Separate to my earlier thread ... I live a life where my true feelings are suppressed through practice and anti depressants. As clear as my head is, I feel at times I can deal with being in the closet but I seek out that drink to loosen my mind and then I feel at ease (well less ill at ease) with the fact I am a gay married man. Is this common - I don't think I have a drink problem it's just the world seems so much easier when I have a glass or two of wine! Is it the real me coming out? Does this resonate with anyone else?
How is that not a drink problem? You may not be binging, but you are using it to make the world bareable...that's a problem :/
Alcohol is a relaxant and suppresses inhibition, so I think that what you're experiencing is completely normal. If you're just having a glass or two of wine, I don't think you have a drinking problem... (*hug*)
NO. Alcohol doesn't help anything. Does your wife know that you're gay? If so, you need to sit down and talk to her about it. It's natural for her to freak out and divorce will be a long and winding road, but it'll all be worth it in the end. You deserve to live an honest life. Do you have any kids?
To be a bit more moderate than the drink doeesn't help anything 17 year old, yeah drink does help you feel more relaxed. The night I knew I was going to come out I sure I had a couple of drinks so I could gain the confidence.
I'd say its a symptom. You are afraid to be the real you so there is a lot of internal pressure. Having a few drinks allows you to relax and release it, I've been doing quite a bit of binge drinking recently, but nothing 'consistent'. Generally regret it. Most people seem to need a few glasses of wine to get through the day, messed up world. Probably not a solution you seem to be self medicating and using it as a way to escape reality/your thoughts. Maybe need to step up and change your life in some way.
The drinking is a sign of a bigger problem, and if you don't address the underlying issue, the drinking problem is likely to get worse over time. Actually most people do not need even one glass of wine, let alone a few, to get through the day. The people who do are the ones with substance abuse problems or difficulty dealing with problems without resorting to alcohol or other mood altering substances. Self medicating isn't the answer, unfortunately. The best thing is to talk about your problems, as you're doing now, and learn how to deal with them without using drugs or alcohol to escape. It's not as "easy" a solution, but in the long run, you'll be a lot happier.
Agree with that Chip, think functional alcoholism is much more prevalent in Europe than the US/Canada however. Average in Ireland/uk is 14 litres pure alcohol (140 bottles of wine) for everyone aged 15+ Per year.
Thanks all - it kind of confirms what I thought - I dont drink every day, it's just when I do, it takes the edge off life - I guess that is why we all drink. So, a middle aged, middle class drinker I am!! A term often referred to in the UK
I don't need to have a drink or two to feel at ease with being a gay man. So no - I would suggest that it shouldn't be necessary, and that as Chip has suggested you would likely benefit from seeing someone to talk about your anxiety around this issue and what the next steps need to be to get over it.
Oh no, I need to get to the underlying issues alright, my separate thread details this - I need to sort things ok. I was just wondering if others felt the same. The usage of alchohol and medication is no excuse, I know that. It's just opening a bottle of wine is so much easier than ripping out the heart of a family you love. ---------- Post added 1st Apr 2014 at 05:39 AM ---------- Ironically, I dont have a problem being gay, I am surprisingly comfortable with it, my challenge is hurting my wife and family - that is an overriding pain that I know others have felt here too.
i used to do that until a few too many times of waking up and I had been sick in my sleep, wet myself with no memory of what happened the night before. This was all before the age of 21. A few glasses to relax you can quickly become a bottle of wine or more a night. I had to quit drinking because it was destroying my health. I would wake up be sick than have to go to college, I was starting every day with a hangover and I got sent to rehab. Please try to cope with being gay without using alcohol, one glass of wine can very quickly get out of control. In my case it only took a year to have an extreely severe alcohol problem.
My belief is that alcohol dulls the "real you." With several friends, alcohol turned them into dopey drunks or belligerent drunks. Without alcohol, they were fairly real people and everything was on the table. They knew what their other issues were and could discuss them intelligently.
Alcohol never helped anyone unless applied externally. In my younger days I loved to indulge but I found out my problem and sorrows were very good swimmers I couldn't drown the little buggers. I haven't touched the stuff in many years and life continues to be wonderful. Plus being a driver is very useful when a group wants to go out and party. Anyway good luck.
One distinction for me when I drink (or did more in the past) it was always with friends and to decrease inhibitions. I've found as I have gotten older I really dont need to drink for that reason, and I've never used alcohol to escape a negative situation in life, if that makes sense. It seems like theres a difference between someone that drinks to escape problems and one that drinks for fun.
Your situation is not that different than mine. Basically I was self medicating to dull the pain of believing I had to hide who I'm am. I would serious ask yourself if you beleive your are not truly hurting yout wife now. She may already know something is not right and perhaps is experiencing her own internalized pain. Obviously only you can know...but you on empty closets so you are suffering. I waited until depression forced my hand. We are getting divorced and ultimately we will both be better off for it. I'll do feel free for the first time in my life!
