I want to clarify something so I’m going to be very honest here. I know in my past post I talk about sex. I am not going to lie about it, I want to have sex with my boyfriend. Not because I am a slut or lust. I am just very sexually attracted to older guys. My boyfriend happens to be an older guy so I am sexually desire to be with him. [ BUT ] I want more to just be in love with him and him in love with me. I do believe we both are in love with each other and that has taken a strong first place over any sexual desires we have for each other. I want him to hold me in his arms. To make me feel loved and valued. Cloths fully on and no sexual touching. Just this older guy holding me in his arms because he loves me as a guy, as a person, as someone of value and meaning to him. Sex I have not yet had and so want it. Defiantly sex with an older guy, but if it comes down to it, I am wanting to just be loved and held by an older guy I love. Sounds incredibly stupid and silly maybe, but love to me out rules sex any day of the week. I can get sex, but I want love. Love is not as easy as sex to get and love means way more than sex. Anyways...
Nothing stupid or silly anywhere in there that I see. It's like you're channeling me or something. Sex is great in and of itself, but love and caring make the relationship so much deeper and that makes the sex that much better. So go snuggle up and cuddle if you want and bask in the love; when the time is right for sex it will happen and you'll enjoy it that much better for it being from a basis of love and trust and caring and not just hormonal passion.
Realistically, when you come right down to it, you spend an awful lot more time in a relationship not having sex, that you will having it, and (no matter how creative you are!), there's only so many times and places you can do it. Simple affection and holding and showing how you feel--that's something you can be much more open about, and it reminds you much more regularly of how close you are to the person. You can hold hands anywhere; you can snuggle in front of a movie or whatever for hours. Sex is great (says the guy who's never HAD sex with another guy! Oh well....), but as Tom said, it's the icing on the cake. The cake has to BE there first.
But you will have sex. Maybe not right away - is there anything that suggests your boyfriend will not have sex with you a little bit down the road? Or am I missing something? Just confused :icon_wink.
There is no reason to be ashamed of your sexual desires... You are a grown man. You and your boyfriend are consenting adults. When I read your posts, I get the sense of shame based on internalized homophobia. There is nothing to be ashamed of!
Thank you everyone for your replies and sharing your thoughts. I want to had that I am a little ashamed of my feelings as they are new and I am not sure how others will react to them. I am in love with my boyfriend. No questions about that. But I never been with a guy or in love with a guy before so these feelings are all new. How much of them should effect me or I should not hide? As to sex with my boyfriend. I know he will easily have sex with me and wants to. We both want to have sex with each other. So that is a locked in issue. Just want to make sure we love each other and not just lust over each other. Hugs me and hold me before you ‘bleep’ me. Best way I can say it.
Choirboy, never thought of that, but you are so right. Hug and hold me afterwards is just so good and important to. Thanks. You just made me smile
Oh, I see - I totally sympathise, as a 'straight' guy I was just interested in (theoretical) sex I suppose. But after coming out and realising the depth of my interpersonal, romantic and affectational desires, I kind of just want to kiss and cuddle - that would be amazing. Though I haven't even done that yet - hope to with my crush though!
YaraNunchuck, You got it right. Kiss and cuddle. I love the thought of having a guy hold me in his arms, us cuddling with each other and kissing. That alone is awesome and that is what I want. I want a guy to do these things to me. It makes me feel loved. What guy will love me without wanting sex? That is my concern and I do believe my boyfriend is the guy who will love me without demanding sex. More so, the kissing and holding and cuddling during sex only helps to turn sex into making love. And again, I want a guy who will make love to me. It’s not about sex. It’s about being loved by the guy I want, cloths on or off. You got some good feelings.
Max, beautifully said! I couldn't agree more (coming from a guy whose never had sex or even cuddled with another man... yet.)! /Ed. (*hug*)
