Coming out update

Bigeagle,

First of all, congratulations. Here's a pat on the back (or hug) from the other side of the Atlantic.

I think it's totally reasonable to use the term "sexuality issues." Yes, it's a euphemism. But if the choice is between using a euphemism or remaining silent, choose the former.

I've talked to many guys about their experiences with their friends and families. It's entirely unpredictable. Some of the most conservative parents get a "shock to the system" and respond well. Others take some time, but they relax and respond with sensitivity, curiosity, or a mix thereof.

My parents were unbelievably awful. They were dyed-in-wool liberals, committed to social justice in every way... just not when it came to me. My mother thought it would be easier if I were dead. But that was in 1996, and much of the world has evolved.

Despite the damning response from my parents, I think it is always better to take the risk and tell them. My ex still refuses to tell his parents, and he's 35. I mean--he used to have a sewing machine and wore Capri pants in high school. His mother would probably have a dramatic and religious response, but she would probably be relieved. I was known as a "friend," even though we lived together. I'm sure his father had figured this out.

In a broader sense, I think many people mellow as they grow older. And the staunch anti-gay voices in the US and the UK have lost the wind from their sails. It's harder for parents and family members to find anti-gay rhetoric in the media and in religious institutions.

Again, congratulations on moving forward.

 

Congratulations for coming out to them. When I told my parents that my wife and I were separating, I didn't have the nerve to tell them then that I was gay. Instead when they asked why I said "The reasons are personal and we'd rather not discuss them." It took me 9 more months to get the nerve up to tell them.

So you're doing just fine.

You maybe need to work on you - and figure out what the hang up is with identifying as gay. It isn't a bad word at all - unless you think it is.

 

I told my parents a week after telling my wife and they've been nothing but supportive. I drove 5 hours to tell them face to face. I sat them down and prefaced it by explaining that I'd been depressed for a long time and finally admitted to myself the reason why. They knew I had something big to tell them and I think they were relived that it wasn't something more serious. They're liberal and not at all homophobic so I was fairly certain of a positive reaction, so your mileage may vary. Wishing you the best.

 

Wow! I am very happy for you (!)That is awesome :eusa_danc

 

I can only imagine the relief you must be feeling. Congratulations

 

Bigeagle, you have been told all your life that there is something wrong about being gay; no wonder that this message has become internalized. Let the intellectual part of your brain tell the emotional part of your brain, that this is false, that there is nothing wrong about being gay or short or black or red-headed, or anything else in the palette of differences that nature created. It is just another difference and variation in the human composition, and it has fallen on you to carry this particular difference. You did not choose it and you don't have to be embarrassed that other people have trouble dealing with it. You are getting your life in order to become your authentic self, and "gay" is just the term used to describe your sexuality, not a put down, unless you choose to let it be. Don't.