I feel so WORTHLESS... =(

I have often found myself in difficult, frustrating and even infuriating circumstances, but I've learned a while back that nothing, absolutely nothing stays the same for very long.

Just this thought: that everything is temporary, provisional, complex and impermanent has helped me endure some really tough moments...Winston Churchill said it best: "When you're going through hell, just keep going."

As for a purpose, try to give that up too, we seek purpose to give meaning to our lives, but purposes and grand Goals only enslave us to ideals that blind us. What I'm saying is, worry about purpose is misplaced, worry more about whether you are living and working your best work today. Even if it is a crappy job and you have an intolerable boss, do your best work anyway, whatever it is. You will find that when a door closes, a window opens and new opportunities, new relationships (if you are attentive enough by living today and not thinking too much about tomorrow), will present themselves.

 

Your happiness does not have to be determined by how much money you make or on how good your relationship is with an individual. Sense of worth comes from your values. Your values, really anyone's values can be a ongoing search and discovery. Once you have a grasp of your values you can then make goals to achieve the bigger picture of things.

Relationship and work is two separate things. If you're unhappy about your job, look for another one. Yes it won't be easy and it can take awhile, but it will be worth it right? Perhaps you may want to seek assistance from career centres or job fairs that offers free resume consultation. Or perhaps you lack the network of people that can help you, in that case you will need to make more friends.

Relationship is not as methodological as work, but the more you date you gain more experience. You talked about how you trust the wrong people and how your relationship "always hang on a balance", but you have learned from those experience. Painfully as it maybe, you're a wiser person today than yesterday, right?

I recently read the book called the "Happiness Trap". From the book I learned that Happiness is not 1 dimensional - to be happy is to make room for the unhappy stuff as well. Happiness is to experience the full range of the emotional spectrum.

You are just experiencing the sad, despair and feeling worthless chapter of your life, but just remember to pick yourself up. Life is too short to feel shitty for what happened yesterday. Live in the now because you can change what you want to do today, not tomorrow or yesterday.

Hugs*

 

Hang in there. I think a substantial number of people feel worthless or like they've wasted their time at some point in their lives. I know I've struggled with this and Wyeth the purpose in life question many times.

What are things that you enjoy doing? Can you incorporate them into your life more? For me, I love being outdoors and particularly hiking and camping. While I can't hit the trails every day or even every week I do try to find a way to be outside as often as I can (even if that just means sitting on the patio while the children play outside) or researching new gear it's new trails. I think about hiking every single day.

Find your thing(s) that you enjoy. Do you feel better and more like you have direction in life when you're doing that activity?

Remember every day is a new opportunity to do things different, better, in a way that makes you happier. I know it can be really, really hard to get moving but I bet you'll have a great time once you start.

 

This is nice. But I wonder, if you don't have any goals, will you ever move forward in your life? It almost seems to be fatalistic to me. There are many crossroads in our lives, and if you don't have any goal or purpose, how can you be comfortable with making the decision? Or even be able to make that decision?

 

you are not worthless and neither is your post, both are touching and helping people you don't even know. i feel this way at times too. you're not alone in this. things do get better but we need to be open to it and know we do deserve it.

 

Fundamental difference in approach, Nick. If you don't have goals, then no, you won't move [forward] toward goals. But that is not (to me) the same as moving forward in life. You cannot help moving forward in life. We grow. We are always growing, living, experiencing things...progressing.

Also, removing goal-oriented thinking is not the same as living a purposeless existence...unless the only purpose you can envision is the attainment of certain goals...which seems rather limited to me.

To the OP, I'm with setnyx on the "this post touches people you don't know and aren't hearing from in ways you can't imagine." This too is the nature of life. And you as a person are the same way. You've experienced so much, grown so much, shared so much with the world...how can you think you've not done anything? Oh, damn, you didn't cure cancer or have a #1 hit single or become a leading political activist. I wonder how many of us here have? Certainly not me. Surely you don't think *we're* all worthless too? Then give yourself a break, along with everyone else.

