I'm fairly young, so it might seem strange that I'm on this side of the forum but I figure you guys are the best people to ask. I've only recently come to accept myself, and feel kind of stuck. I'm from a culture where gay people are either stoned to death or just shunned completely. I'm not really in a position to live on my own, partly due to financial reasons but mostly because I'm...not allowed. It sound weird, but in my culture the parents have the final say, no matter how old you are, and it's really hard to let go of that mentality. I really feel uncomfortable because I feel dishonest to myself and to others, but it's the only way I can stay safe. If you see me, you'd see a really conservative Muslim woman, not an agnostic theist genderqueer pansexual who wants to wear jeans and a hoodie ALL THE TIME, sport tattoos on their body and show off pale blue hair. Vanity is the least of my concerns, but I just want to know that... I can be in public totally honest and open. I refuse to date while I'm closeted, just because it seems really messy, but I'm really jealous of all the happily out people I see every day. Life is certainly not easy, but at least that's not one of their concerns. I also feel like my mom is slowly catching on, which really scares me. what's it like to be fully out later in life? Does it get easier with time?
Every passing day has seen my fears, anxiety, & doubts fade away, every day is brighter since coming out & coming to terms with who I really am. I have a more zest for life, and more outgoing. I may get stares during the day, I pay them no mind, because for every person who is looking at me with a weird gaze, 2 people compliment me
That's actually a really beautiful outlook you have. It must feel so liberating and refreshing just being able to be yourself both inside and out. I am self-conscious by nature, but people are judgmental regardless, right? . I'm also just noticing how... annoying my labels look. Like, they're such a mouthful. I'm really looking forward to living life as positively as you described. I am nervous about my family, but a lot of it is being afraid of what they think. I don't think they'd actually physically harm me, but the shunning thing kind of unnerves me. I'm actually really excited about life and the support system I'll find outside the closet, though I probably won't be out in the immediate future. It'll happen, though, and I thank you for your kind words.
I'm not part of the "later in life" stage, but I wanted to chime in, too. I began a gay relationship when I was 14, uncontrollably outed at 16, lived as a relative hermit until I was 18. Since I moved to Portland, I've held hands, kissed, and hugged with my fiance in public. It's an odd experience-- I was surprised how confident I was, considering how many years I spent fully aware of my sexuality but indifferent to the expression of it. In many ways, it feels liberating, terrifying, natural, and beautiful. The alternative-- pretending my fiance is just a friend-- feels so shackling and deceitful. :\ For me, personally, being "out" is a very comfortable feeling. For instance, I wear my favorite pink shirt, wear an unusually tight pair of pants, listen to Gaga and Kesha, and style my hair (common "gay" symptoms, lol). I allow the stares and judgments as they arise-- come what may. This idea of relinquishing control and accepting a "come what may" attitude has been very beneficial. It's helped me appreciate my own insignificance in the world, but the value certain qualities about me has in my own, little world. I dunno. Forgot to answer the second question. Yes, it does get easier with time. I never came from a homophobic upbringing, or negative surroundings. But for a few years (because of reasons not associated gay bashing) I was very shy and awkward in expressing affection-- to anyone-- in public, especially to a man I was interested in. Once I moved here, it all stopped. Once my fiance walked off that plane, I kissed him in the middle of the airport while everyone stared. It was a sudden, terrifying and absolute stop. But it did stop; and get easier.
This! Love it! I feel so connected with the gay men community simply because of stuff like this. Before I came out my Kesha, Gaga & Perry were kinda kept hidden lol but now that I am a woman, it is out and proud lol also tight pants when I am not in the mood for a skirt which is rare! xD I think anyone under the LGBT banner (who is publicly out) can agree on the satisfaction of coming out, and the nervousness of the first few days of what people "may think" but it starts to fall to the back of your mind, eventually you stop worrying about what they may think, and then Life seems so perfect
Sasha, I know you could use a hug right now.... so I'm sending you a number of hugs (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)... I do understand your situation because I am an EXPAT residing in a Muslim country and I certainly know how hard this is for you, most especially with your beliefs and culture. I wonder where are you residing? Anyhow, you need not to answer if you are uncomfortable. Just know that you are not alone in this struggle. I wish I could really help, but in time things will get better. See you around!
