Does anybody else who is in the closet have days where they clearly think yes I'm a lesbian and feel content with it for a short time then start to worry about coming out and go back in further and hide for a little till something makes you feel convinced you are like checking the same sex out constantly or doing things to encourage your "gay" maybe real side to come out more?
Not quite the same for me but I have a similar issue. I have days where I try and put a label on myself and cant pick one. At times I think I am straight and my gf is the one exception, other days I remember things I hid from myself and I am convinced given the chance I would have been bi leaning towards gay. At times when I find myself admiring an attractive woman I analyse my reactions and feelings to the point of stupidity. Some days I intentionally check out men to see if it still feels normal for me (even though I never did this much before)! At times I have been so frustrated with my inability to know something about myself that I always thought was pretty obvious for most people However most days now I just wake up feeling like me and question it no further. They are my favourite days and they seem to be happening more frequently now. I suppose it just takes time.
I know how that feels. I have been doing that for all of my adult life... I figure it might be more a case of being Bi in my case and obviously having a tough time trying to figure out what I really want...
I dont think I try to encourage my "gayness"...I dont really find myself checking anyone out and get annoyed when i feel that people are hitting on me. My attraction to the specific woman that I am attracted to seems really right, though. It feels more right than any attraction that I felt toward men in the past. In fact, when I contrast my previous attraction to men most of it seems very contrived and forced
I don't know if I understood it well, so sometimes you think you're gay for sure and are okay with that but sometimes you're not that sure again? What I read on this site I'd say it's quite normal. Isn't it even a part of the bargaining stage of coming out? From my own experience I can say there's a big difference between knowing I'm attracted to women and accepting I'm attracted to women. At first when the idea I'm gay came to my mind I was like "wow, it makes pretty sense now" but still I'd gone through a period when I was thinking "I'm only bi" one day and "I'm gay" the other. Later it changed in me thinking "Yep, I'm lesbian" one day and "I surely trick myself into believing I'm attracted to women for whatever reason" the other. It sounds kind of stupid but even though I knew I'm attracted to women I kept searching for reasons why I'm not. Over the time that you-trick-yourself thoughts were coming less often.
