Sitting here wanting to cry my eyes out after a huge fight with my partner I asked why his cranky because his been snappy at me and our kids.He said you know what's wrong he goes on saying that we have problems and his had enough of me not giving him sex which is the Main problem I'm struggling with my sexuality and I've tried telling him nicely that I just don't desire the sexy part I know it's unfair I want to push myself to have sex because he will be happy but I literally feel cringe thinking about he actual penetration it scares me to death.I can get off my own with no problem or porn which I hate resorting too but I don't feel it in my heart or want it.We both sit here head to toe quietly now I said let's just wait till after the family event to talk about it all.He said no his going to tell everyone everything he doesn't want to pretend I don't know if he knows bout my struggle I've told him I find women attractive but left it at that he doesn't handle things well becomes very nasty I'm scared he will play mind games with our kids.He doesn't agree with homosexuality I told him I love him but don't desire to give him oral he said you must be a lesbian then and said let's just tell everyone I'm not pretending to be happy.I panicked and said no I'm not because I'm not ready to take the blame I'm scared of what everyone will say and I know no one will talk to me and side with him what are my options? I asked about counselling but deep down I don't really want it cause I think it's true who I am.
I just want to say there are good people here, and I hope you keep posting and find some solace. This sounds awful, and it is NOT okay that he is threatening you with public exposure. It seems telling that you used the phrase "mind games"- you don't deserve that, and it sounds like he is already using mind games to control you. Be strong. You'll find a way, and people here can help you. Can someone with kids weigh in about the options???
I'm so sorry he had that reaction. I really hope he doesn't out you to your family, that is just so wrong for someone to threaten. Hopefully that was just his anger talking. Now that it's kind of out there i think your only option is to really open up to him and explain what you are feeling. It sucks that it was brought out this way, but you can't change it now. Yes, this is a great place and there are so many people here to offer advice and some clarity. I agree that it sounds like he is already using mind games on you. It really is awful that he threatened you like that. If he loves you he should think about how much conflict this is causing you and that he isn't the only one hurting. Keep us posted...
Hey sweetie. I'm going through a similar situation with my husband, so I know how you feel. I'm not even sure if I am 100% lesbian but my attraction to men has drastically decreased and my attraction to women is sky high now. Sometimes I desire my husband, but when we actually do it, I don't want to do it anymore and I find myself fantasizing about a woman. I'm just lucky my husband so far has been chill about my sexuality so far. I have always been bisexual but its like im turning lez or im fixated on women now. Its so confusing. Hang in there. I doubt he would actually tell anyone or play games. He is just frustrated and doesn't know what to do, after all our husbands didn't sign up for this when we got married. He is lashing out because he needs to vent his anger and resentment. Once it is out of his system , he should think more clearly. You are not alone in this, even though it feels so. There is a forum for women like us, who are 'lesbian after marriage', but i am not sure if i am allowed to post the link. I will pm it to you. I have been crying for many nights because of this. Because even though my husband didn't take my 'i might be leabian' talk too badly, i am now feeling a bit stuck and cannot explore my sexuality because I love him ---------- Post added 8th Mar 2014 at 12:10 AM ---------- You are not alone. I am in a similar situation with my husband. I didnt expect my bisexuality to suddenly become one sided two years into my marriage. I worry about our fate. I loce him so much but im not attracted to men anymore. Sometimes I desire him, but when we do it, i get bored and just imagine a woman. I am far more turned on by women. And now I notice the beautiful women around me even more so than before. I can't stop thinking about being with a woman. I have dreams about it. I even dream about falling in love with a woman. Its suffocating me. I wish I could just go back to being Bi but this has been going on for months already. I desperately want to explore my sexuality but I can't because I love him, and we are married. I don't want to lose him but I fear this will eventually be the death of our marriage. I also fantasize about divorce often but it makes me cry. Hang in there. Your husband is probably just venting because he is frustrated and doesn't know what to do in this situation. Its not like our husbands signed up for this when we got married. He is afraid of losing you, his ego is probably wounded and he feels stuck as you do. There may be a solution for you. Have you thought about an open marriage? I think it could help if you do it right. I wish that was an option for me, but it isn't. ---------- Post added 8th Mar 2014 at 12:11 AM ---------- Oops, sorry, i thought my first post got deleted ao i started over. Didnt know it was still there! ---------- Post added 8th Mar 2014 at 12:22 AM ---------- Im sorry, it seems i cant pm anyone yet. Must be because i am new. Here is the forum link i told you about : Askjoanne.net ---------- Post added 8th Mar 2014 at 12:25 AM ---------- If you would like someone to talk to, who understands what you're going through, i am here. I would appreciate the support as well. Just pm me any contact information you'd like to use to connect with me, as i cannot pm back. Hugs Maddie
My husband was angry, threatened to tell my family etc. For me, it acted as a catalyst to determine what I really wanted. I outed myself to my family. I had mixed reaction, but there was some support. The acceptance of my sexuality has been the easiest part-- I mean of course I like women!! The ramifications of what that meant were more difficult. It was the consequences of accepting what I want is what had me questioning.. Until I realized a better word was hesitation. I wish I could give you an easy answer that would make this better, but if there is one... It eludes me. If you don't want to go to a counsellor and just want an ear- I've got 2. Best.
My husband did this too. I had found out he was seeing someone and we had an argument. He got so angry and said he was going to tell everyone we know about me. I was so hurt. He has apologised but that was the final straw in our relationship. There is no going back for us. He hasn't told anyone but I am scared he will. I really hope you have the strength to see there is nothing wrong with you. If he does out you people who care about you will support you and he will be seen as an awful person. Now things have calmed down I hope you can talk things through. You need support not judgment. You have my support anytime you need it. X
