Shy and friendless

I can relate but I am 18

 

Hi Supershy... No need to feel shy on here! You will find loads of people with experience of SA at some time. Have you sought professional advice about it ?

 

Welcome to the site. There are lots of friendly people on here. I'm quite shy although I have improved since I had children. I found I had something in common with people then. Here if you need to talk. X

 

Sometimes talking to the right people can change your outlook on life .there are days when I have been really down until someone started to talk to me and make me feel good

 

Hi,

I understand. I could most likely pick out all of your social minefields, the places you avoid, and the pre-emotive strategies and planning you employ to create escape hatches for yourself.

You are no mystery to me.

People who are not familiar with social anxiety will gloss it over, tell you it is nothing, just get over it. They would never say that to a depressed person would they.

Maybe one of the worse things is somebody pushing you, thinking they are helping you, when in reality they are simply ramping up your anxiety, and all you want is to escape.

First... Baby steps, followed by more baby steps, and only you know what is a reasonable reach for you.

Second... Do you have any gregarious friends. Ask to tag along. Live in the periphery of their social glow. Push yourself to do baby steps when you are comfortable.

Third... Study how your friend interacts. What social tools and levers he employs and their timing. Let him be your training wheels.

Fourth... If it takes a social drink take it. Never get drunk.

A lot of this is observational and baby steps.

I doubt it will ever disappear but you can learn to manage it.

Tom

 

Your among friends now.. Treat us as such!! Every day is a new day!!

 

Hi SuperShy I hear ya. I'm very shy. I work on it. I think people assume shyness is something you outgrow. Nope. Being out for a year I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. It's hard making friends in your 40's. Let's not even talk about finding a date....
Your not alone. (*hug*)

 

I can relate, I've also suffered from SA, depression etc. most of my life. Sometimes it's difficult for me just to go to the grocery store because I'm so nervous around other people. I constantly feel like I'm being judged and have almost no confidence because of it. Over the past few years i have made some progress though. Since i have come out to a friend and my boyfriend as lesbian I'm starting to feel better about myself. I don't feel like i have to hide parts of my personality around them. Are you out to anyone?

 

I started of by slowly making friends and starting conversations

 

You are very brave coming out to your family. It's great that you have come on here to share your story. I'm no expert in your condition, I had problems with being shy as a teenager but it was nothing like what you are describing. I really feel for you and feel that you need to find the right person to help you. Could your family members that know about your condition and sexuality perhaps help you find a lgbt councillor that you could talk to. I am seeing one that is helping me to become more assertive as I surround myself with dominant people. She has been really helpful and isn't at all pushy. I found her online, it was very easy to arrange. I do have to pay though. I think you will get a lot of support on here there are some lovely people. Keep posting its a step in the right direction. (*hug*)

 

I think Skiff is right it is about baby steps.

If you get an invitation to go somewhere - and you find yourself about to make some excuse not to go - catch yourself and say "Yes, I'd love to go..."

If the phone rings ... and you hesitate picking it up... catch yourself and make yourself pick it up..

SA is a pain. Have you looked in to CBT? I believe it can be a most effective type of therapy for it.

 

Yeah, I'm so glad i found this pace too. Since you don't have any friends you can talk to a therapist is a great start. I'm in therapy now and have been for years and only recently came out to her. We haven't talked a whole lot about it yet, but she said it helped her to understand me better. It's great to have her to talk to about my anxiety that surrounds my every day life and it is helping. Hang in there shy. It can get better, but requires a lot of self work. It's great that you came out to your family. You said your mom acts like you said nothing, is she any different around you now?

 

SuperShy,
Social anxiety is so overwhelmingly common, but people don't seem to talk about it or recognize it very much.

To borrow from Alcoholic's Anonymous, I stand by "fake it 'til you make it." I'm not a huge promotor of everything AA does, but that particular strategy works. ACT like you're at ease, and it will help.

The other technique I like is "role modeling." Look for someone who seems at ease in social situations and do what they do. Easier said than done, but it helps. I still think back to a friend from college (we're still good friends). He has unthinkably good social skills, and I often just watch how he'll navigate a party or similar event.

I think that socially anxious people are often reassured to know that so many people around them feel the same way. It's just hard to notice. You are most certainly not alone.