I am not out but there is someone who could possibly be and is wanting to connect up with me and who know's how far that can go. I don't sleep around so any prospected partners in my mind is long term. The only thing is I am not ready to come out. I will have to tell her that too. But I would hate to be someones hidden lover/partner and I think its unfair to even start up this with her with that in mind. I have just come out of a marriage (male to female) I have always known that I am Bi maybe even gay, but have never acted on it and kept that pushed down. I am now ready in mind and spirit to act on this "hidden" part of me and I am free to do so (no longer in a marriage and single) BUT yep, like I said not ready to come out to my family. Any advice or experience would be great. Thanks x
I am in exactly that kind of relationship right now. My gf is a lesbian and is out to everyone in fact she has been since she was young. When our relationship started to change from friendship I worried a lot about asking her to be secretive. I saw it as disrespectful to her. I won't lie, sometimes it really worries me. However, she told me that nearly every gay or bi person has been in the closet somewhere sometime. She completely understands and she supports me in finding the right time and way to come out to my family. I guess what I am saying is talk to her. Explain the situation and let her make her own decision about how she would feel hiding your relationship. Although I have always been aware I was bi I continued to deny it until I met her. I am now out to a bunch of friends. Family will be next and soon. Good luck
Thanks azure au xx I think at the moment the only way we could be is in that way. My family especially my dad (I am a grown woman/mum but still fear him) are what I can see and have learnt to be very anti LGBT. I have been married twice and my first husband has now come out as transgender m to f and is going through transition and that is within the last year. My dad said he would shoot him if he saw him in the street. So thats my dad....... My first husbands two children, (my two eldest children of four) are fine with it and very open minded. I brought them up that way! Even my eldest son said to me not long ago "that he didn't mind if I was lesbian" I think we were generally talking about LGBT because of his dad at the time. Its just my family, Dad, brothers and sisters. I do feel to be open and live freely I will have to move away, but I just can't do that at the moment.
Hey, I kinda really like a woman who I'm crazy about (even though I barely even know her) and I think she's closeted. If anything was to ever happen with us then, yeah I'd be frustrated that I couldn't be myself with her in public, but I'd have to respect her feelings. Sometimes you have to be sensitive to how the other person feels about a situation so if this prospective partner really likes you, and wants a future with you then I'm sure they would want you to be comfortable and enjoy the time you spent together. Just enjoy yourself, have a good time, get to know each other and when your ready to come out, she should be there for you. XXX
I think being out is someone's decision, but if I were being honest, I wouldn't date a closeted person. I want a happy long-term relationship with someone who isn't afraid to hide me and is comfortable in their own skin. I don't think being in the closet is healthy for the other partner either, especially if they're out. Now that doesn't mean I'd force someone to come out, but I could only be friends until they think they are ready. I understand coming out is a huge thing and can even make you lose your family and friends. You have to be ready on your own terms. But it can still be a lot of baggage for the other partner to deal with. I think of closeted people like I think of extremely depressed or suicidal people looking for a relationship with me. I sympathize and respect their feelings, I would never do anything they wouldn't wish of me, and as a friend I'd try to help them the best I could. But in both cases I don't think these people are truly ready for a relationship, because they still have to work their issues out with themselves. Some people can date and respect closeted people, and that's great. Maybe you'd find one. But I just couldn't. I've dated lots of closeted people, and it made me feel depressed that I couldn't share that relationship with others. I do understand that coming out is hard, but I don't want to be hidden away like I'm a shameful thing. I can wait for someone to come out, but I don't want the relationship part until after that happens.
To me a relationship cannot only be a private arrangement, it cannot survive long under that regime. We are not lost on desert islands. Part of what actually gives a relationship its legitimacy is its public context. I know that any relationship I would be in is brought to another level the moment it is made public, when my partner's family and friends know who I am and what I mean to him, I feel more involved in his life and in his other significant relationships, it's as simple as that. It is an indignity to be kept a secret.
I say just come out whenever you're ready, take your time and until then, just pretend you're in that notebook movie or something, that could be an adventure in itself~ There's no need to rush the inevitable~ Come out when you're comfortable and only when you're comfortable
Well in a new relationship I would be fine if I was dating closeted guy. I would try to help them be open about their sexuality. A relationship should never be a secret it should always be something you “share” with the people you know. At a point, I would get frustrated and give him the choice of being more open about our relationship or breaking up.
I totally agree!!! You shouldn't have to feel like you have to come out, and no one else should make you feel that way either. On your own terms...when your 'good and ready' xxx
I think there are stages to coming out. Congratulations on coming out to yourself! That is big. I don't imagine that you spend time with your Dad and siblings 24/7. Maybe you could start the next phase by coming out to friends before you even think about the LGBT-unfriendly family members. I started with the out lesbians and gay guys I knew. Then straight but supportive friends and then my crush, who is now my girlfriend. She and I didcussed early on that we want to be out and involved with each other's family. That is a goal that we're taking one step at a time. It's working for us. ---------- Post added 1st Apr 2014 at 10:09 PM ---------- I should add that I came out to my liberal mother before my crush. But I still haven't raised it with my conservative father (they have been divorced 30 years so I didn't have to ask her to keep it from him).
