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Just came out to my 13-year-old

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Choirboy, Mar 15, 2014.

  1. Choirboy

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    I finally had some time alone with my youngest, and thought it was time to tell her I was gay. So I just said I wanted her to know something about me, and said it. She looked surprised, but didn't say much, other than, "Oh, just like Xxx", her cousin who is a lesbian. I explained that it was something I always knew but couldn't face, and fell in love with her mom and thought it would go away, but it never did. I asked if she wanted to talk about it and she said no, but she got up and started putting away her clean clothes (always a sign that her mind is working). I also told her that she could ask me if she had any questions, or her mom or her sister, because they both know. "Or my guidance counselor," she observed. And she went back to her homework.

    I could see wheels turning in her head as she tries to process this, and perhaps she will talk to the guidance counselor or her sister, but she said she was OK with it. So now I am out to the whole immediate family....
     
  2. HM03

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    Congrats! Must feel good :slight_smile: I'm sure she'll get more comfortable with the idea over time :slight_smile:
     
  3. StillAround

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    John, I am so proud of you! I think you handled it perfectly. And I think you're exactly right, that your daughter is processing this new information. At 13, her immediate concerns will be about this will affect her relationship with your and her mom. Her reaction--"just like Xxx"--is a good sign that she understands what you were saying, and that this isn't a negative thing for her. No "ick" factor for her.

    What a great outcome! Now breathe!

    (!)(!)(!)
     
  4. Richie.

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    OH my god!! So brave George!!! So brave!!!
     
  5. Tightrope

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    Whew. What a relief for you. And, yes, I'm sure her mind is processing and analyzing. She'll be fine, since it sounds like you have a good relationship with your daughters. Also, keep us up to date on developments as they unfold. I think the way you couched the explanation was also good.
     
  6. Clay

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    Congrats! Always wish I could say something more in these situations. I'm happy for you.
     
  7. VideoGameLover

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    Congratulations! It must be a relief to finally have that off your chest. From what I can see, she's probably still processing the news.

    But I'm very glad to hear she's accepting of it. :slight_smile:
     
  8. biAnnika

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    Twas the proverbial Leap of Faith...and properly done!

    She sounds wonderful, and (like each of us) will deal with this in her own way. Specifically, if *she* brought up her guidance counselor, then it's pretty clear that she is well aware of her own resources, and won't hesitate to seek help when and how she deems best. That's a remarkable testament to awesome parenting.

    You must be so proud...in so many ways. May that pride continue to grow. *hugs*
     
  9. Pete1970

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    Congratulations!!!

    Glad it went well.
     
  10. greatwhale

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    Congrats CB! Awesome!!!
     
  11. GayDadStr8Marig

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    how could your daughter be less awesome.than that? look.who her dad is!
     
  12. tscott

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    Congratulations...nothing else to add.
     
  13. Short n sweet

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    I also have a 13 year old daughter but I'm not "out" to anyone but my husband. I am not telling the children, maybe later in life, since our marriage is not effected. You handled that very well! I bet it is a weight off your shoulders. Well done :slight_smile:
     
  14. Penpal

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    So brave. Really pleased for you. You can live your life as you now without fear. That is fantastic. (*hug*)
     
  15. GayDadStr8Marig

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    so now that the news of your coming out to your daughter has had time to filter through to the rest of the family, has there been any further discussion of the topic? fallout from your daughter(s) or wife? hopefully it is a non-event as it should be, you're daughter is old enough to have picked up the differences in you and your relationship since you came out to your wife 6 months ago.
     
  16. Zeevie

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    Congratulations, that is fantastic! :grin:
     
  17. ClosetedFather

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    Congratulations... must fell great.
     
  18. Tightrope

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    That's interesting and, here, I'm not even referring to the sexual dynamics for a couple. Kids, when way younger than their early teens, can, in general, pick up on whether most of the dynamics and chemistry are good or bad between their parents.
     
  19. setnyx

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    congratulations on coming out to her and the fact that it sounds like she was brought up well.
     
  20. Choirboy

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    She didn't bring the subject up with me at all the rest of the day, and our conversations were as normal as ever. Her 16-year-old sister's reaction several months ago was acceptance but general disinterest. They're teenage girls, after all--they have their own priorities! I have mentioned a few things to my oldest - going to a support group, or potentially meeting an online friend in person, and she was very positive, but it's not part of her daily life or our daily conversations, and I expect it to stay that way with the youngest as well. Her life is gymnastics, homework and boys right now.

    Her immediate fear, I'm pretty sure, is divorce. She's got a very clear preference for me, and has said in the past (very much out of the blue) that if we ever divorced and she got "stuck" with her mother, she'd run away. And I did make a point of telling her that while we have no idea how this will play out over time, Mom has known for months and obviously, we're still together and I haven't up and left.

    This is pretty huge for me, though, because I can be much more open at home, and if I want to go to the local Pride festival or head to Six Flags with a friend for the Night Out in the Park, I won't have to be secretive about why I'm going, or make up some lame excuse or half-truth because not everyone knows. And I can be more open in what I say in general, which means that my wife and I can start leaving the holding pattern we've been in. It's all good.