I'm in this situation now where I'm wondering where my depression stemmed from. The answer is probably both, but the question still boggles me. Did I 'come out' because I finally decided my marriage was over, or did I decide my marriage was over because I was ready to come out? I just don't know at the moment. There are odd moments in these last two weeks since I 'told my wife I no longer intended to pretend I was straight' (she pretty much knew I was gay but it was a totally off limits subject). Her reaction was to return to our marriage. The amazing woman I married that has been punishing me and gradually extracting me from her life over a period of 10 years, just returned, whole and intact, when I told her I was going to leave. And, I'm really happy about that...when I'm not totally bummed. I'm wondering if I decided to go live the much more natural-to-me gay life I turned away from only because I was tired of being unwanted in my marriage. But...the reason she was punishing me and cutting me out is certainly related to the fact that for 20 years, I didn't commit to loving her like a woman needs to be loved. But...I actually have learned how to love her that way, and can offer that to her now (I'm marching forth with John's catchy tagline for me as 'gay with one crossover woman'). Since she wasn't willing to participate, I might have just figured I'd go give that more mature love to some guy who both understood me and liked me. So, my question is something like - what is your experience...Gay Chicken or Dysfunctional Egg - or both? Ted
