Casual encounter with married man

Don't?

 

^That^

 

What they said. But... Is he closeted? Out to his wife? If neither, then (what they said) squared.

 

The amount of detail in the original post is limited.

In some cases, you won't know if the person is married, because they have the wedding band off and they will lie. In other cases, they can be single and say they are married because, in their mind, it makes them a more attractive "conquest."

My attitude is mixed and may even depend on how you feel at the time. First, if they are out and about on the town or on a business trip, and the "married" person made the move, you are not responsible for their doing so. And, they've probably done it before. The first thing you need to think about is how "clean" you are, in terms of anything communicable. If you are not "clean," then you should abstain from the encounter. If you know more about the specific situation, and I mean a lot more, and the situation is that he's already out and it's an open marriage or they've stopped having sex, then I guess you could. If he is truly in experimental mode and testing the waters, you might want to avoid the situation.

But, like I said, we need more information than what you've given in the first post.

 

Yes we did have question marks, mostly because we didn't have enough information.

If the guy's spouse is OK with it? That's a whole wasp's nest right there...I don't think you're desperate, but how do you propose to keep this a secret in a town with 2000 people???

 

what he said.

 

I don't think you're responsible for another person's behavior in a situation like this. And, if these married guys don't hook up with you, they'll hook up with someone else. They evidently already know the drill and which venues to use.

When you mean casual, I presume you mean it's only for the physical aspect and not to be involved with this person. I also presume you'll be meeting someplace that's on neutral turf and most likely out of town.

With any of these types of set ups such as Craigslist and others, proceed very cautiously and make sure you have an exit strategy if it doesn't seem right. It sounds like you've made up your mind and want us to give it the seal of approval. That's what your tone alludes to. Only you can do that.

 

I just saw this after posting a thread somewhat like this.......

Ummmm.. I don't think you should do this.. I don't think I should do this.. I don't know about you but I'm slowly going down

 

I'm sorry by there is some serious lack if self respect if you're thinking of allowing married man to be with you 'like that'.
Regardless of his actions,
You need to hold yourself to higher standards,
If not for yourself,
For the wife he is most likely lying to.

Wait for someone that is better and more deserving of you,
Not an obvious liar.

 

Where can I find someone single that would not treat me like a dirty secret that's what you should be thinking about before you do it

 

There's "OK with it" and there's totally accepting, two vastly different attitudes. I just have a strong mistrust of "OK with it."

 

This thing could also take on a practical approach. The guy in the OP sounds like his horniness is getting the best of him. It happens.

That said, "people who live in glass houses should not throw stones." What I mean is that, if we were to do a pie chart of with whom gay, bi, transgender, and *straight* guys had their first (few) same sex encounter(s) was with, the results would be all over the map. If accurately reported, they would look anything like this, based on stories I've heard: (a) school friends, (b) neighborhood kids, (c) cousins, (d) co-workers at fast food or other McJob, (e) slightly older adults, single, (f) slightly older adults, married, (g) stranger, but in the area, (h) stranger, but not in the area and while on a trip, and then some.

The guy in the OP is going to do what he's going to do. I just want him to be careful, however he decides.

 

Are you sure the spouse is ok with it? I mean, have you got it from her that she is ok with it, or is he just telling you that? I wouldn't want to take his word for it.

Tread very carefully... getting involved with married or otherwise attached people is liking walking through a minefield. So many people can get hurt.

 

Unless you personally asked the spouse if it was alright,
I'd avoid this like the plague.

 

Having been on the other side of this equation, I realize in hindsight that I didn't need to have sex with other men to know I was gay. But if you spend much time online looking around there are lots of people who claim to be 'bi-curious' and justify their behaviour (behind their wife's back) that way.

It is HIGHLY unlikely that this man's wife is totally onboard with this. I would strongly recommend that you not be complicit in this behaviour. Look for someone your own age who is unattached - if that's the route you want to go.