Greetings folks, There's a documentary by Robert Weide called: Woody Allen: A Documentary This was aired on PBS in 2011 and it ended with the following passage as told by Woody himself: "When I look back on my life, I've been very lucky that I've lived out all these childhood dreams," he says in the conclusion of the forthcoming PBS American Masters documentary that chronicles his life. Allen goes on to enumerate his accomplishments in acting, directing, comedy, and jazz clarinet. "There was nothing in my life that I aspired toward that hasn't come through for me. But despite all these lucky breaks, why do I still feel that I got screwed somehow?" That final statement echoed with me (with all due regard to the recent allegations of child abuse, which he denies). A lot of us are dealing with people who expect life to be fair. Maybe we ourselves expect that (I don't by the way, I learned a long time ago that this is a recipe for disaster). Woody refers, of course, to the ultimate unfairness, the fact that we will die. We Later-in-Lifers often have to deal with regret: for past actions, and for the reactions of others to what we did or haven't done. But insistence on fairness, that life should not be like that, is to be stuck in a kind of childhood fantasy. Maturity has a lot to do with accepting life as it is and facing it. I suppose we can spend our lives shaking our fists at the sky for being gay, for being "different", for being hated; but I have this one life to live and only so much time on the planet...it's unfair, I know, but right now the sun is shining through my office window and I can feel its warmth on my face; I am breathing quietly. This moment is all I truly have and I am savouring it.
Very well said, I have often thought about how my life would be if I wasn't gay but I realise now that I can't think like that. I can't change who I am and I have to be happy being gay and make positive decisions for my life. I do regret some things in the past but I now have to focus on the future and make the most of things.
The fact that, at our ages, we have the opportunity to re-evaluate our lives, consider what we've done wrong and make changes for the better, and look for love and happiness and fulfillment, is a pretty remarkable gift when you think about it. If, at 52, I still have the chance of having even some of what I didn't have at 22, I have to say that seems more than fair to me, and I'm grateful for it.
I don't dwell on whether these things are fair or not, I accept things as they are. It could be argued another way: that living is a kind of absurd game and the rules (so much time and no more) are "fair" enough!
More to the point however, is the necessity of dealing with people who are under the erroneous assumption that life should be fair. I find this quite troublesome in many of my relationships and interactions with people (both past and current).
I believe life can't be fair. It's not a living creature. But WE need to do our best to be fair to the people around us.
Of course life is not fair. Everyone ain't come this world equally(those are born with mental or physical disabilities, those born into poor and of course us outcasts). Equality/Justice, for me are things invented by humans for humans. As individuals we should try to tip the scales whenever there is an innocent suffering. When I was a teenager I was mad at God for creating me as gay... letting me start life at -1... in years I made my peace. Now I am glad I born this way. I am lucky God made me who I am so I can see things, beautiful things which many people can be blind.
I've always liked the phrase, "the cards you are dealt." The cards I ended up with were "gay" and "short" There's no right or wrong, no value judgment. They're immutable characteristics. I'd really like to be straight, and I'd like to be taller. I don't "love who I am," but I also know that some things will never change. Women and basketball are both permanently out of the question. Some people reach this "pride" phase, which does not resonate with me. I don't have "short pride," "nearsighted pride," and no "gay pride." Some people, especially freshly out of the closet, have this "rejection/immersion" phase. "Everything I do is gay." I'm not deceiving anyone, but I just can't become a flag waver. I was just dealt a gay card, and I can't trade it in.
I don't even understand what it would *mean* for life to be fair. I mean, what exactly did you invest for what you got? You've got a body. May not be the one you want...but I don't remember paying for mine. As far as I know, it was free. If it didn't come in a shape, color, or sexuality I might have preferred...what do I want for nothin'? A bunch of stuff happens here, some of which is pleasant, and some of which sucks. But you at least have the illusion of free will to try to pursue the pleasant things as well as you think best. What? It's not fair because the game takes place on an unpleasant "playing field" (not the planet itself but the circumstances...some people are in fact born in slavery...but still have the ability to seek happiness)? Research even bears out that many poor people (including some born in slavery) perceive themselves to be quite happy, while many of the rich complain of being miserable...so you can't even claim opportunity (at least in terms of finance or freedom) as uneven, if you view happiness as the goal. Basically every person, rich, poor, free, not, gay, straight...we all have the ability to pursue happiness. Yeah, it's hard not being straight...but y'know I don't see all that many happy straight people out there either, dammit. Tells me all I need to know about the nature of the game. We *all* have the ability to seek happiness. If you think you'll be happier in the closet, you're free to pursue that option...if you find yourself to be mistaken, you are free to choose another path, at any time. It's hard? Whose lot isn't? Woody Allen's? He seems to think it is...who am I to say he's wrong...if he thinks he's unhappy, then isn't he? I guess I just find it hard to find unfairness of *life*. Of people, yes...of the systems that people create, sure (because many people pursue their own happiness at the expense of others)...but of life? I don't see it.
Bravo BiAnnika! It is possible for people and entities to victimize others, but life is such a wonderful adventure. There are people who have endured so much more than the repression of their sexuality - and smiled at the gift of life with a heart of gratitude. Many of us have children, and I think some wonderful married years to look back on. Or we may have a string of personalities we've had the fortune to be in relationship with. How can that be getting screwed. We can always view and understand what is unfair, but not to the exclusion of what is perfectly blissful (which may have been this beautiful day we just had).
