior could be viewed as perverse if they truly love one another. Attraction is not something that follows rules and certainly, true love and commitment is always beautiful. I know 2 couples with a significant age difference who had been in a committed and loving relationship (married) for longer than a decade.
By one's 40s, the issues of power and control that tend to derail or otherwise cause problems in age gap relationships are usually less present, and so there's less likely to be any inherent issues that will cause problems. Depending on how much of a gap there is, there are cultural, generational, and other differences that can crop up, but these, of course, are not unique to age gap relationshps. And finally, again depending on the age of the older person, issues of health and senior years can come into play. If none of those issues are of concern to you, and you feel a genuine and strong connection to this person, and not a sense of "I don't deserve anything better" (which can often be an unconscious motivator for the younger person in these sorts of relationships), then I'd see no reason not to go for it.
I've never dated a younger man. My current partner is only slightly older than me, but I've had relationships with men a lot older. It wasn't age difference that made us part company though.
Thanks everyone for sharing your thought son this issue. It really has helped me understand things alot better and better handle things as they pop up. As a result, I did finally go out on an actual date with this guy last night and it was awesome! Post an update on that in a wee bit, but thanks everyone!
This is all very good advice. I have just come out to my wife so I have not started dating, but have wondered about the age thing. I have always had a young heart. I know men that are 10 or more years younger than me that act a lot older. To me it is finding the right person that I enjoy emotionally, intellectually, physically, and has a great sense of humor. That is a tall order, but the physical age isn't important. What is important is that he be where I am in my heart.
