Okay so anyone who has read my other couple of posts you know the story...but here's a quick recap... The past couple months I have grown (in my opinion) very close to a lesbian friend of mine. We've known each other for about four years but not until about the past six months have we really grown close. Close as in texting daily, often good morning and good night and talking multiple times a day. We see each out her almost daily. She tells me I bring joy to her life, and make her happy, and am a blessing to her life. I've met her family. So I've been getting signals that she may be interested in being more than friends. I mean we spend hours together, and talk about everything. She is kind of touchy feely when we're together and looks at me (in my opinion) in a way you don't look at "just a friend". Here's the problem...today's my birthday and not a word from her. No text...no FB message nothing. And we just talked about our birthdays recently because hers is in a couple weeks. I realize that she is casually dating a mutual friend but even this mutual friend wished me a happy birthday. I'm trying not to take it to heart but it just bothers me. Am I just reading in to all the other stuff and her not acknowledging today is my answer to where I really stand with her or did she forget?? She even has asked me to spend Spring Break with her next week...not her "girlfriend". I'm so confused!! Someone sort this out for me. Am I reading in to things? Do I give up or do I keep trying???
Yeah, I think it's better to kind a send her a short message asking if she might be forgetting something today or so... There are lot of possibilities to think about...
I think you need to talk to her. I know you probably don't want to lose her friendship by asking but it will save a lot of heartache in the long run. Good luck, I hope you get the answer you want. X
I did. She didn't know! I didn't want to bring it up, like I expected her to do something for it. We are hanging out this week over Spring Break so we'll see how that goes. Thanks everyone...sorry for being so petty!!
(*hug*) I think we all worry about stuff like that and end up making ourselves sick with worry. You weren't being petty at all!
Don't be silly you aren't being petty. I really hope it works out for you. Hopefully she has worked out her own feelings and is ready now. We all need to talk sometimes. Take care and keep us posted. x
Nice going... It's a proof that sometimes we will not really hear what we wanted to hear unless we ask. Sometimes it's really good to give someone the benefit of doubts. Hope it will went well this time... Good Luck! =)
Yeah, and here we go back into the grey area. I am so confused by this woman. All last week she told me she wanted to hang out this week during Spring Break. Get a message from her Monday that she wasn't sure she was gonna do anything this week. One night she made me supper and it was delicious...well, the other day I made the same thing and sent her a picture of it and she sent me this cute little note about how she loved that I made her favorite meal. Is she sending mixed signals or is it just me?? Also, the kicker is her birthday is next week and I had thought I would take her out for lunch and spoil her but she just seems to be acting weird and I don't know what to do anymore. I guess if I tell her I want to take her out and she doesn't want to go she can just say no, right?! Do I keep trying? Or do I give up? I feel like I'm giving her more than ample amount of space right now but I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. So confused!
err, sounds like a complicated situation. Most time when things get complicated before anything even happens its not worth the chase. Maybe you should just give it time, if she comes through then she's interested, if not then you just dodged a bullet.
she could also be wondering what's going on with you two and realizing the road you two have been on- so is pulling back a bit bc she is tentative honesty always gets and answer "no happy bd from you? whats up?"
Hello and happy belated birthday. Just as everyone else has said, maybe you just need to talk to her about how you are feeling; because she could be feeling just the same as you. Think about it this way, if you never ask her you will never know for certain exactly where this relationship is going. I wish you all the luck in the world in obtaining clarity to ease your mind...many hugs (*hug*)
Hi js6559, I'm in a similar situation ( which I've posted about previously) with a guy, the signals were all there, daily texts and emails, affectionate ( hugs and kisses on the lips when meeting and leaving). I was introduced to his best friends (I felt a little awkward even at my age, as if I was being approved), invited on holidays ( which I couldn't do because of work commitments). To me, the signals were all there. Last year he was the only person who remembered my birthday and he took me out for the day and a meal. Neither of us ever made a move in several months to take things further, I for one was afraid of losing his friendship. We would see each other regularly and go for meals and days out. When I brought up the fact that I would like to take things further he was non-committal, didn't say yes or no, and I was afraid I'd lost a friend. Anyway he emailed as usual the day after, usual bland things about how the day has been, I replied saying even if we don't take things further it's good to remain friends. He's never responded to this point, and since then (about 3 months) I've only seen him twice, for a quick coffee each time. It was friendship as usual, but he's been too busy to make time for me otherwise. Today I'm seeing him for longer, but despite asking him a couple of weeks ago, and he warned me he might be busy, he only told me he was free late last night. I felt like saying I have things planned, as I feel to have been led on, then kept at a distance, now used when he's nothing better to do. I've agreed to have a day out though, because I can't afford to lose a friend. In my heart I guess he's not right for me, I don't expect being treated like this, plus I wonder if he sees guys on a one off basis ( or is that my mind working overtime) because he's talked about certain online hook up sites in the past, however that's not how we met. The point of this is that I don't reckon I fully know the guy I would have had a relationship with, and he seems to see our friendship differently, and I either go along with that or lose a friend. Right now I need a friend. At least he didn't run away entirely, just seemed to back off fir a while. If you decide to ask how your friend feels about you, you need to be prepared to either adapt to just friendship, or lose a friend if she isn't comfortable with bring friends with someone who fancies her. Please let us know how you get on, I wish you much happiness.
It sounds like you need some clarity. Maybe now's the time to have "the talk." You know... "we've been spending a lot of time together. I really like you. How do you feel about me? yada yada yada" Yeah, it's scary. But if it was me, I'd want to know, one way or another. One thing I've been learning in my "coming out later in life" support group is that women - in general, not in all cases - are used being in the passive, pursued role. So when it comes to 2 women, they might just continuously circle the drain so to speak, without one taking the lead. The other thing I've been learning is - many (not all) lesbians don't want to be a straight girl's "experiment." In that case, it's up to you to reassure her that you are queer and more serious than that. My point is - one of you has to bring it up. Is it going to be you or her? Are you willing to wait for her to do it if you're not the one who brings it up?
I have been trying to avoid making assumptions about people's intentions, actions and inactions. When I jump to conclusions, I'm usually wrong. If there's any question; better just to ask.
This is what I loathe about ambiguity. She seems to like you, but she doesnt seem all that interested. In cases like this I would just step back and become the responder. Even if you DID ask, you may not get an honest or insgihtful answer (SHE may not even know what she wants). So just respond as you see fit, and dont make plans around this person, ie dont wait for calls, dont not make plans with others because you have something tentative with her. If you dont do it this way you will 1. drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out and 2. waste precious time. ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2014 at 06:58 AM ---------- Oh gosh never mind. Old thread. OP what wound up happening?
Nothings happened...still circling the gray area. I've come to the conclusion that she doesn't know what she wants so I'm just giving her space to get things figured out. I spoiled her on her birthday...took her out for a nice meal, gave her "coupons" for things we like to do together. She told me several days in a row that she loved her birthday meal and presents and has used a couple already, so I know that went over well. It's just some of the conversations we have had lead me to believe she doesn't really know what she wants. Like I know she's casually dating this friend but she's never, ever mentioned her in any other fashion than a friend. Like even when we're all three together, they are never like all over each other or anything like that. Normally it's her and I that talk and the "friend" is just like the third wheel. I don't know. I guess I'm just trying to live by what they always say...when you chase something you'll never catch it but when you least expect it, that's when it happens. Just not trying to get my hopes up but she knows I'm there. Time will tell!
