I am 46 yo, professional, married, this is my second time, 2 kids from my first marriage. I have came to the point where my attraction for women is getting really low,"middle age" crisis, andropause, I don't know. Before I was able to control my urges and I was living just for living. I want to come out but I am married to a wonderful woman who loves me and see an straight man (I have been able to hide my real preferences real well) , I dont want to hurt her but the urges and cravings are just unbearable. Some words of wisdom?. Thanks for your time
Welcome to EC. I think (i know) you are going to find lots of support and help here. You are definitely not alone and there are many esp in this Later in Life section with similar experiences (may be you've been reading their/our posts already - if not do so!). From my own experience I wonder if the first most important thing for those of us in life situations like yours is to just be honest with yourself, before we even think of talking to other people? Your orientation is "straight but curious". You say that your attraction for women is getting really low but then say that before you were able to 'control' your urges. So were they always there? How long have you been able to hide your 'real' preferences? I do know that everyone experiences their sexuality differently and that if can change and shifted over a life time (again read other posts), but it does sound to me from the little you have said you are and have always been largely gay but have hidden it over the years. If this is true (and apologies if I have misread you or I am projecting my own story) but I believe it is very important to 'come out' to yourself before coming out to others? Hope these questions are helpful? I am sure others will reply too. I may not be able to check in for a some time to catch your own reply, but hope you can begin to find some help here to get you moving forward
:welcome:! I agree completely with Electra's comments. First you need to be able to look at yourself honestly to understand who you are and what your sexual and romantic attractions are before moving forward. Sometimes it helps to share your background to help uncover how you feel about things; we're here to listen without judging, and we can offer advice and ask questions for you to think about things. But no one can make the decisions for you. If you learn that you are in fact gay or bi or straight but curious or whatever else is going on with you, you will want to be at peace with yourself first and then have a conversation with your wife about who you are if that is where your heart leads you. It's not an easy path, but take a look around the Later in Life messages and you'll find all kinds of examples of guys just like you in situations with many parallels. You're not in this alone.
Thank you very much Electra, I appreciate the comment. ---------- Post added 7th Mar 2014 at 05:07 PM ---------- Thank you GayDadStr8Mang, your comment is so kind..