Hello Sasha and welcome to the EC family. I can relate to your situation on the level of religion, I happen to be Muslim. I was born and raised fully in my faith and I am still very much apart of it, it is a strong aspect of my life. It was very difficult for me to "come out", but I knew for my own sanity I had to do it. I was in the closet for most of my adult life and it deadened me inside to a point. On most days I could get pass the depression and guilt I felt, but then some days were just bad. Well after a divorce several years ago and being in another heterosexual relationship for the past 6 yrs., I decided it was time to stop pushing my true feelings away. The day I was able to say out loud to myself that I am just who I am, was one of the best days of my life. I then decided to "come out" to some members of my family. The support I received was absolutely amazing. I no longer feel depressed or guilty about my feelings, I have accepted and embrace my new journey in life. It is a feeling of complete elation and liberation. I can only look at my time in the closet as being great in the sense that I do have one very wonderful child from my past heterosexual life. I do still have some ways to go and many more steps to take, and I am looking forward to all of it. I do know that in your current situation it is very difficult for you to be able to be your full self, and my heart goes out to you. I pray that someday soon you will have that moment when you will be able to open the door and step out into this glorious world of ours and be as free as you want to be. Please keep in mind that you are not alone and that you have friends here...I wish you all the luck on your journey...many hugs (*hug*)
I really appreciate all the support! Emkorora I get what you mean about relinquishing control, and I'm really striving to get to that point where I can let everything happen naturally. You sound really happy with your fiance and with being out in general , and that really encourages me tbh. Deejay! (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Thank you! Yeah, I did need a hug. I'm actually not living in a Muslim country right now, I'm in Canada. I'm a second generation immigrant, and my family is all from Somalia. It's probably not nearly as hard as those living full time in a Muslim country, but my family has plans to send me to Somalia this summer for an undetermined length of time because I'm "straying" from their religion and culture. MiAngel: Thank you for your prayers! I get what you mean about Islam being a big part of your life. Even now, there are a lot of things I simply can't let go of due to habit. I am really proud of you though, and you truly make me feel welcome. The thing is, I've fully accepted that I'm gay. I'm not ashamed in the slightest and literally the only thing holding me back is my family. That said, I one day hope to step fully out of the closer and embrace life like you are. (*hug*)(*hug*)
Not too keen on Canadian laws (I will assume they are pretty lax because of internet memes(I kid =p)) but if it like America... you can say no to them sending you to Somalia. This isn't Somalia, so you parents can't really make you do anything they please simply because it is the way of life in Somalia =) Sure they may get angry over that fact, but Islam should be taken like any other religion, it should be up to the individual how they want to practice it.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! I'm glad you've found us here. Edmonton, Alberta, Canada isn't the most accepting place in the world, but it isn't the least either. If I were you, I'd be coming up with all kinds of reasons not to go to Somalia. And how can they send you for an undetermined length of time?!? Sign up for college or something - and then sign up for summer school - and make sure that you can't leave the country. (Burn / lose your passport - do whatever you need to!) At 18, you're an adult, and nobody can force you to do anything. I mean - honestly - not to offend anyone - but if you're already in Canada - one of the safest and most accepting countries in the world - why in the world would you want to travel to Somalia?!? I'm glad to hear that you have accepted your orientation. That's a huge step. I can also understand the fear and aprehension around coming out to family. My family NEVER gave any indication that they wouldn't be supportive, yet it still took me 9 months to come out to my parents - and I was 36!! So I get that. Plan to keep this to yourself for a while longer. But look into what your options are. Could you get away for school? Can you go on your own? Are your parents supportive of you getting an education? (I fear the answer is no.) To answer your question - it does get better. Being able to live an open and honest and authentic life feels amazing. Life continues to have challenges - but everyone's life, straight or gay, presents challenges. Good luck!
