No matter how many times she've hurt, lied and used me, I still can't move on and I still love her despite of what happened... I almost ended my life for her, twice... How can I always end up forgiving the person time and again? I wanted to forget her yet she keeps on sending me mixed signals even after we try agreeing that we need to end it... and I always end up crawling back to her... Please, I badly needed help. Everybody is telling me I need to help myself and find a support group, but I had no one here in Dubai... And it gets really lonely here, feels like the darkness eating me alive. Badly needed a constant friend I can confide with... =(
More than your need for a constant friend you can confide with, what you may badly need first is to become a friend to yourself. It is a truth that loving yourself comes before loving someone else. So: what does that mean? The cultivation and appreciation of solitude. That you can enjoy your own company, like going to a restaurant alone, or enjoying a beautiful sunset alone. When you love yourself, you establish boundaries to protect your cherished self from injury and insult. You find that you will not tolerate being abused or being used, because you know that you are worth being respected. And if you can't find someone to share your life, the life that you respect and honour, you will easily find that you would be better off alone. In relationships, settle for nothing less than the best for the person that you must love first: yourself. Here is a great quote from W. Somerset Maugham:
It's your life. You're the one letting her walk all over you. Maybe it's time to stop doing that. When you're in love with someone you tend to only see the good things about them. The fact that she's doing that to you, means maybe she's not such a great person after all and not worthy of your love. Loneliness sucks, doesn't mean she has to be the one to fill that void though.
Thanks a lot peeps! Getting a response surely means a lot to me now. I badly needed someone to be there for me and I'm really trying my best to prioritize myself from now onward. It's just I invested too much time and effort and yet she dismissed everything we had in just a blink of an eye. We used to be so in love and all of a sudden BOOM, just like that! No explanations, nothing but just the mere fact that she keeps on pushing me away. It is a long story, and I've put up a lot of times with her. The one thing I can't understand is why I still love her. I dunno, maybe I'm over analyzing things I shouldn't. Maybe it's time for me to accept that there are really certain people who won't care how you value them that much. I believe that having no communication and not seeing the person will help me move on and carry on with my life. That's what I'm trying to do now, because everything has affected my life (my health, my social life and my work) and I know in time it will surely help me get through the pain I have to bear each day. I'm just hoping that I will not be able to be tempted to answer any of her calls and messages, because if that happens my walls would surely start crumbling again. ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2014 at 08:57 AM ---------- SuperChicken, thank you so much. I'll try to get in touch soon. GreatWhale, thanks for the advise and for reminding me I have to love myself. TheKillingMoon, thanks for making me realize that she's not worth of my love.
