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Unexpected problem of coming out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Molly1977, Mar 28, 2014.

  1. Molly1977

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    Hello everyone,

    This may be a bit of a non issue as I know lots of people have far bigger problems than this but I am annoyed with myself.

    Since coming out I have been going to lots of LGBT events and have been very focused on meeting up with my Gay friends in my home town. The problem is I don't seem to be taking much notice of my old group of friends. As soon as there is an LGBT event I will go to it and really look forward to it, but an event with my old friends I will quite often forget about it or decide not to go. For example, my friend bought tickets to a local theatre but I wasn't that bothered about going so I just agreed and forgot about it. Then I remembered I am double booked for that night, I am already at an event in London.

    I keep on doing this, I can't stop talking about my new gay group of friends and joining in with everything that is going on but am completly neglecting my old friends. I know this is a silly problem I'm just feeling a bit of an idiot and I also don't want my old friends to think I don't still like them. I'm just so obsessed with the LGBT stuff that is going on that I forget about my straight friends. I suppose as this is still new to me the excitement of meeting lots a gay people should ware off soon and I will remember my old friends.

    Sorry for the very silly problem, I know people have far bigger things they are dealing with than a hectic social life, just anoyed with myself. :eusa_doh:

    Molly x
     
  2. greatwhale

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    It's not silly at all, I think it is quite normal to be enthusiastic about something as fascinating as joining a new community. I am also in that mode and it sometimes amuses my "gay-lifer" friends when I talk about what I am involved in.

    But like anything else, balance is necessary. All friendships need to be maintained or they die eventually, so do make an effort to get back into their lives and, yes, talk with them about the LGBT stuff, but do ask them about their lives too, be genuinely interested; they are also probably undergoing struggles, relationship issues and all the other stuff life will throw at us.
     
  3. Molly1977

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    Thanks for the advice, I'm just feeling a little bit silly. Having waited so long to get involved with anything LGBT related I feel like I am making up for lost time. I feel like I have finally found what is right for me, like I have been going in the wrong direction for years and someone has finally poined me the right way and I just want to keep going and going.

    I also need to remember all my lovely friends who have been supporting me when I was feeling lost and alone. :slight_smile: I do need both groups of people in my life.
     
  4. Penpal

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    Hi Molly, I don't think it is silly either. It is very easy to lose yourself in a new life. I can think of many situations when I have done this. However your friends will understand this if you tell them. It is important that you continue with your new group of friends, you need to establish some solid friendships there. They will be important for your future. Maybe you need to arrange something with your old friends where you can explain to them you are aware you have neglected them a little bit but because you are finding yourself. Tell them what they mean to you I'm sure they will be supportive. Arrange a day with your old friends, make them know you still want them in your life and nothing will ever change that.

    Don't ever belittle your problems. Everyone need support in life. :slight_smile: x(*hug*)
     
  5. RainbowMan

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    I don't think that it's silly either - a lot of the time my old friends will be like "haven't seen you around lately" if I don't show up at the (straight) bar that I always go to. I'll be completely honest with them and tell them where I've been, and they completely understand, but its weird nonetheless.

    Actually I remember when telling one of them that I was going to gay beer club, they were like "and that's different from a night at <bar name> how? Oh, I guess there are a few heterosexuals to deal with :grin:" I will admit that the straight bar that I go to is owned by a gay guy, and there are other gay clientele there, so the comment wasn't entirely out of place :grin:
     
  6. azure au

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    I can understand how this is happening. Reaching out to others from the lgbti community is a big step. its great you have so many existing friendships and its clear you value them else you wouldn't be feeling bad. As others have said its probably about balance. I think in time you will find it.

    Maybe while you have so many things on it would be easier for you to approach old friends about catching up that way you can try and meet at times that suit your calendar. Just sharing an hour with a friend for coffee helps keep you both feeling connected. I hope you find a way to resolve your double booking
     
  7. Molly1977

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    Thanks for the messages. I'm going out on tonight to a straight bar then on Wednesday with my gay group of friends. I can't wait until Wednesday :icon_wink it will be good to meet up with people again.

    I think the reason why I am so enthusiastic about my gay nights out is that I want the whole process of being gay to speed up. Like i want to do everything all at once, go to bars, meet gay people, have a relationship and especially have sex. I feel like I have wasted enough time and want to get going with this.