Or as Osho puts it:

"You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. That's what gives you dignity, that the whole existence will miss you. The stars and sun and moon, the trees and birds and earth--everything in the universe will feel a small place is vacant which cannot be filled by anybody except you.

This gives you a tremendous joy, a fulfillment that you are related to existence, and existence cares for you. Once you are clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions."

I wish you peace and joy, inside and out.

 

It's important to make distinctions between goals and Goals, of course the former are needed, it isn't as if we wake up with nothing to do, but "purpose in life" is quite another matter.

If we ask "what is my function" then we are asking to be used. If we devote ourselves to grand ideals, grand Goals to give meaning to our lives, we tend to lose who we are. I myself lived that way, adhering for far too long to an ideal of sexuality and marriage that did not suit me.

I would rather live my life making it up as I go along, this isn't nihilism, it's facing reality. Were I to build a house or write a book, definite goals, I would take each moment on that journey as part of the fabric of my life, so that each moment doing these things is being lived completely, moment by moment.

A life can be composed as one composes a work of art, it's the whole picture of it that counts, and how each part fits together. It can be a life of delight to live fully in the moment, and to treat each day as a gift...that is the proper way to love.

 

First off, you are not worthless (*hug*) I know exactly how you feel, am feeling it myself. I'm 27, making good money with my current job but it isn't what I want to do anymore. Am trying to figure out what to do with my life from here on out. Do I go with a different new career, do I become a mother, I just don't know. It's easy to say just do what you like to do, but it's not always easy to get paid to do it, whatever that is. 33 is not too late to start over, if you can figure out what you want to do.

 

Too late to start over?
Don't say that to a few people on the EC. This place is all about starting over!
Deej; I've seen the things you post here for others - You couldn't possibly be worthless. Your heart is wide open, and sometimes that hurts, and gauges of success in society can't tough that.
When you feel that tug on your self esteem, one very simple thing to do is 'do.' Stagnancy sits on the right hand of depression. Spend just a little time thinking about the difference between a simple job, and a true vocation. Then go do anything that might lend towards that vocation (if you wish you could garden, go sit someplace green or growing). Not all vocations make money, but they all fulfill.

I'd send you some of those huggers characters, but I haven't figured out why they are sometimes available on the screen and sometimes not. They aren't there now. In the meantime, I'm tall and thin, but have strong arms. Imagine me lifting you up and spinning you in a circle hug.

Ted

 

Ello Prince...going Advanced, or quoting text gives you the smilies (quoting automatically puts you in Advanced mode).

Deejay, on Prince's behalf, and my own as well:

(*hug*)(&&&)(!)(&&&)(*hug*)

 

Yes. The universe is an inherently chaotic place. Life, by it's nature, imposes order on chaos. My purpose is to impose order where exists chaos.

No. You are having an existential crisis. Way too young for a mid-life crisis.

Welcome to the club. I currently clean ass for a living. And I mean that in a very literal sense. I change diapers on adults too old to change themselves.

I would like to point out that if you have a history for making bad choices, then you should get a second opinion before making the choice to "vanish". Just saying, that's sounding like a bad choice, ya know?

I doubt you wasted 30 years of your life. You have learned to master the english language. You have the ability to formulate thought. You don't drool on yourself or throw whatever you have in your hand. Trust me, in comparison to my clients, you are frickin' Einstein.

Take a multi-vitamin. Review your nutritional intake. Eat some chocolate (dark). Consider cardio. Drink more fluids. We could all drink more fluids.

Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. If the world was fair, that would mean everything bad that happened to you was your fault. Since the world is UNFAIR, that means it isn't your fault. You are NOT a bad person because bad things happen to you.

 

vent all you need to.just getting those scary thoughts out in the open will help at least a little, everytime. there is strength in numbers and as always i'm here for you, among others of course.