A sign of relief has come over me after 4 years of dealing with these mixed emotions about my sexuality alone I finally made contact with a Counsellor.I really wanted to see one that dealt with sexuality issues mainly but trying to find one at not high cost was impossible for me at this stage.I saw a lady who deals with everything from relationships to general and it was mentioned from the receptionist that she also talks to people with gender identity.I spent over 2 hours in there mostly crying and explaining about myself and my life and how I came to all this self discovery.I was concerned about being judged and that she wouldn't understand but she told me she has gay friends so she understood from some perspective which out me at ease.I still can't seem to shake the feeling of needing my sexuality confirmed I wish there was a test I could do but she said deep down I'd know.I can't find it the answers properly I'm struck with fear,guilt and extreme anxiety.But I do feel better for able to open up to someone especially my own kind of counsellor I can talk to.Im booked in for a fortnight and It feels like forever away but I've waited this long to talk to someone what's two weeks.I need to find ways in getting through the days now I've opened my soul up it's like I need to keep out pouring all these thoughts and feelings.
Hello, After bottling up all your emoutions for so long you now feel like they all want to come out in a big rush. The counsellor has booked for you to come every two weeks, the reason for this is so both of you have time to think about your feelings on the situation, to discuss any progress you have made over the two weeks and also somthing said one week may not be an issue the next week and the counsellor needs to find patterns in what you are saying to find out the bigger problems. For example if you talk about something one week but dont meantion it again this isn't considered a big problem but if things are discussed week after week after week the counsellor gets a better idea of what is important to you. Also your counsellor needs time to process the information you have given them and reflect on what is the best way to help you. This can only be done over a number of weeks, not all in one day. In between weeks or two weeks of going to the counsellor you can post here as much as you like to help you find out what issues are a continuing problem for you. Hope this helps. Molly x
I can understand how you are feeling. For all that I refer to myself here as bi it doesn't really fit me. I don't know what does. Its easy to tell others that definitions don't matter but frankly they do, if you think they do. It takes time to find your answers especially after suppressing them for so long. Well done in getting yourself to a head space where you can talk to someone, that is real progress. As molly said we are all here for you between appointments.
Glad you found a good counsellor. She is right, deep down you know and going to counselling pulls these hidden things up from the unconscious to the conscious. Its hard once they come up, but bit by bit over time even though its hard going through it at the time you will get there. Use the time in between to come to terms with what was said in your sessions and what feelings came about in you. x
