As I mentioned in my introductory thread, I'm 42 years old and I recently came out to my very close (and small) group of friends. They have all been incredibly supportive and well, I'm just very happy about it. It's been like a big internal SIGHING, if that makes sense. Just about 2 months ago, I would've never admitted to someone, "OMG, my gynecologist is the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth," or simply, "I LOVE redheads!" I told one of my friends that I'm having a great love affair with my thoughts, and it's AMAZING!!! But, what's the next step? I've never dated---neither men nor women. Obviously, I've never kissed nor have had sex. But even as much as sex with a man was a foreign concept to me, finding a girlfriend is like asking me to go to Mars in my car--I don't even know where to begin. It's as if someone's asking me to take the bar without studying! I'm a fairly intelligent and educated professional, and I don't want to FULLY come out--YET. And, the look that attracts me is not very common in my area (I'm Latin, but like redheads and brownish/blonde women--nerdy, intelligent!!) So, while coming out is great, it's also a bit, well, WHAT'S THE POINT? ETA: I don't even know how to approach a woman! I mean, how do you even know someone is well, attracted to women? :bang:
I'd say make friends with others lesbians first. Don't put expectations on yourself about dating yet. I went to a Lambda Legal event when I first came out. I'm also looking to get involved with the Stonewall Bar Association where I live. There are lambda legal chapters lots of places. And I think most people who go to those understand that any given person may not be fully out at work. I'm not. Some people at work know, others don't. If you have not been totally turned off from religion, I recommend the Episocpal church - certain parishes are VERY LGBT friendly. Episcopal churches attact lawyers and intellectuals and lesbians, in my experience : )
HopeFloats, Thanks so much. All of my friends except one are straight. My only lesbian friend is in a very dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship that I don't wish to emulate at all. I'm really into smart women--geeky, smart, white women are incredibly sexy to me. My God. Add a dash of auburn hair and freckles and my brain short-circuits. I may just follow some of your suggestions. Honestly, I'm not ready for someone other than the people I've come out to finding out (read, my family). I take care of my very LATIN CATHOLIC ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE grandmother, and she CANNOT find out. Ever.
Congratulations on coming out! :eusa_clap Even though it must seem weird "learning to date," I'm sure you'll catch on as soon as you meet some people. And in a weird way, it's an advantage--you haven't learned any bad habits from dating too early in life (like rushing sex, or rushing into a relationship). About knowing if the women you're talking to like women, developing "gaydar" gets easier with time. Just make a lot of eye contact and you'll notice women flirting back. The longer you're out, the easier it will be to read the signals. So happy for you and wish you the best! Look for gay bars, bookstores, coffee shops, etc. in your town--even smart, nerdy professionals occasionally go out for a drink at the bars. :icon_bigg ---------- Post added 9th Mar 2014 at 07:16 PM ---------- Oh, and...this might sound silly...but putting one of those HRC equal sign bumper stickers on your car might help you find women at the strangest places (like the grocery store parking lot!) and it's not a big rainbow flag so chances are your grandmother won't even notice it. Good luck!
