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Knowing vs. Accepting

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Linguistic_Geek, Mar 31, 2014.

  1. Linguistic_Geek

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    Hi all

    I was just wondering your thoughts/opinions/2 cents on knowing your are gay (bi, trans) and accepting that you are? Is here a difference between the two for you?

    Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  2. Iowan1976

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    Yes. I believe there is a big difference between the two.

    For example, growing up I knew I was gay. When I was a teenager, I was not ready to deal with it, so I ignored those feelings. I avoided a social life and did whatever I could to hide this fact. I did this because I had no resources at my disposal, I knew no gay or bi people, and my church said that those feelings were wrong...so I ignored it for as long as I could.

    Accepting it has been a much longer process. I had to deal with the religion issue, and now realize that the pastor was very closed minded, and found a very open minded church. As I went through my 20's, I learned more and more about being gay and realized, as the song goes, I was "Born This Way" :slight_smile:

    I think the other thing that has helped me is that I have role models to look up to. I really look towards Neil Patrick Harris. I envy what he has in life. I would love to have a committed spouse and kids like him. This has also helped with the acceptance piece...at least for me.
     
  3. Choirboy

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    It's a gigantic difference. I knew from my early teens on that I was attracted to guys, and not girls. My upbringing was pretty repressed, so I really didn't know that there was such a thing as gay or straight, but I knew something about me was different. By the time I figured it out, the idea of being gay went so completely against what I thought I wanted from life that I hid it every way I could, including getting married and having kids--all the while knowing that I had feelings for men, and not women. Finally accepting myself as gay has made a huge difference, and I finally am able to see my way to a much better life.
     
  4. BradThePug

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    Yeah, there is a huge difference. Looking back now, I knew that I was transgender when I was younger, but I could not accept the fact because I was pushed to be more feminine. So, I pushed it to the back of my head, where it remained hidden until one day I could not hide it anymore. Before then, I just thought that it was something that I would be able to hide.
     
  5. Yossarian

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    Knowing that you have an attraction to other men is one thing. Accepting that when you say or or hear something being said about gay men, they are talking about YOU is quite another. This is why it is good to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a GAY MAN, and that all the talk you hear about gay marriage and gay rights and gay advocacy is about YOU and YOUR RIGHTS. Not some abstract theoretical third parties that you can ignore or treat with intellectual curiosity. YOU
     
  6. Linguistic_Geek

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    So how do I get from knowing to accepting?
     
  7. Spaceman

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    I love how yossarian put it. We are part of a group, a minority that has it's own history, culture and unique challenges. The more time that passes since I came out, the more I accept and embrace being a member of this group.

    So LG, time is one of the biggest ways to get to acceptance. It takes time for the reality to sink in and the comfort level to grow.

    Meeting other gay people is also critical. You'll find they're just as diverse as the general population and often very different than the stereotypes we were all brought up to believe.

    I believe, by virtue of being different and having to fight for acceptance, gay people have a much deeper insight into the human condition. Most everyone who is openly gay had to make a conscious decision to be seen for who they really are despite the tremendous social pressure to stay in hiding. It takes courage, it takes self awareness and it's something to be proud of. That's what all the pride parades are really about.

    Let yourself be inspired by the wonderful parts of gay culture...the compassion, the creativity, the bravery it takes to throw off the shackles of societal norms. Rejoice in the tremendous advances we're witnessing in gay rights. Get to know gay people who have experienced the joy of living out and proud and free. I believe these are the things that will lead you (and me) to fully accepting and loving who we are.
     
  8. bigeagle

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    Great advice above. There are some huge barriers in our way - but with determination and support, these barriers can (and will be) smashed out the way!

    ---------- Post added 3rd Apr 2014 at 11:59 PM ----------

    Deep down, I know I'm gay. However, right now I have not accepted this fact. I am hoping that this will change with time. I also need to keep my councelling going. I also have close friends in my support network. I must remain positive and remember one crucial thing... Authenticity lies ahead. Surely that's worth fighting for.
     
  9. Yossarian

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    This is just my interpretation, but once you KNOW that you are homosexually oriented, accepting it is already done. What remains is defining how you are going to conduct yourself with respect to others. Whether and who you want to share this information with in order to enjoy the company and companionship of same-sex persons, and how intimate and engaged with them you want to be. You can decide to be very open about it and act as though it is the most normal thing in the world, or you can decide to conceal the fact selectively or totally and accept the restrictions and limitations this will impose upon you and the people you want to be with you. That is what the whole process of "coming out" is all about. But once you know that you are attracted sexually to men, and only to men, you have essentially accepted (i.e. acknowledged to yourself) that you are gay, and your life is never going to be the same again. The question is, at this point, what are you going to do about it? That is where you have a choice to make, the one you can't make about your sexuality.